Total pages in book: 78
Estimated words: 73665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73665 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 368(@200wpm)___ 295(@250wpm)___ 246(@300wpm)
“They could just go to Europe,” I protest again. “Where she’s from…if I make it too difficult.”
“Apparently, they’re having two weddings. One here and one there.”
“Jesus good god Christ.” I’m not normally so creative or loose tongue with my blasphemy either.
Thankfully, Mika pulls herself up. But not so thankfully, she’s got that burning I will not be dissuaded for all the world and an ice cream sundae look on her face. And ice cream sundaes are her favoritest of all favorites. They’re a close second behind ice cream cakes, which are my favoritest of all favorites.
“You’d only be responsible for wrecking one wedding. But I still think seduction has to be the underlying goal. Not fake seduction, but real seduction. You’re clearly into him. You never lit up like that for Kevin.”
“I’m lit up with nothing but mortification! It was bad judgment spurred on by me undergoing the worst day of my life.”
I’m certainly not going to let my ovaries get wild and start dictating orders to my brain. I’m not going to let my body get hot or my lady bits throb. I definitely don’t remember how the feel of her dad’s hand gliding over mine was nearly enough to make me spontaneously orgasm. I need to wash from my mind how badly I had wanted his hands to play me like I was the piano until I shattered.
“My dad is so traditional.”
I have to disagree there. Her dad is not a traditional dad. Traditional dads are only mildly hot, and that’s only sometimes. They’re funny and nice and probably great people, but not many of them scream zaddy. Not many rock a man bun or are solidly muscled, taller than I am, and have fuck me mysterious eyes.
“He used to believe in true love, signs from the universe…all of that,” Mika goes on, oblivious to my internal meltdown. “We have to make him see that the magic is real. Bringing you two back together as some massive universal love distribution sign is a thing.”
“I think that’s just for cats.”
Please, let the universal distribution system just be for cats.
“And bad luck. If the universe can hate people, then it can love them too.”
How are we circling around back to this plan that is not a plan because I won’t let it be a plan? “I just broke up with Kevin last night.”
It was a silent breakup. Just a if looks could kill, you’d be straight up put on the rack, cut up, and dragged between horses because you’re a monster look. But then, of course, I’d relent because that’s horrible and gory. I’d go with a bus. But the poor bus driver. Maybe just lightning. You can’t blame anyone for lightning. But no. Okay, I just wish something vaguely bad would happen to him.
“You’ve been broken up in your heart for ages,” Mika insists, and she’s not wrong. “You told me that you haven’t had sex in forever. Thank god, or I’d likely be hauling you off to the STD clinic right now to get checked or treated.”
Oh my god.
If that ever happened, I would die a thousand deaths. If I went to any clinic in this city, my mom would probably find out, and then she’d be up in my business, and it would be an endless barrage of I told you that asshole was bad news looks for months. Months.
A fresh torrent of rage rips through me, swamping my body in a sticky, overheated sweat. I grasp my coffee and use it to distract me and to help me chill the fuck out.
I hadn’t considered how long Kevin had been cheating, but Mika was right. It probably wasn’t just last night.
On second thought, a bus is too kind.
“You’re the best woman I know. You’re exactly the kind of person my dad should fall in love with.” Mika gives me wobbly lips along with her sad puppy eyes.
“You do realize that most best friends would be slamming the brakes on this so hard, not greenlighting father fornication.” I sip my coffee. There’s no way it’s strong enough for this. “He’s so much older than me. Even if we found some weird kind of attraction that resulted in happiness, it could only ever be temporary.”
“You don’t know that.”
Don’t I? Right now, I’m not going to give Mika a list of reasons why my getting with her dad would never work. “I know this is going to be an unmitigated disaster.”
“Not if we pull it off in spectacular fashion. And I don’t know about the unmitigated part.” She wiggles her slashy eyebrows. “It might just be a regular disaster, but at least we would have tried, and that counts for something.”
“It counts for making everything worse and your dad mad at us for life.”
“He’s not going to get hurt. Everything will work out, even if he gets mildly annoyed at the start. He won’t know we’re best friends. He’ll never fall for you if he knows. We’ll have to break him into the idea later when you’re both so enthralled with each other that you’ll both have to find a way to make it all come out right.”