Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 81375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81375 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 407(@200wpm)___ 326(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
She brushes tears away from her eyes and sucks in a shaky breath.
I’d say.
That was quite a monologue.
Then again, it was clear I wasn’t going to participate.
I pull together the last few remaining scraps of strength and dignity I have left, raise my head, and nod.
The nod could mean anything, but she nods back.
And then… she’s gone.
It’s a good few minutes before I can unfold myself and get my aching heart and head together enough to reach for that piece of paper.
I don’t light it on fire, spit on it, throw it in the garbage, or bake it into a revenge dish. God, I don’t even know what that last one would be, but it has a nice ring to it. I should do a lot of things, but it all started nineteen years ago when I walked away from Ohio, leaving a copious amount of pain and grief in the wake of my departure, which lingered with me and Archie for all this time.
If I’d been a better person then, or in any of the years leading up to now, today wouldn’t have happened.
Yesterday wouldn’t have happened. Even now, knowing what I know and how horrible it is, I can’t help but think that would be a true tragedy.
I know what I need to do. I need to get my head together, be the bigger man, break the curse I said I don’t believe in, fix karma, and mend hearts. Whatever term makes sense, it’s all really the same. I need to take accountability and have a conversation to clear the misunderstanding that was really no one’s fault but has caused so much damage nonetheless.
I’m not limited to a few days, but Dulcie will be gone after that. I can go to Ohio any day and any time, but I can’t let her leave without at least making things some version of right.
I know that.
But knowing it and figuring out how exactly to do it are two very different things.
Chapter six
Dulcie
Inow know that I fucked up is so much worse than I’m going to fuck up. If it hasn’t happened yet, there’s still this vague and naïve hope that it might all work out. You might be spared from seeing someone else’s freshly cut wounds, knowing you put them there and rubbed every caustic substance known to man in them. Salt, vinegar, acid, the whole freaking science lab, and the periodic table.
I’d have to call what I did moping. It went on all day long. I spent a sleepless night going over and over all my failings, idiocy, lies, and the hurt it all caused. Then, it looped endlessly over a cup of coffee and tortured me all through a shower. I deserve every single minute of the torture though. I know it’s helping no one, but I need to bask fully in my shame before I can move on.
I did all that, and I did it all wrong. I cyberstalked someone… or okay, I hired someone to do it, but still. I intruded on their privacy. I faked my way into their house. I used, manipulated, and twisted everything around.
The worst part is obviously the end, when all those lies culminated in an explosion of fireworks and a kiss that slayed my heart, my mind, and my body.
There’s something very wrong about that whole statement.
There’s something very wrong about all of this.
If I live to be six hundred and eighty-seven, I’ll never forget the horrified, sickened, disgusted, and devastated expression on Luca’s face when I confessed who I was and he realized what he’d almost done.
I should never have let it get as far as I did, but not because I didn’t want to kiss him or because I regret that part of it.
If I live to be six hundred and eighty-seven, I’ll also forever remember every single nanosecond and micro detail of that incredible kiss. I’ll remember other things too, like the heat of Luca’s body, the velvet feel of his skin, the burning rasp of stubble, the lush softness of his lips, the steel length of his cock trapped in his pants between us, his nipples hard beneath his shirt, and the fire he poured into my mouth that ended up straight in my chest while also burning in my belly and between my legs.
In that moment, I didn’t care about the details. I went from having a somewhat level head to just being eviscerated within a few minutes. I was more than ready to fuck my dad’s once-best friend.
“Ugh.” I bow forward in the slightly decrepit rocking chair out here on the porch of the little cabin rental. Cabin is a strong word. This place is a glorified garden shed plunked down on a small plot of land with woods on either side and down a back road that gives you the feeling you’re in the middle of nowhere, but really, you’re surrounded on all sides by humanity.