Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 101466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 406(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101466 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 507(@200wpm)___ 406(@250wpm)___ 338(@300wpm)
“I have a younger brother,” I began. “He lives in Toronto with his wife.” I paused. “My ex-fiancée.”
“Oh, Jesse.”
“Miriam and I dated in high school. She knew I wanted to be a firefighter. She always supported me. She hung around with my family. My parents loved her.”
“And so did you,” she murmured.
“My brother was two years younger than me, and my parents—especially my mother—doted on him. Ryan could do no wrong. He got away with everything. And he disliked me. Intensely. He was always jealous, and whatever I did, he had to do better. He had to have everything I had. Be the winner in everything. It was draining.”
I sucked in a deep breath, looking out at the brook and trees, willing myself to relax. “Preparing to be a firefighter is grueling. Constant physical demands and mental ones too. Learning. Training. Practicing. Drills. Extra courses—anything to get noticed in the crowd of other people trying to become a firefighter. Years of work. I was deep into it when Ryan announced he was going to be a firefighter too.”
“Ugh.”
“I didn’t really care. I knew we’d never work together. They don’t put family members together, in case,” I explained.
“Right.”
“But it was personal to him. He had to be better. Be fitter. Stronger. Better marks. It was a contest, not his life dream.”
“How did he do?”
I shook my head. “Not so well. Physically, I was always bigger. Stronger. I’d been working out since I was fourteen, knowing what I wanted to do. He was smaller, and, yes, strong, but not like me. He didn’t like that. Not being number one.”
“What happened?”
“I came home and found him and Miriam together. He was fucking her in my bed. I walked in, and he looked over his shoulder, smiling the whole time—almost gloating. He knew how I’d react.”
“Jesse, how awful.”
“We fought, and Miriam told me she loved him, not me anymore. I was never around. She chastised me, telling me that Ryan managed both personal and professional balance so much better. That she was lonely and he was there for her.”
Casey wrapped herself around me, holding on tight. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I placed an arm around her, anchoring myself to her. To this moment—letting the pain go. It was in the past. I kept reminding myself of that.
“Ryan and I argued. I pushed him around. I walked out.” I sighed. “The next day was the one when I had the incident at work. I was distracted and not thinking clearly.”
“Oh my God,” Casey said.
“While I was in the hospital, my parents came to see me. They told me they were supporting Ryan. That they loved Miriam, and if Ryan made her happy, they were happy. They wanted her as a daughter-in-law. That after much thought, they decided he was a better man for her.”
Casey sat back, outraged. “What the fuck?” she whisper-yelled.
“They always took his side.”
“But she cheated on you—with your douchebag brother!”
Her instant defense of me made my chest warm. I stroked her cheek. “I know—it made no sense.”
“What happened?”
“They told me to get over it and accept her as a member of the family. I said no. We severed all ties. I don’t see them or talk to them.”
“And he married her?”
I rolled my shoulders. “She was pregnant.”
Casey covered her mouth. “I can’t even…” she breathed. “Are you sure it was his?”
I nodded. “Things had been strained between us, and it had been a while. Miriam had changed—how I felt about her changed. And obviously, she felt the same way about me. I discovered their affair had been going on for months.” I scrubbed my face.
“The baby was born almost nine months to the day—and it looked like Ryan. Blond hair, blue eyes.” I paused. “Big nose and skinny. Just like him.” I lifted one shoulder, knowing that sounded petty, but it was the truth. “Aside from our last name, we shared nothing physically. I had always wondered if one of us was adopted or the result of an affair.”
Casey leaned forward and kissed me. “Either way, I got the better brother.”
I smiled against her mouth, her support meaning more than I was able to convey.
“After that, I swore I would never be in the position to let people hurt me.”
“We’re very similar. I run, you avoid.”
“That’s why we work—at least for now.”
She nodded, looking upset. “So you came here,” she prompted.
“Yes. I didn’t want to be where they were. Listen to friends talk about Ryan and Miriam. Their son. Know I was never enough for my parents. That somehow, even though I was the eldest, I wasn’t number one with them—ever. It was always Ryan. It always would be. And the fact that they wanted Miriam as a daughter-in-law more than me as a son told me everything I needed to know. It gave me the strength to make the break.”