Total pages in book: 127
Estimated words: 122382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 612(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 408(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 122382 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 612(@200wpm)___ 490(@250wpm)___ 408(@300wpm)
“What, forever?” My attempt at a joke, or more like panicked mutterings.
“I like the sound of that.” He lifts his hand to my round belly. I resist the urge, the instinct, to push it away. It’s not that I want to but more like I feel that I should, despite what passed between us.
“I’m in love with you. I think I have been from the start.” Those words. His words. So tempting and enough to make me giddy and foolish. “Tell me something. It doesn’t have to be that.”
But I said it—told him I loved him back. The words escaping. My heart breaking.
My mind is a mess, filled with fragmented moments, and snapshots of last night. The passion, the rightness of it all. The way he looked at me and the things he said made me feel utterly adored.
And earlier in the evening, with his friends. The love he has for them was so clear, as was their love for him. I shouldn’t have let my emotions rule my head, allowed my jealousy of some faceless future woman to blind me to reason. Because one day I will wake to the reality that I’ve lost him.
Because this can’t be. I can’t live with a lie, and I can’t tell him the truth.
That I don’t deserve him.
The one good man in Manhattan, in London. I found home in his arms and in his passion and his promises. But he’s worth more than me.
Oblivious to my truths, he lowers to press his lips to my swollen belly. I quickly wipe away a tear. I’ll save him for you, little one. This man will always be your daddy.
“Buenos días, mi dulce niño.” His honeyed whisper coasts over my skin. “Morning, my sweet child. I hope Mommy and Daddy didn’t keep you awake last night.” His eyes are shining as he pulls away again. “Forever,” he whispers. “You know, I think that might not be long enough.”
“Matt.” I watch his smile stall, and my heart begins to thrash against my ribs. Not yet, something whispers inside.
“What is it?” He reaches for my hand as though he can already feel me pulling away.
Just a little longer. Ignore the sunshine because the night isn’t done.
“I feel kind of cheated,” I say, plucking the words out of thin air. I intertwine my fingers with his.
His features relax as he presses his mouth to my knuckles, his tone playful as he asks, “Cheated how?”
“If only I’d known you look like a pirate in the morning . . .” I take advantage of his closeness to press my hand to the dark shadow accentuating the hollows of his cheeks and lips.
“A pirate?” he purrs in question. “Just say the word, and I’ll plunder your booty.”
A chuckle stutters from my chest. God, I’ll miss his terrible jokes.
“Fine,” he says, snuggling closer. “I’ll settle for a cuddle.”
A cuddle sounds like a heavenly kind of torture. But I say nothing else as his arm loops around me, hauling me closer. I become the small spoon to his big one. Or ladle would be a more accurate description.
“This is nice.” I sigh deeply, sinking into the feeling of his body and the comfort of his hand pressed to my bump. Touch is a human need. That’s what Ava, my old neighbor, said. And I’ve been starving myself. But not for no purpose whispers in my head.
The night isn’t over. Go away, sunshine. I close my eyes tight, allowing myself to hang on to this moment for a little longer. But the tears still well and fall, making tiny puddles on the pillow.
You can hurt for the ones you love—that’s what this experience has taught me. My heart isn’t breaking for nothing. It’s breaking for him. I’m just sorry I’ll have to hurt you, I whisper silently, tightening my arm over his. So, so sorry.
“Nice doesn’t cover it,” he murmurs, unaware of my sudden torrent of turmoil as he gathers my hair to one side, brushing his lips lightly across my nape. “It’s perfect. This is a perfect moment in time. Because you’re here. And you’re perfect for me.”
My heart suddenly feels as though it’s bleeding, blood and hurt spilling from it unseen and soaking into the sheets. I’m the opposite of perfect—the antithesis to it. My lies aren’t spoken but ones of omission. If he knew what I’ve done in the name of hate, he wouldn’t want me anywhere near him—anywhere near our child.
My imperfections are many, and—my heart plummets. Oh, my God! My selfish heart! I crossed a line last night, the one I swore I wouldn’t. This little one isn’t even here, and I’m already breaking my promises to her.
What kind of mother will I make? A mother like mine, one who’ll cause a lifetime of pain.
“You’re the biggest mistake I ever made.”