Total pages in book: 58
Estimated words: 55153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 55153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 276(@200wpm)___ 221(@250wpm)___ 184(@300wpm)
Pax hasn’t texted or called since he left last night. Part of me wants him to, but he’s giving me and Jasmine space, which shows how unselfish he is. It makes me wish even more that I could continue to see him, but I know that’s not the right thing to do.
After dropping off the snacks for Lyndon and Sam, I start my afternoon rounds. When I’m about to pass room 87, something makes me stop. I can’t go inside and talk to Eric since the room is occupied, so instead I put my fingers on the metal plate displaying the room number, closing my eyes.
“I’m the lucky one,” I whisper. “I get to see her grow up.”
“Hey, kid,” a voice says behind me.
I turn to see Lyndon, who sounds as chipper as ever even though he’s using a walker since his energy has been so depleted lately.
“Hey.” I quickly wipe the corners of my eyes and force a smile.
“Feel like taking a lap with an old geezer and his walker?”
I nod, because I’m running ahead of schedule and it’s been a while since I got to have a good conversation with him.
“What’s on your mind?” he asks as we slowly make our way down the hallway.
“Just…life, I guess.”
“I’m one of the few people here who still have decent hearing if you want to tell me about it,” he cracks.
I sigh heavily. “The short version is that Jasmine isn’t ready for me to date yet. I feel terrible for thinking it wouldn’t faze her. It’s only been four months since Eric died.”
The wrinkles on Lyndon’s forehead deepen as he listens.
“In some ways,” he says after a few long moments.
“What do you mean?”
“You know how I feel about it, Kylie. Eric died that day in combat. Every part of him that mattered never came back.”
I nod. Lyndon and I have had many talks, especially when it was time for me to make the decision about ending Eric’s life support. It was Lyndon who helped me see things clearly by telling me Eric hadn’t had a life in eight years. He was on vital organ support, but no machine could ever give him his life back.
“I know,” I say softly. “And I agree. Jasmine never knew her father. She’s never seen me with a man because she was just a baby when Eric left for his last deployment.”
“So maybe that’s the hard part,” he says. “Seeing you with a man when she never has before.”
I’m quiet as I consider his words. Maybe he’s right, at least partially.
“I wonder if that will change with time,” I say, speaking my thoughts out loud.
“Change can be hard. So can sharing the people we’ve always had to ourselves with others.” He smiles, his crow’s-feet deepening. “Hell, when our firstborn came, I loved the little guy, but sometimes when I watched my wife feeding him, changing him, and rocking him every waking minute, I wondered if I’d ever get a moment alone with her again.”
I nod, remembering when my own daughter required all my energy.
“You know what, though?” Lyndon continues. “We made a new normal. We became three instead of two, and then four and then five. And every time, my heart grew just a little bit bigger. That twenty-four-year-old first-time father just didn’t have any idea how beautiful his future was going to be.”
Tears shine in his eyes as he shuffles over to a chair in one of the lounges and sits down.
“We all need different kinds of love,” he says, looking up at me. “And bigger hearts, too. Don’t you think?”
I can’t speak past the well of emotion in my throat, so I just nod. Leaning down, I put my arms around Lyndon and hug him, whispering, “Thanks.”
“Anytime, kid.”
When I resume my rounds, I’m more of a mess than before. More confused. More saddened by the thought of losing Pax. But fair or not, I have to put Jasmine first.
When I get home from work that evening, Jasmine is back to her usual happy self.
“Look, Mom,” she says, handing over a pile of papers before I’ve set my car keys down. “All A’s. One is even an A-plus.”
“That’s my girl.” I set down my keys and give her a one-armed hug. “And look at this neat handwriting. I’m proud of you.”
She’s bouncing back and forth between her two feet excitedly. “Grandma and I are making goulash and garlic bread.”
“That must be what smells so good.”
A few minutes later, over dinner, I meet my mom’s gaze across the kitchen table and broach the subject I’m dreading.
“Jas, what happened last night? Can we talk about why you were upset?”
She shrugs. “I wanted to stay with Uncle Pike.”
“I like Pax, though, and it would mean a lot to me if you’d give him a chance.”
“That’s what Grandma said, too.”