Total pages in book: 83
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“In queer terms, your best friend is hot.”
Seth folds his arms and scowls.
“I always thought he was cute, but you told me I wasn’t allowed to go there, so I didn’t. It was easy when I barely ever saw him. Then you asked me to look out for him, and it turns out I like him. I think he’s funny, and not in a making fun of him way. In a genuine way. His outlook on life is different, and he doesn’t even try to fit in. He doesn’t care.”
“Hmm, it makes sense you’d admire that side of him.”
“What do you mean?”
“When Dad forced us both into skates when we were seven, do you remember how sucky we both were? I gave up almost immediately, but you … it was like you forced yourself to learn how to do it so you’d be more accepted.”
I want to dispute that, but it’s probably the truth. I’ve worked hard, so fucking hard, to get to where I am, and it wasn’t easy. I wasn’t a natural skater.
And maybe, just maybe, back when we were that young I knew I was different. I knew I liked boys more than girls, and I still hadn’t completely figured it out seven years later when I came out to my brother. But I did know I was different. And that hockey players were cool.
“That might have something to do with it,” I admit.
“What do you actually want with him?”
I open my mouth to say something inappropriately sexual, but he stops me.
“And I don’t mean physically. I mean … what kind of future do you honestly see with him? When you get signed to the NHL, you could be sent to California. Or Texas.”
“Or Boston. Montreal isn’t that far at all.”
“But you can’t sit there and tell me if they offered you a contract with, say, Seattle, that you wouldn’t take it.”
“Of course I’d take it.”
“Even if you were in a relationship with Zach in Vermont?”
“Well, I haven’t thought about it that hard. The NHL is a long way off. Are you saying I shouldn’t be happy now because of something that may or may not happen next year?”
“Is temporary happiness worth hurting Zach in the long run?”
Ugh. I don’t know.
“I know you’re used to living in the moment,” Seth says, “but Zach doesn’t think that way. He needs to be sure of something before he’ll go for it.”
“So, you’re saying I need to give him time.”
“No. I’m saying you should walk away now before it all gets fucked up.”
“Okay, real talk.” I turn to him, wanting to let him know this isn’t a game without giving away that I’m developing actual feelings. “I’m interested in Zach. I don’t know what the future holds, and right now, I’m talking about going on a few dates with him. I’m not planning marriage or a serious relationship or even the L word, so I don’t know what the big deal is. It’s more than fucking around, but I’m not going to make unrealistic promises either. I’m telling you this because even though you don’t like it, I’m doing it. I know you asked me to stay away, and this breaks all forms of bro-code, but I need you to know upfront that I’m going for it because I won’t go behind your back. I’d really like to have your support and not have this come between us as brothers.”
I’m breathless after vomiting that all over him.
All he does is stare me down, and I refuse to look away.
He breaks first. “If you hurt him, I’ll hurt you.”
I grin and reach over to ruffle his hair. “Sure you will.”
“I’m serious, Foster.”
I lose the act. “If I hurt him, I’ll give you a free shot.”
“Deal.”
18
Zach
My TA job isn’t rocket science. I book appointments for Professor Lawrence, meet with students who need help, take notes during class, and fantasize about Foster. All. Damn. Day.
I’ve poured myself into work and thesis research so I don’t have time to think about Foster’s suggestion that we have sex, yet it keeps cropping up, and I keep chickening out of having a conversation with Professor Lawrence. Being Foster’s TA was my last excuse, and if I eliminate that … I shiver. It’s going to be clear to Foster how inexperienced I am because, while watching porn shows me what goes where, it doesn’t specifically show me my role in it all. Or how I’m supposed to perform that role.
I think bottoming looks most appealing to me, especially for my first time. I want Foster to take control and not only because of my inexperience but because it seems so hot. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried though. Worried about it hurting, about not being good enough, about, well, other logistical things …
Since realizing sex with Foster is an actual possibility, I’ve been experimenting with lube and my fingers, and it feels … weird. Good, but … not.