Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 51484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 51484 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 257(@200wpm)___ 206(@250wpm)___ 172(@300wpm)
“I’ve been busy fucking your former best friend,” I snap. It’s spiteful, but saying it makes me feel a tiny bit better. It’s also true. We’re fucking like rabbits. “Which I could be doing right now, but you’re on my phone. Again.”
Saying that feels good, too, actually.
“Goddammit, Sutton,” he sighs. “You know he’s just using you to get back at me. You’re going to get your heart broken.”
I stop trying to wiggle into my pants to scowl into space. “Seriously? Now you care if I end up with a broken heart? Where was that concern five years ago, big brother?”
“I didn’t fucking know you were in love with him!”
“Right.”
“Sutton, I didn’t know. I swear, I didn’t.”
I actually believe him, dammit. Mostly because I never told him. I guarded that secret like it was the entrance to Fort Knox, afraid of what he’d say if he knew. I was barely eighteen. Jordan was twenty-eight. I never cared about that age gap, but I worried Jamison would shut the whole thing down before I ever had a chance with Jordan if he found out.
He didn’t even know, and he still managed to shut it down before we had a chance. Depressing how that worked out. I refuse to let him do it again now.
“Would it have changed anything had you known?” I ask, genuinely curious.
“I don’t know, okay? Is that what you want to hear? That I was a selfish prick who hurt everyone I ever cared about?” He groans like he’s in actual pain. “Christ, Sutton. I’m trying to make amends. I’m trying to do better.”
“No, you aren’t,” I say softly. Defeated. “You’re trying to assuage your guilt. There’s a difference. Making amends means acknowledging what you did. It means facing the people you hurt. It means being honest. You haven’t done any of those things, Jamison.”
“I talked to him after our game. I apologized.”
“Is that what happened?”
“He didn’t tell you?” Jamison sounds surprised, and I can’t help but roll my eyes.
“The whole world doesn’t revolve around you, you know. We don’t talk about you at all.”
“So you just avoid the issue.”
“That’s not what we’re doing,” I protest. But it kind of is…isn’t it? We avoid talking about him like he’s not a silent presence hovering in the corner. Like he has no bearing on our lives at all. And yet, he does.
“Isn’t it? You avoid talking about it because it’s easier.” Jamison sighs. “Maybe I do the same thing, baby sister.”
“I don’t feel sorry for you,” I growl, eyes narrowing. “You’re the one who lied. You’re the one who hurt people. If you want to feel better about it, be honest. Fix it.”
“I’m trying, dammit!”
“Try harder,” I snap, hanging up on him. I toss my phone on the bed with a soft growl, my temples throbbing. Why is he so infuriating? When did he get so twisted up?
Ha. Do I even need to ask? When they named him captain. He finally had everything he spent his whole life working for, and it’s like he didn’t know what to do with it. The one guy everyone was supposed to be able to count on turned into the one guy no one could.
I couldn’t. Jordan couldn’t. Neither could Vanessa.
I sink down onto the side of the bed, picking up my phone. For a long moment, I just hold it, hesitating. And then I suck in a breath and open a browser, typing in her name.
Tears spring to my eyes when I see her wedding announcement. She’s getting married. I click on the only social media link available for her, the same page she had when we were in college. My heart twinges when I realize that I’m still blocked.
Five years later, and she still wants nothing to do with me. It hurts more than it should. Maybe it hurts more now because I know there’s a reason, one I should have known all along. Does she think I just didn’t care? That I knew and simply pretended I didn’t?
I scroll to my messages, pulling up Jordan’s name.
Me: Do you think Vanessa would talk to me if I tried to get in touch?
He reads the message, starts typing, and then stops. A few seconds later, my phone vibrates in my hands.
“Hey,” I whisper.
“What’s wrong, princess?”
“Jamison called again.”
“Fuck.”
“He didn’t tell me what he did,” I quickly say. Even though we don’t talk about it, I know Jordan’s still worried about what happens when the rest of the sky falls down on us. Sooner or later, it’s bound to happen. We can’t ignore the problem away, as much as I wish we could. “But I don’t know. I guess talking to him just made me realize that she probably walked out of my life thinking I knew the truth. She probably hates me for not speaking up for her.”