Total pages in book: 146
Estimated words: 137226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 137226 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 686(@200wpm)___ 549(@250wpm)___ 457(@300wpm)
“Sometimes you don’t,” I tell her. “I was kidnapped and blackmailed.”
Her eyes widen before her mouth flattens out into a smug smile. “And yet here you are, vouching for this man. Let me guess, you’re sleeping with him too.”
“I am not,” I say quickly, wishing my cheeks didn’t automatically burn at the assumption.
She studies me for a moment, her fingernails clicking against the teacup. “Fine. But you wish you were. That’s somehow worse. What do the Kolbecks have over you, Bryn?”
“They don’t have anything over me,” I tell her, unable to keep from glaring.
“And yet he started off blackmailing you. So they just changed their mind from the goodness of their hearts?”
“Andor did. The rest of them didn’t care for me to be part of their operation anyway. But Andor saw my potential.”
She lets out a derisive snort. “Your potential. They want your skills, and what Lemi is, and to take it for themselves. They want to use you, Bryn. And you’re acting as if it flatters you.”
I press my lips together, growing silent. My aunt and I argue often—our tempers come from my father’s side—but I can tell there’s nothing I can say right now that will make her see things any differently.
And she’s not wrong, either. I feel like the Brynla Aihr of a moon cycle ago would have cut ties with Andor already, perhaps violently, and never looked over her shoulder. I would have found some way to escape and made my way back here.
But I’m not that girl. In the month that I’ve been with Andor I’ve developed…feelings. Unwelcome feelings, feelings I know I should run from, feelings I could do a better job of ignoring. Yet still, they remain.
I like Andor.
I think I really like Andor.
More than that, I want Andor.
And my aunt can see that on my face, clear as day.
And with the way I behaved last night, Andor can see it too.
Ellestra sighs. “Bryn,” she says, the hard edge to her voice fading. “I was worried sick about you. And to be honest, I was worried for me as well. I’m so relieved that you are here in front of me, alive and well, but I fear that you are only bringing greater danger into your life. Into our life. You know that we can’t trust anyone other than ourselves, and especially not a member of a syndikat. They’re all in the pockets and on the payrolls of the government. Esland might be awful, but don’t think the other realms are any better. No one is truly free under the thumb of their kings and queens.”
“I’m worried too,” I admit. Then I give her a placating smile. “There. Does that make you feel any better?”
She chuckles dryly. “A little. Just as long as you know what’s at stake.”
“What’s at stake?” I repeat. “Everything is at stake. It always is. It was since the day I was born.”
Both of us fall silent at that. Eventually my aunt starts talking about what I’ve missed while I’ve been gone, what the neighbors have been complaining about, who the new family down the tunnel is, whether the café we always go to should be charging more for their cactus-blossom pastries. While she talks, Lemi naps on his bed, and my mind is lulled elsewhere. There’s only so much gossip I can take, and frankly, after being in Norland, the lives of the people here no longer interest me. It’s not that they themselves are boring, but when you’ve finally been exposed to the world outside, you start to crave more from the people around you.
And I’m starting to crave Andor above all else.
As much as that scares me, tonight I just want…
I just want him.
I finish the cup of tea my aunt makes me and then I excuse myself to go check on Andor. My aunt’s brow is raised so high, you’d think it was making a go for the ceiling. I know exactly what she’s thinking at this point, and I don’t care. She already thought I was sleeping with him anyway.
Might as well make that a reality.
“I’m, uh, going to go for a walk,” my aunt says, clearing her throat awkwardly. “Give you two some privacy.” She walks to the door muttering under her breath, “I’m sure you’ll need it.”
I can’t help but smile to myself as I walk down the hall to the bathroom. I’m no virgin. I’ve had my fun with men, though at this point I’m realizing they were really just boys. But this feels different already. I feel both emboldened in going after what I want—Andor—and nervous, because…well, it’s Andor. I know he won’t reject me, he’s made that clear, but it’s still him. It’s us when there wasn’t really an us before. Lines have already been crossed, but I feel this is the line you don’t get to return from. After this, everything changes.