Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 93948 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93948 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Maeve rolls her eyes. “Fine. Yes. We’re in. There. Nice, succinct. Happy?”
“I’m with you.”
Gods, they make me sick. I much preferred the Lizzie before she went and fell in love with one of the sweetest women I know. The vampire was a necessary counterpoint to Bowen and Evelyn constantly making eyes at each other. In the days we’ve spent sailing toward the sandbar, it’s become clear that while Lizzie will never be a ray of sunshine, she’s deeply in love with Maeve.
Exhausting, honestly.
I wave a hand at Siobhan. “We already know you’re invested in this suicide mission. Eyal?”
Eyal hesitates, looking around the room with his serious eyes. “I would heartily recommend coming up with an actual plan to minimize the chances that we all die horribly.” He shrugs his shoulders. “But you already know my answer, Captain. It’s the same it’s always been.”
From the time I was a small child, orphaned in Lyari by parents I don’t even remember, all I wanted was to replace the gaping hole inside me. First with the group of street kids who watched each other’s backs…and that’s as far as their loyalty went. Then with Bastian, certain that I would always find a home in his arms. I had learned enough hard lessons by the time I joined Hedd’s crew to know not to expect community there, but when I became captain, that desire, as hearty and annoying as a weed, sprouted again.
In reality, all being captain has done is make me increasingly aware of how much responsibility rests on my shoulders. I might have a true community now, but that community’s safety is my responsibility. I lose sleep worrying about them. I am constantly considering different angles of approach to each battle we face in order to minimize the chances of them being hurt. I would rather take a hit than allow a single one of them to fall under my watch.
I can’t help the fear that rises inside me at the war we’re currently facing. Not a single battle with a definitive end point. An overarching conflict that only ends one of two ways: with them dead…or with us dead.
With that in mind, I turn to Poet. As quartermaster, she is the voice of the crew. “Surely you have thoughts, Poet.”
She shifts from foot to foot. “I’m aware that you don’t want to hear this, but every single crew member will follow you to the depths of whatever underworld you lead them to. We owe our lives to you—and the rebellion.”
The pressure in my chest increases until I can barely breathe around it. I’ve spent my entire life searching for this, only to discover what a poisoned wish it is. Every time one of them is hurt, it hurts me. I worry. I…I swallow hard. “Okay.”
Poet nods at Siobhan. “We know the cost of the Cŵn Annwn maintaining power. We’re with you.”
I’ve become adept enough at hiding my emotions that I simply give them all a rakish grin instead of demanding they all jump ship and find their way to the nearest portal until this is all over. “In that case, my darlings, you have work to do and I have plans to plan.”
They file out, one by one, until it’s only Siobhan left. Instead of following them, she closes the door and leans against it. “That was a rousing commendation of your leadership. You’ve done good work putting your crew together. They trust you implicitly.”
“Shut up, Siobhan.” I turn away, the effort of appearing cool and collected too much to maintain. “This is what you wanted. We’re sailing into certain death at your behest. No need to rub it in.”
“Nox.” She sighs. “If I thought it was certain death, I wouldn’t ask it of you. If there was any other choice, I swear I—”
“No, that’s not what we’re going to do.” I spin back to face her. “What we’re not going to do is pretend that you would make any other choice than the one you’re making. You want Ba—” My voice breaks, and I mentally curse myself for being so affected, even all these years later. I clear my throat. “You want Bastian. You’ve always wanted Bastian.”
“It’s not the way you’re making it sound.” Siobhan shakes her head slowly. “There’s never been one key to everything.”
“Wrong. You are the key to everything.” I finally make myself—allow myself—to look at her. She’s beautiful in the way that mountains are, tall and broad and exhibiting the kind of remoteness that people can kill themselves crashing against. Not that she looks particularly remote right now, with her dark eyes lit up by an internal fire.
I know better than to let myself wonder what would have happened if I’d met her first. I know better, but I wonder all the same.
To distract myself from the toxic thoughts, I do my best to focus entirely on what comes next. “You shouldn’t be on this ship when we get to the sandbar. We can risk me and the crew and even…Bastian. We can’t risk you, Siobhan. Your strength is in your secrecy. If no one knows you’re alive…”