Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 93948 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 93948 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 313(@300wpm)
“And you don’t push yourself hard enough…except that doesn’t seem to be true anymore, does it?” Their eyes flutter open but they don’t otherwise move their body, pinning me in place with those pale gray orbs. “We’re clear?”
“At least for now. With the storm and the fog and the wave, it will take them some time to figure out they’re no longer chasing us, but a ghost. The glamour’s gone, but the elements will work in our favor.”
“Good.” They shift and frown. “I’m naked.”
There’s no excuse for the bolt of heat that goes through me at their frank words. I have to actually turn away to hide the physical evidence of my desire—desire they didn’t ask for and wouldn’t welcome. I clear my throat. “Siobhan’s work. I didn’t look. I know that would have been crossing a line. No matter what else you believe of me, please believe that I don’t want to hurt you. I never did.”
“I know.” Nox sighs, sounding more tired than I’ve ever heard them. “We really were nothing more than children, playing pretend at a future that we could barely conceptualize. It’s easy to feel big things at that age, to be sure that the world will end because of a broken heart.”
I have no right to respond to that. Something I am aware of even as I open my mouth to speak. “Just because we were young doesn’t mean those emotions were false. I loved you with everything I had. My fear of my family cutting me off was just greater. I’ll never stop apologizing for that.”
They give a faint chuckle. “Bastian, please. You just saved the lives of myself and my crew with magic that defies comprehension. I don’t think there’s anything left to apologize for.”
As tempting as it is to leave it at that, I can’t. It wouldn’t be right. They’re trying to let me off the hook, but I don’t deserve it. “That is not the same, and you know it. I may have learned a lot in the intervening years, may have grown up as much as the rest of us seemed to, but I didn’t save your crew because I feel bad for what happened with us. I did it because it’s the right thing to do. It was the only way any of us had a chance of surviving.”
“I know.” They smile sadly. “But the fact that you’ve put up with my…messy emotions? That speaks volumes. Maybe I was too quick to cut you out of any future I might have.”
They make such massive jumps that I have a difficult time following them. “Are you saying…”
“They’re saying they still want you, Bastian.” Siobhan appears in the doorway to the bathroom wearing nothing but a long shirt that had to have come from a different closet than Nox’s. The only person I can imagine it fitting is Bowen, and I don’t like the thread of jealousy that spears me in response to that thought. It’s absolutely illogical in every way, shape, and form.
Nox gives that raspy laugh again. “Correction, darling. I’m saying I want you both. It’s complicated.”
Chapter 19
Nox
In the days that follow my ill-advised proclamation, both Bastian and Siobhan move carefully around me as if attempting to cage a wild animal. They’re not wrong to do so. I still don’t know how to feel, how to handle my pride battling with my desire. I want to blame my reckless words on being woozy from overusing magic again. The truth is significantly less convenient.
I do still care about Bastian. My friendship with Siobhan has always had the potential to deepen. And that scares the shit out of me. I know the cost of loving someone whose future isn’t their own; for better or worse, Bastian ensured I learned that lesson the hard way. He may have shucked some of the hold his family had on him, but he replaced it with the rebellion. Siobhan is the damned leader of the rebellion. I will never come first for either of them, no matter the circumstances.
Maybe I could live with knowing that, could find a way to navigate those treacherous waters now that we’re all in our thirties instead of barely more than children.
But we don’t have any kind of assurance of a future, let alone a future with the time to indulge in personal relationships. I could die. Worse, they could die. It would hurt me now to lose them. If I let them any closer?
It might destroy me.
The crew is more and more on edge with each day that passes as we journey toward Three Sisters. I don’t have the words to reassure them. Every moment that we sail north and east and north again, we’re all on high alert for crimson sails on the horizon, every person working their ass off to keep us afloat in the storm. Bastian’s glamour faded away when his concentration did, but the storm would have helped confuse things. With any luck, Morrigan and the others are still out there, sure that their prey is just out of sight. But I know better than to wager our success on luck alone.