Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 159420 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 797(@200wpm)___ 638(@250wpm)___ 531(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 159420 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 797(@200wpm)___ 638(@250wpm)___ 531(@300wpm)
She doesn’t think you’re a monster, though. She loves you.
Sitting at the lake, her favorite spot, my heart fucking pounds in my chest as I think of that. As I think of her sweet words. Her sweet, soft, life-giving, gut-wrenching words. Because nothing has changed, has it? I’m still the man with scars and a bloody past. I’m still the man who’s too angry and violent, too much in pain. Who hasn’t moved on from his past, like she said. I’m still the man who abandoned his sister. Who did horrible things to the girl he loves. Even though she doesn’t blame me for those things, a man—a man who is worthy of her love—still has responsibilities.
So this is better. A broken heart is better than a broken spirit. Which is what was in store for her if I kept her, if I told her I loved her too. If I told her that, she’d fight the world for me. And she’d do it happily. Isn’t that what she’s willing to do now too? She is willing to put herself in danger for me. For me. Because she loves me.
You make me feel alive. You make me feel safe…
Safe.
I go still. I go absolutely fucking still. As I run her words over and over in my head. I’ve been doing the same thing for the past however many hours I’ve been sitting out here, but for some reason, this part never hit me the way it is hitting now.
I do keep her safe. The thought of someone hurting her, someone scaring her or even looking at her wrong, makes me break out in a sweat, makes my blood boil, my gut clench so hard that I can’t breathe. I can’t exist another second without destroying that threat against her. And it’s always been this way, since the first moment I saw her. Since the first moment I realized I had to become the biggest threat against her. I don’t understand it. I don’t understand the connection I have with her except that it’s fate.
And it still is.
Nothing has changed then, has it?
So what the fuck am I thinking sending her out in the world that’s only ever harmed her? That will harm her because that’s what the world is. I know that firsthand. That’s what’s going to happen, isn’t it, when this ends. Isn’t that why I’ve been trying to cram in every single second of every day with her? Isn’t that why I’ve been soaking up every inch of her light, her warmth, her sweetnes—because one day I’ll have to let her go into the world? Why would I put her through that? Why would I leave her unprotected? Just because I’ll eliminate all the present threats against her doesn’t mean new threats won’t crop up. Doesn’t mean she’ll stay protected.
And why the fuck do I care what the world thinks of me if she is with me? If she looks at me as a man, her man, and not a monster. If she loves me in spite of all my flaws. If our life could be the way it’s been these past few days. Full of love and safety and Jesus, laughter. Something I’ve never had before, not even before the accident. And if she has to fight the world for me, I’ll fight beside her. Or better yet, if someone judges her for being with me, I’ll just have to destroy them first so she doesn’t have to.
I’ll be her man even if I’m a monster to the rest of the world.
Jesus Christ, you’re an idiot. She was right about that too.
I spring to my feet as the world spins around me. I jog over to Tulip, climb on, and take off. I get back to the barn and the first indication that something is wrong when I find the door ajar because I remember closing it. I run over and throw the door open only to find the space empty. Standing in the middle of the room, I look around, my breaths too fast and noisy, my gut rebelling. I tell myself she could be in the main house, but something tells me she isn’t.
Just as I’m about to turn around and go look anyway, I hear a ping coming from my back pocket. Dread, pure and bone-chilling, runs through me as I fish out the GPS device that sends me alerts if the perimeter is breached and tap it awake. My fingers almost crack the screen from how tight I’m holding it when I see her. Right there, in black-and-white, looking into the camera. Her gaze is defiant, rebellious. Like she won’t let anyone win, least of all, me.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck, darlin’, what the—”
I’m turning around, ready to go back out there on Tulip, when I see the two men jump her. They come out of the woods wearing masks, and she panics. Holy Christ. My girl gets scared and she fights. She scratches the mask off one of those men before they carry her away.