Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 73153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
"If you dare try to fucking run away from here, ever, I'll fucking kill you, do you understand me?” He leaned his face down close to mine, tightening his hands. “I will hunt you down, and I will slit your fucking throat, and I will laugh in your face as the life leaves your fucking eyes.” Tears of absolute fear streamed down my face as I froze at his words. “You will not leave this house until you are fucking dead!"
I found myself on my bed wrapped in Trevor's arms when I came back to my senses. I screamed in fear and ripped myself from his arms, falling off of the bed. I scrambled away, pressing my back against the wall. My chest rapidly rose and fell, my heart beating too fast.
Trevor held his hands up in a surrendering gesture, and somewhere in my haze-filled brain, I registered that he was trying to show me he wasn’t a threat. He slowly got up from the bed, taking very slow steps toward me. "Tracey, I'm not going to hurt you. I'm Trevor. Just Trevor. You're safe with me, baby; I promise.”
Kaleb burst into the room, and I jumped in fright, my hands immediately coming up to guard my face. "Tracey, you have to calm down." Trevor’s voice wrapped around me like sweet, dark chocolate. "Come on, Tracey, calm down. Put your head between your knees and take deep breaths."
I did as Trevor told me, and eventually, I managed to calm down. I felt someone running their hand over my hair a moment later. I looked up slowly to see Trevor knelt in front of me. "It's all going to be okay, Tracey. You'll get through this." He gave me a moment. “What happened?”
“I—I had a flashback." Fuck, my hands were still shaking.
After sitting down beside me, he slowly wrapped his arms around me, giving me time to get used to it. "It's going to be alright, Tracey.” Kaleb spoke up as I curled into Trevor’s safe embrace, closing my eyes when he tightened his arms around me. “We all knew you would have PTSD.” I flinched, and Trevor squeezed me gently. “Even your counselor told us the signs were there, and flashbacks might eventually occur. It's something you have to work through."
"Tracey, you might need medication,” Miss Brinson stated as she entered my room with a cup of herbal tea. "I, of course, would have to hide your medicine and give your dosage to you myself, but it might seriously benefit you to talk to your therapist about some kind of medication. That seemed like a very violent flashback, and I don't want you to suffer through your memories."
"How would you feel about medication?" Kaleb asked me as Trevor rubbed my back.
I shrugged. I didn't feel like talking. I just wanted to sit here and draw my strength from Trevor, who was still holding me tight against his chest.
I was scared. I felt like throwing up, and Trevor made me feel just a tiny bit better.
I hated that everything that used to be at my disposal to commit suicide was now gone.
Knives in the kitchen had been hidden. All medications had been moved where I couldn't get to them. I wasn't allowed a razor unless Kaleb's mom or sisters were sitting in the bathroom with me.
In their words, they weren't allowing me to take the easy way out. They wanted me to fight through this and get better.
I felt like I wouldn't ever work through this. I wasn't strong enough to face my demons. I couldn't face what happened to me. I wasn't ready to deal with all of this. It just felt easier to just leave it all behind.
I was broken, and I didn't see any path of healing for myself. My parents had broken me beyond repair.
"Let’s leave them be, Kaleb,” Miss Brinson told her son. “Trevor can help Tracey in a way we can’t.”
I listened, my eyes still closed, as Kaleb and Miss Brinson left the room, shutting my bedroom door behind them. Eventually, there was complete silence in my room besides my and Trevor’s soft breathing. He stayed silent as he held me, leaving me to my thoughts.
I felt the lump in the back of my throat build until tears began to leak from my eyes. Soon, the sobs followed, and I curled into myself, letting everything out.
Trevor just tightened his arms around me, drawing me onto his lap as he ran his fingertips up and down my spine while I broke down.
I was hurting. All of the years of pain were catching up to me. Why couldn't I be one of those girls who had a father that loved her, hugged her, danced with her like normal dads did? Why couldn't I have a mother that rubbed my back and laid in bed with me when I had a nightmare? Instead, I had to suffer and be hurt and be broken.