Total pages in book: 100
Estimated words: 97364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 97364 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 487(@200wpm)___ 389(@250wpm)___ 325(@300wpm)
There’s a knock at my door.
“Unless you’re a murderer, let yourself in.”
The door eases open.
“Hey.” I punch as much enthusiasm into my greeting as I can.
It would be easier to fall on a sword than look at the pain etched into the face of the beautiful man before me: Theo in his tattered, loose jeans, old, black T-shirt with a tear near the neck, and black boots. I can’t see any life in him and it makes me, once again, question my existence. Slow goodbyes offer nothing but drawn-out pain. I did it with Daniel, and now I’m doing it with Theo.
I could cry just watching him stand here, not saying a word. My heart bangs against its cage, wanting to break out and hold on to him. I can’t follow my heart, but oh, how I want to.
I didn’t try to love you.
He lets the door shut behind him and walks to me, kneeling on the floor between my feet. My nose tingles. My eyes burn.
Are you my salvation or my damnation?
I open my mouth, but I can’t speak. My throat swells. Breathing is its own feat. Theo lays his head on my lap and wraps his arms around my waist, but he says nothing.
Drawing in a slow breath and holding it, I roll my eyes toward the ceiling and try not to blink. Give me back the death sentence. Let me die because this kind of suffering is too unbearable. Threading my fingers through his hair, I blink and succumb to the tears that don’t just fall—they come like an enormous wave, shaking my whole body.
He holds me tighter.
My name is Scarlet Stone, and my nana told me I won’t know I’m in love until my heart is broken. Love doesn’t sound so great.
“Don’t go,” I whisper around the emotions choking me. “I-I know you have to go, but I … I have to say the words.” I fight the sobs. “I’m s-sorry … I had to s-say it.” Leaning forward, I rest my head on his, and we stay like this until the pain becomes a numbing reality that we can no longer deny.
When my tears dry and I wonder if he’s even awake, I kiss his ear. “I stole a heart. Daniel needed a heart transplant and so I … stole one. When I take things that aren’t mine, I don’t leave a trail. But emotions made me sloppy. I messed up. Daniel had no idea. My dad confessed, turned himself in with the guarantee that Daniel would never know what he did. But he did nothing. I did it. My dad is in prison for a crime I committed. He wanted a happily ever after for his daughter. I hated him for it.”
I laugh. “Isn’t that crazy? How can I hate him for wearing communal underwear that could have been mine? How can I hate him for giving me freedom, a future, a life? He said someday I’d have a child of my own and understand that there is nothing a parent won’t do to give them the world.”
“And your mom?” He is awake.
“She died—of cancer—before I turned two. My best friend died of cancer too.”
“But you didn’t.”
I kiss his ear again, memorizing the feel of every point where our bodies connect, memorizing the smell of ocean in his hair, the rare vulnerability in his voice. “No. Not yet.”
“Why do you think that is?”
“Why do you swim in the ocean?”
His long lashes flutter with a few blinks. “It feels natural and … freeing. It’s where I let go of everything and it’s …”
I sit up and press my hand to his cheek. He sits back on his heels like I’ve seen him do while working a million times before.
“It’s what?”
His lips twist. “It’s the only time that nothing has to make sense. It’s just me, my breaths, my heartbeat, and the rest of the world could cease to exist in that moment and I wouldn’t care.” He slips off my shoes and socks and rests my feet on his legs, pressing his palms to them.
I curl my toes into the denim, never wanting to lose our touch. “That’s why I left. There was never any moment of grand hope that I would beat cancer. Anyone who beats terminal cancer by any means possible is a bloody miracle. I’m many things, but I never thought I’d be a miracle. I needed for once to find my breath, feel my heartbeat, and let the rest of the world … fade away. I wanted to die without fear or regret. I wanted to find a shred of meaning to my life.”
I shake my head as his hands ghost along my bare feet. “I think so many things in my life fed the disease, and when I truly let go of all of it … it had nothing left to feed on.”