My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely – Read Books Online Free Ebooks good best novels to read

My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely – Read Books Online Free Ebooks good best novels to read http://www.ilovenovels.com Mon, 20 May 2024 22:10:29 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=7.0 http://www.ilovenovels.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/09/favicon.png My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely – Read Books Online Free Ebooks good best novels to read http://www.ilovenovels.com 32 32 Well and Truly Pucked (My Hockey Romance #4) Read Online Lauren Blakely http://www.ilovenovels.com/well-and-truly-pucked-my-hockey-romance-4-read-online-lauren-blakely Mon, 20 May 2024 22:10:29 +0000 http://www.booksnovels.com/well-and-truly-pucked-my-hockey-romance-4-read-online-lauren-blakely Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Funny, Sports Authors: Lauren Blakely Series: My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely
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Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 93417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 467(@200wpm)___ 374(@250wpm)___ 311(@300wpm)

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I swear I only asked one hot hockey-playing friend to give me romance lessons for the week, but three hockey stars volunteered…

The post breakup plan was simple – escape from my toxic ex to a vacation rental and stay far away from men.

But thanks to a booking snafu I’m accidentally sharing it with three hot hockey players. One’s flirty, one’s broody, one’s a cheeky Brit, and they’re all the most attentive men I’ve ever met.

After a couple of glasses of champagne, I’m telling them about the contest my ex is running on his dating advice web site. The topic? What makes a great boyfriend, and I want to submit a column.

All three offer to show me every single thing I’ve been missing in and out of bed.

We make a deal for one week only. It’s only for revenge, of course. I work for the other hockey team in the city so it’d be a big mistake to truly get involved with a rival, let alone three .

Even though I melt under their touch. They show me what it means to be adored, cherished and romanced .

But as the week ticks on, what started as revenge fast turns into me giving my heart to three men I can’t have. Looks like I’m well and truly pucked.

Tropes: friends to lovers, rivals to lovers, why choose, no swords cross, hockey romance, force proximity, romance lessons, one week only, world's cutest dog

*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************

1

HE STOLE MY CAT

Briar

“I can’t believe you told your new girlfriend she can have my cat!” I’m still seeing red but try to dodge past my newly minted ex-boyfriend and slide into that sliver of space where the door’s still open, but the jerk slams the door shut before I can answer the call of the meow.

“Madison really bonded with her, and she’s always loved silver tabbies,” Steven the Cat Burglar says, unrepentant in his thievery.

“Oh well, since Madison likes her, it’s just fine!”

My sarcasm is lost on him since he says, “Yeah, Madison’s great. It’s so cute how they love on each other. Madison said to tell you she’ll take great care of the kitty.”

Like his word means anything while I’m standing outside my apartment—correction: my former apartment—with all my things stuffed into garbage bags.

Except my dog, Donut, who’s at my feet, side-eyeing Steven.

“You can’t just take my cat when you kick me out for no reason,” I say, livid and exasperated. I’ve been trying to reason with him since I returned from a trip thirty minutes ago to the biggest surprise of my twenty-six years of life.

Donut barks, backing me up.

But Steven tilts his head, his perfectly gelled black hair not moving an inch, a placating smile on his I-know-best face. “I explained what happened. It wasn’t really no reason.”

I hold up a hand, my jaw ticking. “I don’t need to hear it again.”

“I understand you’re hurt. It’ll take some time,” he says, all smooth and calm, like I’m just some irate advertiser with his man’s man dating advice website rather than the girlfriend he kicked out because he fell into a whirlwind romance in one freaking week while I was out of town. “But someday you’ll understand that you’ll do just about anything for love.”

“Including stealing,” I sputter, then gesture wildly to all my things. “It’s bad enough you threw all my things out like garbage to move her in while I was at a conference.”

“Briar, calm down. Those are lawn and leaf bags, and I bought the extra-strength ones just for this.”

“Well, that makes all the difference,” I say, rolling my eyes.

He pats my shoulder. I jerk away, Donut moving with me. She never liked him. I should have trusted her. Dogs always know best.

“Maybe you need to do more downward dog rather than trying to make a business from your little hobby,” he says.

That’s it. Red billows from my eyes. This guy. What did I ever see in him?

“It’s not a hobby. It’s my business,” I say as I tie up the ends of one of the bags.

“Sure, sure. I bet your little yoga fitness app will go big and then you’ll be able to get another cat,” he says with a slick smile, and glances at his watch, then to the bags littering the hall in his apartment building in Russian Hill. The one he moved me into four months ago when he fell into a whirlwind romance with me. When he told me I was special. When he said he’d never felt this way before. Now, those bags are filled with my underwear, leggings, and books.

It’s official. I have the worst taste in men in the history of the world.

While I knot the final garbage bag, I race through options to get the cat myself. Maybe I can pick the lock since he told me he’s already changed them.

He clears his throat. “Do you need my help to get them in your car before I pick Madison up from her life coaching session?”

Seriously? He met someone else, screwed her, moved her in while I was gone, kicked me out, and thinks I want his help?

I tie the knot tighter and shoot death rays at him from my eyes. “There is absolutely nothing I need from you. Except MY CAT!”

Adjusting the cuffs on his purple paisley dress shirt, he nods toward the door to my former home. “Let’s go before you make a scene, Bri.”

Maybe that’s the trick. He always did hate scenes. I could shout and let the neighbors know what he did when I remember…the balcony.

My lips threaten to curve up in a grin. But I fight off my evil genius-ery.

He’s leaving, and Madison’s not here, which means the apartment is empty except for…my cat.

“Of course,” I say, doing a one-eighty and flashing a grin. I wind Donut’s leash around my wrist, hoist two bags on one shoulder, and drag the other down the hall.

Bump, bump, bump.

Then the steps.

To the front door while Steven holds it open for me. Like that’s gentlemanly. “There. Told you I’d help.”

“You’re so generous,” I lie, faking a smile as he heads to his sleek SUV parked at the curb. He hops in, waving goodbye.

My smile burns off.

And I hustle. With Donut trotting on her tiny Dachshund legs, we race to my little car in the parking lot. I load the garbage bags into the backseat and set Donut in the front. “Be a good girl,” I tell my rescue pup as I crack the window a little for her.

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Thoroughly Pucked (My Hockey Romance #3) Read Online Lauren Blakely http://www.ilovenovels.com/thoroughly-pucked-my-hockey-romance-3-read-online-lauren-blakely Sun, 21 Jan 2024 18:56:09 +0000 http://www.booksnovels.com/thoroughly-pucked-my-hockey-romance-3-read-online-lauren-blakely Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Sports Authors: Lauren Blakely Series: My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely
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Total pages in book: 111
Estimated words: 107453 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 537(@200wpm)___ 430(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)

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Two star hockey players and their best friend’s little sister in a runaway bride rom com!

Picture this. I’m about to walk down the aisle when the groom decides to drop this news on me – he wants to dial it down to just f-buddies.

That’s when my brother’s two pro-hockey playing buddies sneak me out of the church seconds before the wedding march begins. They whisk me away in a convertible and we hit the open road.

But what’s a runaway bride to do with a broken heart and a non-refundable honeymoon? Book an extra ticket and take a double honeymoon with two off-limits, totally charming, absolutely gorgeous star athletes who want to lift my spirits.

When we arrive there’s only bed in the hotel room.

And it happens to fit three. The goalie, the forward and me. Looks like I’m about to get thoroughly pucked on my double honeymoon. Talk about lifting my spirits…

Thoroughly Pucked is a standalone hockey, brother’s best friends, runaway bride MFM romance with a guaranteed why-choose style HEA! No swords cross. This story is perfect for fans of spicy hockey romance!

*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************

1

KEEPING IT TIGHT

Aubrey

They say every girl dreams about her wedding day, but who are they, and how do they know? Did they interview every girl? Also, screw that lie.

I never dreamed of this.

I’m in the musty, wood-paneled bridal room at the non-denominational neighborhood church where my parents were hitched and where my mom still serves as chorus director. I peer down at the lace and tulle dress that feels too long as it grazes my ankles, the diamond solitaire on my ring finger that’s a touch too loose, then the princess-cut lace bodice that’s too pretty for my taste.

This is someone else’s dream for me.

I smooth a shaky hand over my dress, then spin around and meet the gazes of my two bridesmaids—my bookish longtime bestie, Trina, and my feisty and fabulous friend, Ivy.

I put all my energy on them and their unmatching black dresses—I let them pick their outfits because…have you seen bridesmaid’s dresses? “You both look amazing,” I say, since why focus on me when I can focus on others?

Trina turns it right back on me though, saying, “You look beautiful, Aubs.”

“It’s your day and you’re gorgeous,” Ivy adds.

I give a big, playful shoulder shrug and pluck at my dress. “This thing? I just grabbed it from a hanger in the closet.” I’m the fun one, the loud one, the friendly one. So that’s who I’ll be right now, dammit.

Trina holds up a hand. “Stop for just a second and listen…You do look beautiful.”

It’s all too much—these compliments, this dress, this day, these last few minutes before I say I do. “Thanks,” I say, fidgeting with my ring.

Sensing trouble, Trina steps closer, saying with concern, “You don’t seem like yourself, Aubs.”

“If you need anything, just say the word,” Ivy puts in, then points to the door. “Ride or die.”

That offer is far too tempting, but I really shouldn’t go there, even in my head.

Aiden’s the guy for me. He has been since we went to prom together ten years ago. Since we dated again when he returned to Duck Falls briefly after college. And since my wise old dad with the soft, squishy heart told my mom he thought Aiden would be the perfect husband.

“I’m all good,” I say, managing to sound peppy for my friends. I jerk my gaze to the window, staring longingly through the freshly cleaned glass at the parking lot and the white, electric convertible my brother rented for us.

But what if friendly, outgoing Aiden Peters, who returned to town last year to run his family’s pie shop, isn’t the guy I should marry? My gut churns. I hate making a scene, but surely, Trina and Ivy will have the answer. “Girls, I’m not sure if I⁠—”

The door swings open with a loud thunk, the wood slapping the wall behind it.

Ivy flinches. Trina snaps her gaze to the slim guy in jeans and a polo, a smattering of freckles across his fair complexion, his blond hair incongruously messy for today. Aiden’s here and he’s not wearing his tux.

Ivy whips out an arm, pointing to the door. “Rules, Aiden! You can’t see Aubrey.”

“And hello? Put your freaking tux on,” Trina jumps in, like she can’t believe sweet, teddy-bear Aiden forgot to don his duds. “You’re getting married in ten minutes.”

Aiden plucks at his lavender pastel shirt, like this thing? “Actually, I think I look pretty good for today.”

I startle, his odd comment and odd demeanor knocking me further off my game. “W-what do you mean?” I stammer, but there’s a weirdly shameful hope rising inside me.

“Yeah. What do you mean?” Trina demands.

With his best customer-service-in-a-small-town smile, Aiden grabs the door handle, then shows them the way out. “I promise I’ll be quick, ladies. I just need a teeny second with the bride.”

Not my bride. The bride. That hope rises a little higher.

Trina arches a brow. Ivy practically growls at him, then snaps her gaze back to me. “What were you going to say?”

“I’ll tell you later,” I say to my friends, reassuring them. Truth is, I’m dying to know why Aiden’s here dressed like that. Dear god, please say he cheated on me. Stole from me. Fell in mad love with the wedding planner and is running away with her.

They shut the door and it’s just us and my big, inappropriate hope. “So listen,” he begins, and a few bubbles flow through my veins.

For the record, listen is when you know a dude is about to say something dastardly. Why does this fill me with a strange sort of giddy relief?

“I’m listening,” I say, crossing my fingers behind my back.

“You’re a great girl and all,” he says.

There it is. The line that precedes the dump. My heart beats faster. Bring it on. Tell me you’ve been making lattes after dark with the coffee shop owner down the block so I can throw things at you indignantly, like that candle on the coffee table or the songbook. “And you’re seriously hot,” he says.

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Totally Pucked (My Hockey Romance #2.5) Read Online Lauren Blakely http://www.ilovenovels.com/totally-pucked-my-hockey-romance-2-5-read-online-lauren-blakely Thu, 07 Dec 2023 05:55:21 +0000 http://www.booksnovels.com/totally-pucked-my-hockey-romance-2-5-read-online-lauren-blakely Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Novella, Sports Authors: Lauren Blakely Series: My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely
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Total pages in book: 10
Estimated words: 9281 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 46(@200wpm)___ 37(@250wpm)___ 31(@300wpm)

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Ever hear the story about the gal who got dumped with this parting shot? “And, maybe you need some lessons in the bedroom.”

Sure, I wanted to shout at my “You suck in bed too.”

But I’m a lady. I didn’t say that.

I do, however, share the whole sorry story over drinks to my best guy friend—the hockey star who’s been my bestie forever.

And he’s suddenly intensely curious about these bedroom lessons. He’s so damn interested, he says, “I’d be willing to be your test subject.”

If I say yes, it'll change our lifelong friendship in the next twenty-four hours…

*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************

1

BAD ROMANCE VIBES

Katie

When I lock up the lab on Friday night, I leave the ocean research behind and walk into the San Francisco evening with self-care research on my mind instead. I’m in the mood to look out for me. Maybe even get myself a little something.

I’m six months post-breakup after all and doing much better. Feels like a milestone.

As I walk along Fillmore Street, I pass some of my favorite stores till I spot Bling and Baubles, a cute jewelry shop my sister told me about.

Perfect.

I head inside and check out a display of trendy artsy jewelry—boho necklaces, chunky bracelets, cool rings as the woman smiles from the counter, then says, “A Christmas present for you, Katie?”

That’s Rachel, and I’ve gotten to know her since I’ve been back.

“Yes. I need something that says—no, that declares—I’m better off alone, dammit.”

She gives me a sympathetic smile. “I was once there. I call this the Treat Yourself line.” She ushers me over to some bold necklaces with all sorts of pendants—a star, a snake, a skull, a winged dragon, then to another shelf with a collection of chunky metal bracelets alongside vegan leather ones too.

“These all say I can open my own pickle jars, thank you very much,” I tell her, then spot a chunky bracelet shining under the chandelier lighting in the store. “It’s very Wonder Woman.”

“Kind of makes you feel like you’re warding off all the bad romance vibes.”

“Exactly,” I say, liking that approach. “I am happily single now.”

“I can tell,” Rachel says.

I’m so stinking thrilled that Henry is no longer in my life. I’m so damn glad I got out of that going-nowhere-fast relationship. Now, he’s pretty much in the rearview mirror.

Except for one little thing that’s been nagging at me.

His parting words.

But I try not to let his insult get to me.

Instead, I take the bracelet, snapping it on my wrist, then pay and thank Rachel. “I’ll see you at The Spotted Zebra in a little bit?”

“I’ll be there. Carter and I go every year,” she says.

I smile. She and her guy have the best time dating all over town. She’s the one who told me about the annual Christmas party there. “See you soon,” I say, then head out, my gaze turning to the bracelet.

A reminder of where I’ve been and where I am.

Once outside, I take a moment to enjoy this change in my life. After I finished college, I moved to Seattle for my masters. A few months ago, I moved back home—here—to be closer to family. My sister lives and works in the city as the mascot for the Golden State Foxes hockey team. My brother plays for the other hockey team—the Sea Dogs. My mom and grandma are here too. And I have a great job working as a scientist at a lab studying how to improve ocean health and conservation.

My best friend from forever lives here too, and I’ll be seeing him soon—Fisher Hendrix, who just got signed to the city’s Golden State Foxes team.

We’ve been best friends since high school. And I’ll meet him in thirty minutes at The Spotted Zebra for the bar’s annual hot cocoa tasting party. I text him that I’m on my way.

He replies quickly with a Can’t wait, Giraffe.

I laugh at the nickname he gave me when we were younger and I was taller than him for a few months.

That sure changed.

He shot all the way up and bulked out pretty nicely too. You have to be strong and sturdy to be the winger for an NHL team.

But as I’m walking down the street in the foggy evening, silver and gold lights twinkling on the shop windows, the only thing that still feels off are those parting words from Henry.

I really need to let them go.

But they keep replaying. Like my head’s stuck on a loop of the last thing my ex said to me.

Maybe I do just need to tell somebody. If I blurt it out, perhaps I can finally let it go.

2

SNOWGLOBE LUBE

Fisher

The second I walk into the quirky gift shop, Effing Stuff, I spot what I want on a shelf by the counter. Boom. “That one,” I say to my friend Hayes as I point to the snow globe I’m going to snag. Like I can pass up this bad boy. Under the globe, there’s a squirrel spinning on its tail in front of a tree.

Hayes shakes his head, snort laughing. “That’s what you’re getting Katie for the spiked-hot-cocoa party? AKA the get-drunk-and-make-out-under-the-mistletoe-and-blame-the-whiskey party?”

I park my hands on my hips and give him a look. “One, I’m not even going to address that last remark. But two, yes,” I say emphatically. “She’ll love it.”

“Because she’s a squirrel?”

I smack my teammate on the shoulder. “Keep up with me. She likes snow globes, she likes animals, and she likes quirky things. And I need a gift for her.”

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Puck Yes (My Hockey Romance #2) Read Online Lauren Blakely http://www.ilovenovels.com/puck-yes-my-hockey-romance-2-read-online-lauren-blakely Mon, 16 Oct 2023 19:44:56 +0000 https://www.booksnovels.com/puck-yes-my-hockey-romance-2-read-online-lauren-blakely Genre: Alpha Male, Contemporary, Sports Authors: Lauren Blakely Series: My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely
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Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 105679 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)

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The hotshot new hockey player, the veteran team captain, and the woman they fall for when she becomes the new team mascot in a fake marriage hockey rom com!

When my ex trades me out for a better model—my boss—I don’t take getting screwed over lying down.

Instead, I get a glow up, not only landing a new job with the hockey team but also scoring the city’s hot new hockey player as my plus one to my ex’s wedding. Then, the sexy team captain starts flirting with me, too.

But one night after a win, I accidentally marry that intense new guy after the captain dares us to say I do. One dare leads to another, and I’m experiencing double the pleasure as I say puck yes to both players sharing me on my wedding night.

In the morning, when hubby and I are on our way to get an annulment, the team owner spots our rings and invites the new it couple to attend her upcoming charity golf tournament.

Looks like I have to fake it as Mrs. Hockey for the hockey season and the wedding season. There’s only one problem.

We’re not just a couple. Both guys want more of me.

And pretty soon I’ve got a bigger problem – I’m falling for my fake husband and my secret boyfriend at the same time.

Puck Yes is a standalone hockey, fake marriage, neighbors-to-lovers, spicy workplace MFM romance with a guaranteed why-choose style HEA! No swords cross. This story is perfect for fans of Lily Gold, Emily Rath and Lauren Blakely’s Double Pucked!

*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************

1

A PINOT GRANDE

Ivy

Things I didn’t have on my bucket list till right now—watching a hot guy strip naked on a rooftop while watering his eggplant.

It must be my lucky night, though, because my bestie just nudged me and handed over his birdwatching binoculars, whispering: “Free dick.”

Jackson and I are across the street from the show, hanging out on the rooftop patio of our new favorite neighborhood bar, The Great Dane. Usually when I’m here, I enjoy a glass of white and a view of San Francisco. Tonight? I’m enjoying an eyeful of peen with my pinot gris.

Oh, excuse me. Let me revise that drink. “Did I actually order a Pinot Grande tonight?”

“Full-bodied, no less,” Jackson says as I peer at the sight unfolding on the top of the building at the end of the block, where Jackson and I share an apartment. And where, on the penthouse roof, the gardening stud of my dreams has whisked off his gym shorts.

Hello, new neighbor.

The side view leaves little to the imagination. The strapping man is dressed in nothing but big-ass headphones, sunglasses, and slides, and he’s sporting a very nice hose to go with his hose. “Gotta love his commitment to gardening,” I say approvingly, getting a kick out of the show.

Then, the naked gardener turns our way, and all the air escapes my lungs.

He’s going full-frontal fiesta in the sunset, strumming an epic chord using the green hose as his guitar. “This is not a drill. This is a sign that tomorrow I’m getting that promotion,” I whisper. Since I’m nothing if not a good friend, I thrust the binoculars back at Jackson. “Don’t ever say I don’t love you.”

“You love me madly.” Jackson jams them against his eyes while whistling a happy tune. After a few seconds, he lowers the binoculars with a satisfied sigh. “Show’s over. He went inside. Aubrey is so going to curse her bladder for having missed this,” he says, nodding at the hallway leading to the restroom.

“She is.” I lean against the stone railing, gazing at the pink and lavender sky. “Also, I apologize for ever mocking you for carrying pocket binoculars.”

Jackson gives a stately nod, conferring his royal pardon. “You’re forgiven. It’s your night.” He sips his mocktail. “I can practically taste the promotion you’re getting in the morning. That gardening striptease was like your pre-ward for it.”

No one celebrates things that haven’t yet happened better than Jackson, and I’m all in with this pre-ward evening out. After three shitty post-break-up months—cheating exes who insult you can suck it—and late nights busting my ass for Simone, my fashion influencer boss, I have a good feeling about tomorrow morning’s meeting. I’ve been angling for my own channel under her online fashion umbrella, and she’s been dropping hints that she has something big to share with me tomorrow.

My fingers are crossed.

I’m lifting my glass when the quick click of heels on the concrete heralds Aubrey’s return. She charges at us, waggling her phone, nostrils flared, auburn hair flying.

“Your ex,” she hisses when she reaches us.

Prickles of worry slide down my spine. What the hell could that philanderer have done while Aubrey was in the little girls’ room?

“What about Xander?” I ask, not quite alarmed but definitely concerned.

Aubrey shoves the phone at me, her face a cocktail of anger and empathy. It’s open to a pic on her social feed. Grabbing the phone, I squint at the picture, hold it close, hold it far, and then show it to Jackson for a second opinion on everything wrong with this picture. My heart pounds and races, and my blood goes from a simmer to a boil.

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Double Pucked (My Hockey Romance #1) Read Online Lauren Blakely http://www.ilovenovels.com/double-pucked-my-hockey-romance-1-read-online-lauren-blakely Tue, 20 Jun 2023 02:20:50 +0000 http://www.booksnovels.com/double-pucked-my-hockey-romance-1-read-online-lauren-blakely Genre: Contemporary, Sports Authors: Lauren Blakely Series: My Hockey Romance Series by Lauren Blakely
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Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 90475 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 452(@200wpm)___ 362(@250wpm)___ 302(@300wpm)

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A jilted book nerd, a plan for sweet revenge, and the two hockey stars who volunteer as her tributes...

When I discover my boyfriend is cheating on me, I move out right away taking what I love most – my dog. As I fly out the door, I make sure to swipe the thing my ex loves best. The VIP tickets he won to a hockey game, complete with the chance to spend an evening with the city’s two biggest NHL stars. I can’t wait to snap selfies with my ex’s idols and rub it in his face. Except, when I head out with the two hockey studs, they have something else in mind besides sweet revenge. Would I like to spend the night…with both of them? Talk about the VIP experience. That’s what I get for one knee-weakening, sheet-grabbing night. In the morning, I plan to return to my bestie’s house to crash on her couch with my dog. But when they learn what happened with my awful ex, they ask me to be their temporary roomie for the week. Oh, and one of them needs my help with his grumpy reputation. The other? Well, he wants me to be his fake date at an upcoming wedding. Looks like I’m about to get double pucked. Again.
Double Pucked is a roomies to lovers, fake dating, image makeover, super spicy hockey rom com with a guaranteed why-choose style HEA! No swords cross. The two guys are all about HER all throughout! This story is perfect for fans of Lily Gold and Emily Rath!

*************FULL BOOK START HERE*************

1

THE DOG ATE MY UNDERWEAR

Trina

Let me state for the record—I love my dog madly. This little stinker of a Min Pin mix is my baby, with his three legs, slobbery kisses, and burrow-under-my-covers-and-snuggle-all-night soul.

But there’s one thing I don’t love about my dog, Nacho. He eats my underwear.

You’d think a four-foot-high hamper with a lid that shuts would deter him. You’d be dead wrong.

As a hockey game blasts on the TV next to him, the twenty pounds of trouble lounges in his cuddler cup, licking his naughty lips without an ounce of remorse, the spoils of our lingerie war in his paws. Again.

“Seriously? Did you have to make them crotchless?” I ask as I bend down to grab the panty leftovers.

He doesn’t even have the decency to look guilty. Just wags his tail. Too adorably.

Gingerly, I pluck the remains of my pink polka-dot boy shorts from his pervy paws while my boyfriend Jasper shouts at the TV, “Are you kidding me? That was cross-checking.”

With an outrage only known to the species of rabid sports fans who wear jerseys of other men, Jasper jumps up from the couch, barking at the refs, telling them they’re blind, he’s going to give them a piece of his mind when he goes to the game later this month, and blah, blah, blah.

It’s just hockey. Who cares? Well, besides Jasper, though caring is an understatement to describe how he feels about hockey. Come to think of it, so is the word obsessed. With the half-eaten undies in hand, I walk behind the couch, not in front of it, so I don’t block his view as I head to the trash bin. I don’t dare disturb him during a hockey bout. Or match. Or whatever it is the guys on screen are doing with sticks and ice and stuff.

“Guess I’ll be shopping for new panties later today,” I say to myself as I drop the remains of my dignity in the garbage bin.

“What, babe?” Jasper calls out, and that must mean there’s a cross-checking time-out. Is that a thing? Who knows?

As a jingle about chicken wings with burn-your-tongue-off hot sauce plays from the TV, I answer him, “The dog ate my panties again. I’m going to go shopping for new ones. He went on a tear this week.”

“Oh, could you get thongs this time? Those are hot.”

That’d be a hard no. “I don’t want to floss my ass all day long at the bookstore.”

“But you’d look so good in them,” he says in his sexy baby pretty please voice. “You could wear one when we use those VIP tix later this month.”

Ugh. Don’t remind me. One of my life goals is to avoid ever going to a sporting event. Naturally, I had to fall for a sports junkie. But I’ll make the game fun by turning it into a gift that keeps on giving. I bought Jasper some jerseys for each team, and some pucks, and I’m going to get them all signed by the athletes as a surprise for him.

“Let me get this straight,” I call out as I grab my phone from the counter. “You want me to wear a thong and nothing else to the VIP thingie?”

He wiggles his eyebrows my way. “A thong and a short dress and those hot glasses. Yowzers.”

Well, I wear the glasses everywhere. But I don’t point that out. “Sounds perfect for a game played on ice,” I tease, stuffing my phone in my pocket, then grabbing my purse and keys. But on the way to the front door of our apartment in the Mission District, a terrifying sound catches my attention. A dry heave, then a wheezing hack, and then a horrible gasp of air.

Oh no! My baby!

I spin around. Nacho is puking up panty parts like a priest is conducting a lingerie exorcism of his esophagus.

My heart rockets with worry. I fly over to my darling, scoop him up, and race off to the vet around the corner as Jasper yells obscenities at the screen.

“He’s going to be fine.”

I can breathe again.

I press my palms together in gratitude. “Thank you so much, Doctor Lennox. I can’t thank you enough.” Then I wince, filled with worry. “But what do I do if Nacho does it again? I honestly didn’t think he ate that much. I mean, how much underwear is too much underwear? He’s done this before but he usually only eats—”

I stop myself before I say the next thing out loud. The panel. Seriously. How gross is that? My dog eats the panel of my panties after I take them off and I’m telling the story to the guy who’s known online as The Hot Vet, since he shoots helpful tips for pet owners. No wonder my older sister thinks I’m the family hot mess.

In this moment, she’s not wrong.

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