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	<title>The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale &#8211; Read Books Online Free Ebooks good best novels to read</title>
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		<title>Quit Bein&#8217; Ugly (The Southern Gentleman #3) Read Online Lani Lynn Vale</title>
		<link>http://www.ilovenovels.com/quit-bein-ugly-the-southern-gentleman-3-read-online-lani-lynn-vale</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[testblog]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Sun, 25 Apr 2021 11:48:01 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Alpha Male]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Contemporary]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Erotic]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Insta-Love]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Suspense]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lani Lynn Vale]]></category>
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			<span class="cat-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Categories </span>Genre: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/alpha-male" rel="category tag">Alpha Male</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/contemporary" rel="category tag">Contemporary</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/erotic" rel="category tag">Erotic</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/romance/insta-love" rel="category tag">Insta-Love</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/romance" rel="category tag">Romance</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/suspense" rel="category tag">Suspense</a></span> <span class="tags-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Tags </span>Authors: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/authors/lani-lynn-vale" rel="tag">Lani Lynn Vale</a></span> <span class="cat-links">Series: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></span><br />	
	
	
	
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<div class='book-details-pages-words'><strong>Total pages in book: </strong>59<br /><strong>Estimated words: </strong>58447 (not accurate)<br /><strong>Estimated Reading Time in minutes: </strong>292(@200wpm)___ 234(@250wpm)___ 195(@300wpm) <br /></div><div class='pagination-custom-post-pages'><a href='#'><<<</a><a href='#'><</a><a href='#' class='active'>1</a><a href='?mypage=2'>2</a><a href='?mypage=3'>3</a><a href='?mypage=11'>11</a><a href='?mypage=21'>21</a><a href='?mypage=2'>></a><a href='?mypage=59'>59</a></div>	
	
	
	
	

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<table id="bookdetailstable">  <tr>    <th><h2>Read Online Books/Novels:</h2></th>    <th><h2>Quit Bein' Ugly (The Southern Gentleman #3)</h2></th>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><h4>Author/Writer of Book/Novel:</h4></td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale Books</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>Language:</strong></td>    <td><h5>English</h5></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>ISBN/ ASIN:</strong></td>    <td><h6>B08T9WLSJ1</h6></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><strong>Book Information:</strong></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><br />
There’s a crush, and then there are the type of feelings that Croft Cruisie evokes from a person.<br />
He’s everything that any straight woman would want: tall, handsome, charismatic, muscular, and sweet.<br />
At least, Carmichael thought he was sweet, until he brings another woman to the gym she owns with her brother, on the night that’s to be their first date, and lets her know in a quick and painful, non-verbal way that her feelings are not reciprocated.<br />
Fast forward six months, and she’s still trying to move on from the rejection.<br />
It doesn’t help that the jerk moves in next door to her, and that she has to see him workout shirtless every single day.<br />
How can a woman get over a silly crush when that silly crush won’t so much as give her room to breathe?<br />
***<br />
Croft doesn’t know what happened.<br />
One day he was supposed to go on a date with the girl that wouldn’t leave his thoughts for even a second, and the next she’s avoiding him like the plague.<br />
No matter how hard he tries—and admittedly, it isn’t all that hard due to the biggest case of his career taking over his life—he can’t get her to tell him what he did wrong. She refuses to give him a second chance.<br />
At least, not until he’s nearly killed in front of the courthouse, that is.<br />
The moment he sees his chance, he pounces. Or, more literally, he limps.<br />
But the limping is what draws Carmichael in. The Southern charm that was instilled in him since birth will be what gets her to stay.<br />
That’s his plan, anyway.<br />
Funny thing about plans… they never seem to work out how you expect them to. <br />
  </td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books in Series:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books by Author:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale Books</a></h3></td>  </tr></table><br><br>PROLOGUE<br><br>The path to inner peace begins with four words: not my fuckin’ problem.<br><br>-Carmichael’s secret thoughts<br><br>CARMICHAEL<br><br>I was really fucking giddy.<br />
<br />
Like, so much so that I was practically bouncing my way through my day.<br />
<br />
Tonight, I would be going out on a date with Croft, and I literally could not contain my excitement.<br />
<br />
“What’s with that look on your face, girl?” Raleigh, my good friend and a fellow teacher, asked.<br />
<br />
I looked over at her.<br />
<br />
Not even the shitty kids that I’d just had to deal with could ruin my high.<br />
<br />
“I have a date.” I paused. “With your brother.”<br />
<br />
Raleigh made a disgusted face. “Gross.”<br />
<br />
I rolled my eyes and picked up the stack of tests that I would need to take home and grade tonight.<br />
<br />
“I’m excited,” I said and looked at her. “This isn’t going to make things weird between us, is it?”<br />
<br />
She snorted. “No. Not unless you decide to kick him to the curb because of who his sister is.”<br />
<br />
I scoffed. “I like you more than him. If he made me choose between the two of you, you’d win hands down.”<br />
<br />
Raleigh fist-pumped the air. “Score!”<br />
<br />
We laughed as we walked out to the parking lot together. “Are you going to the gym tonight?”<br />
<br />
She was already shaking her head. “No, tonight Ezra and I have a date for the first time since two-a-days started. We are going out to eat and grabbing some drinks one final time before practice and school officially starts. That means that I have to go get my toes done and my lady parts waxed before I go.”<br />
<br />
I wished I could go do that.<br />
<br />
But I had to teach a class tonight before my date with Croft.<br />
<br />
“That sounds heavenly,” I admitted. “What sounds even better is the idea of getting my toes done and having a pampering day. I don’t think my toes have seen my favorite nail salon in months.”<br />
<br />
“You should go with Camryn and me some time,” she urged. “We’re always down for pedicures.”<br />
<br />
After making plans to meet the next time that she needed them done, we went our separate ways.<br />
<br />
My drive to the gym was short.<br />
<br />
Gun Barrel, Texas wasn’t a huge town. But, on one side was the school, and the opposite side was the gym that I co-owned with my brother, Flint.<br />
<br />
Flint, who was going on his own date tonight and had begged and pleaded for me to cover the class so he could take his girl out. I’d agreed before I’d agreed to the date with Croft, so I was not reneging on the deal.<br />
<br />
Plus, it would get me a couple of slices of cake from my favorite place in town that was only open to the people that made reservations months in advance.<br />
<br />
Arriving at the gym, I made quick work of changing out of my work clothes and changing into a pair of tight booty shorts, ones that were extra bright pink and sparkly, and a cut-off t-shirt that showed off my toned arms but didn’t hug my slightly pudgy belly too tightly.<br />
<br />
I was just pulling out the equipment that we would need to use when the gym started to fill up with our patrons that came at this particular time.<br />
<br />
I was so busy with getting everything ready for the workout that at first I hadn’t noticed that Croft had arrived.<br />
<br />
I might have noticed if he’d arrived alone and gone to his regular spot.<br />
<br />
But he hadn’t arrived alone.<br />
<br />
He’d arrived with a woman.<br />
<br />
A woman that was practically clinging to his side, looking intimidated.<br />
<br />
I frowned as I saw her place her hand on his arm to get his attention. Once she had it, she didn’t take it off. She left it there with a small smile on her face as she leaned into him and said something.<br />
<br />
Something angry and ugly reared its head inside of me, and I realized that it was jealousy.<br />
<br />
I was jealous of her hand on his arm.<br />
<br />
He was my Croft, not hers!<br />
<br />
I quickly turned away, busying myself with pulling out the kettle bells.<br />
<br />
It was when I was picking up the fourth one and a half pood kettlebell—yes, you read that right, pood—that he finally made his way over to me.<br />
<br />
With her scampering at his heels like a well-trained dog.<br />
<br />
“Carmichael,” Croft said as he grinned at me. “How was your day at work?”<br />
<br />
Before I could answer, the girl that was stuck to Croft’s ass said, “Croft. It’s rude not to introduce me.”<br />
<br />
I felt my eye twitch.<br />
<br />
“Oh, shit, sorry, darlin’.” Croft gestured at me. “This is Carmichael. She and her brother own this gym. She’s a local teacher at the high school. Carmichael, this is Karen. Karen is new to our firm and our city, so I thought I’d bring her around and show her all the good places.”<br />
<br />
Karen.<br />
<br />
What a fitting name.<br />
<br />
That was the name from hell. Also, it was the name that some of the funniest memes were using.<br />
<br />	
	

			
			

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			</item>
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		<title>Lord Have Mercy Read online Lani Lynn Vale (Southern Gentleman #2)</title>
		<link>http://www.ilovenovels.com/lord-have-mercy-2-read-online-lani-lynn-vale</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[testblog]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Wed, 31 Jan 2018 01:57:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Alpha Male]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Suspense]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lani Lynn Vale]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.test123.demo2.xyz/lord-have-mercy-2-read-online-lani-lynn-vale</guid>

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			<span class="cat-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Categories </span>Genre: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/alpha-male" rel="category tag">Alpha Male</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/romance" rel="category tag">Romance</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/suspense" rel="category tag">Suspense</a></span> <span class="tags-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Tags </span>Authors: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/authors/lani-lynn-vale" rel="tag">Lani Lynn Vale</a></span> <span class="cat-links">Series: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></span><br />	
	
	
	
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<div class='book-details-pages-words'><strong>Total pages in book: </strong>69<br /><strong>Estimated words: </strong>68066 (not accurate)<br /><strong>Estimated Reading Time in minutes: </strong>340(@200wpm)___ 272(@250wpm)___ 227(@300wpm) <br /></div><div class='pagination-custom-post-pages'><a href='#'><<<</a><a href='#'><</a><a href='#' class='active'>1</a><a href='?mypage=2'>2</a><a href='?mypage=3'>3</a><a href='?mypage=11'>11</a><a href='?mypage=21'>21</a><a href='?mypage=2'>></a><a href='?mypage=69'>69</a></div>	
	
	
	
	

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﻿<table id="bookdetailstable">  <tr>    <th><h2>Read Online Books/Novels:</h2></th>    <th><h2>Lord Have Mercy (The Southern Gentleman #2)</h2></th>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><h4>Author/Writer of Book/Novel:</h4></td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>Language:</strong></td>    <td><h5>English</h5></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>ISBN/ ASIN:</strong></td>    <td><h6>B07N1QSYFB</h6></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><strong>Book Information:</strong></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><br />
Poor judgment: knowing better yet doing it anyway. <br />
Flint Stone is a professional in every way. <br />
He’s a police officer with the K-9 unit and works at Gun Barrel High as the school resource officer. In his spare time, he’s working his heart out to create a successful gym from the ground up. <br />
He’s loved by every single person he ever encounters—student, faculty, and employees—Everyone but Camryn Elvis Presley. <br />
The only thing they have in common is their mothers’ poor excuses for names. Period. The end. <br />
So why is it every time she crosses his path that he has the urge to mess up her perfectly curled hair? Or unbutton a few of her prim and proper buttons? <br />
He knows he should stay away, yet like the high schoolers he’s around every day, he has no choice but to react first and think about the consequences later. <br />
Side note—bad decisions are made, leading to lapses in judgment that threaten both of their jobs. Yet when the time comes, neither one can seem to find the wherewithal to care. Why? Because being bad feels so good.<br />
  </td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books in Series:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books by Author:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale Books</a></h3></td>  </tr></table><br><br>Chapter 1<br><br>It’s not every day you get to tell someone ‘go fuck yourself’ and get arrested for it.<br />
<br />
-Camryn’s secret thoughts<br />
<br />
Camryn<br />
<br />
I grinned at the new teacher. His name was Carver Brown, and he was everything that a woman looked for when she was choosing a life mate.<br />
<br />
He was sexy, had a very high IQ, and didn’t call me annoying.<br />
<br />
No, who did call me annoying was the school resource officer, Flint Stone.<br />
<br />
Flint was the total opposite of Carver.<br />
<br />
Carver was on the shorter side of six feet, had long limbs and was leanly muscular, and he was a blond with soft, creamy white skin. He even had freckles.<br />
<br />
I loved his freckles.<br />
<br />
I had freckles. What’s not to love about freckles?<br />
<br />
Flint?<br />
<br />
Yeah, Flint didn’t have freckles.<br />
<br />
In fact, Flint was so beautiful it took my breath away…until he opened his mouth.<br />
<br />
Flint was tall—way taller than Carver. He towered over Carver’s mere six feet in height. I had to only assume that he was at least five to six inches greater in height.<br />
<br />
And oh, the muscles. Flint wasn’t whip-cord lean like Carver. He was big, muscular, and looked like sometimes he’d like to squeeze my head in between those big ass hands until I grew some sense.<br />
<br />
But I did have sense, dammit!<br />
<br />
I was just a befuddled mess around the man.<br />
<br />
I mean, it wasn’t every day that a person hated you just on general principle!<br />
<br />
But, for some reason, Flint did.<br />
<br />
He hated me, and I hadn’t a clue as to why.<br />
<br />
“Seriously, woman. Just move the damn car!” Flint growled.<br />
<br />
I would have.<br />
<br />
Really, I would have.<br />
<br />
But his goddamn K-9 partner, who hated my guts, growled at me.<br />
<br />
I froze in the process of taking another step in the direction of my vehicle.<br />
<br />
So I might, or might not have, rear-ended Officer Meaniehead when I wasn’t paying as much attention as I should be.<br />
<br />
I hadn’t meant to, honest.<br />
<br />
But, like always when I came into contact with Flint Stone, aka only ‘call me Officer Stone, Ms. Presley,’ I lost my damn mind when he was around.<br />
<br />
I had no explanation as to why, either.<br />
<br />
It’s just like something in my brain stopped working properly when my body and mind realized he was close.<br />
<br />
Like kind of what happened just a few minutes ago.<br />
<br />
I’d been driving along, minding my own business, ready to get back to work after an extremely short summer vacation, and had been driving the speed limit for once.<br />
<br />
Then, the light had turned red, and I’d automatically assumed that the dumbass—Flint, though I didn’t know it was him at the time—would go through the light since he was already practically in the intersection.<br />
<br />
Except, he’d stopped.<br />
<br />
And I hadn’t.<br />
<br />
At least not until my front bumper made contact with his back bumper—in his police cruiser of all things.<br />
<br />
To make matters worse, Carver had been directly behind me and had seen the entire thing.<br />
<br />
Which led us to now.<br />
<br />
I was told to move my car to the side of the road because we were blocking traffic, but each time I went to move, the K-9 officer from hell named Dooley would growl at me and make fear rip at my heart.<br />
<br />
See, there weren’t many things that I was afraid of.<br />
<br />
Dying while a large piece of plate glass falls on me from eighteen stories up, logs rolling off a log truck, being accidentally hung, and an airplane crash—all thanks to watching Final Destination at an impressionable age—and by a dog attack were all on my top five list.<br />
<br />
Why was I worried about a dog attack?<br />
<br />
Because when I’d been fifteen, an officer had brought a K-9 officer into my house on a search warrant that’d been issued on the wrong house, and when I’d tried to run like any rational human being that’d had someone slam into their house while they were minding their own business enjoying their evening. I panicked and the K-9 police dog had tried to apprehend my fleeing form.<br />
<br />
I now had fear of dogs, in general, to show for it.<br />
<br />
Flint sighed and put his dog back into the cruiser that he’d already moved to the side of the road, and I chose to dive into my car before he changed his mind.<br />
<br />
After moving my vehicle over, I remained inside for a few long seconds as I tried to calm my erratic heart rate.<br />
<br />
God, I wasn’t sure if it was Flint’s nearness, or his dog’s.<br />
<br />
Either way, I wasn’t sure that I could get out of the car again.<br />
<br />
My legs weren’t working properly.<br />
<br />
“Let’s go, Ms. Presley,” Flint drawled from outside my window.<br />
<br />
I opened my eyes and saw him standing there glaring at me through the cracked window and wondered how in the hell I was supposed to function with that much hate aimed toward me.<br />
<br />
***<br />
<br />
Flint<br />
<br />
I crossed my arms and gave the woman my most patient look and saw her shiver.<br />
<br />
After a few more long seconds, she exited the car once again and stared at me like I was about to hit her at any second.<br />
<br />	
	

			
			

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		<title>Hissy Fit Read online Lani Lynn Vale (Southern Gentleman #1)</title>
		<link>http://www.ilovenovels.com/hissy-fit-1-read-online-lani-lynn-vale</link>
		
		<dc:creator><![CDATA[testblog]]></dc:creator>
		<pubDate>Mon, 01 Jan 2018 01:57:33 +0000</pubDate>
				<category><![CDATA[Alpha Male]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Contemporary]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Funny]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Romance]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Sports]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Lani Lynn Vale]]></category>
		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.test123.demo2.xyz/hissy-fit-1-read-online-lani-lynn-vale</guid>

					<description><![CDATA[]]></description>
			<span class="cat-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Categories </span>Genre: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/alpha-male" rel="category tag">Alpha Male</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/contemporary" rel="category tag">Contemporary</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/funny" rel="category tag">Funny</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/romance" rel="category tag">Romance</a>, <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/genre/sports" rel="category tag">Sports</a></span> <span class="tags-links"><span class="screen-reader-text">Tags </span>Authors: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/authors/lani-lynn-vale" rel="tag">Lani Lynn Vale</a></span> <span class="cat-links">Series: <a href="http://www.ilovenovels.com/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></span><br />	
	
	
	
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<div class='book-details-pages-words'><strong>Total pages in book: </strong>72<br /><strong>Estimated words: </strong>70741 (not accurate)<br /><strong>Estimated Reading Time in minutes: </strong>354(@200wpm)___ 283(@250wpm)___ 236(@300wpm) <br /></div><div class='pagination-custom-post-pages'><a href='#'><<<</a><a href='#'><</a><a href='#' class='active'>1</a><a href='?mypage=2'>2</a><a href='?mypage=3'>3</a><a href='?mypage=11'>11</a><a href='?mypage=21'>21</a><a href='?mypage=2'>></a><a href='?mypage=72'>72</a></div>	
	
	
	
	

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﻿<table id="bookdetailstable">  <tr>    <th><h2>Read Online Books/Novels:</h2></th>    <th><h2>Hissy Fit (The Southern Gentleman #1)</h2></th>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><h4>Author/Writer of Book/Novel:</h4></td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>Language:</strong></td>    <td><h5>English</h5></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td><strong>ISBN/ ASIN:</strong></td>    <td><h6>B07MP5XNLJ</h6></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><strong>Book Information:</strong></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td colspan="2"><br />
He is the one that never looks her way. He is handsome and strong. He is rough around the edges and mean. He is everything she’s ever wanted. He doesn’t even know she exists. Her life is a joke.<br />
<br />
She doesn’t step on cracks in the sidewalk. She laughs at inappropriate times. She talks when she shouldn’t.  She is clumsy and trips on air. She is finally on his radar. God help her now.<br />
  </td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books in Series:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/series/the-southern-gentleman-series-by-lani-lynn-vale">The Southern Gentleman Series by Lani Lynn Vale</a></h3></td>  </tr>  <tr>    <td>Books by Author:</td>    <td><h3><a href="/authors/lani-lynn-vale">Lani Lynn Vale Books</a></h3></td>  </tr></table><br><br>Chapter 1<br><br>Women my age are supposed to be able to look suave and sophisticated while walking in heels. Me? I manage to trip over thin air.<br />
<br />
-Raleigh’s inner thoughts<br />
<br />
Raleigh<br />
<br />
If there was one thing in this world that I never wanted to do, it was embarrassing myself in front of him.<br />
<br />
Ezra McDuff, the town bad boy, high school football and baseball coach. was everything I was not.<br />
<br />
Suave. Cool. Coordinated.<br />
<br />
Then there was me.<br />
<br />
My name conjured fear in the hearts of all residents of Gun Barrel, Texas.<br />
<br />
Why, you ask, would an innocent woman like me, the woman that every single kid in town screamed a hello to because she was the ‘best teacher ever,’ strike that kind of fear?<br />
<br />
That’d be because I, Raleigh Jolie Crusie, was the clumsiest person in four counties.<br />
<br />
And normally when I went down, I took people with me.<br />
<br />
For instance, moments before, I’d been walking.<br />
<br />
Sure, I’d been looking down at my phone because I was reading…but that’s beside the point.<br />
<br />
Who the hell put clearance Christmas shit in the middle of a godforsaken aisle?<br />
<br />
Target, that’s who.<br />
<br />
There I was, walking and minding my own business while I caught up on my latest read, and the next thing that I know, I ran into a large box of wrapping paper.<br />
<br />
And when I say ‘large,’ I mean large.<br />
<br />
There wasn’t just one box, either.<br />
<br />
There were multiple boxes.<br />
<br />
Fifteen, in fact.<br />
<br />
But, I’d walked past four such boxes before I’d tripped on thin air—like always—and took a header to the left.<br />
<br />
I managed to cradle my phone to my chest and tuck and roll, but that also made me into a human bowling ball.<br />
<br />
I took down not one, not two, not nine, but eleven boxes jam-packed with wrapping paper.<br />
<br />
And every last roll of wrapping paper fell out of the boxes and started rolling in every which direction.<br />
<br />
Meaning that not only did it get me, but it got four other people in the process.<br />
<br />
Jennifer Marie, the beauty consultant at Ulta that was here getting a coffee. Brian McAdams, the young sales clerk that I’d taught three years ago and was now an assistant manager in this fine establishment. Larry Conway, the electrician. And finally, Ezra freakin’ McDuff.<br />
<br />
Though, Ezra didn’t exactly go down like the rest of the people did.<br />
<br />
He only tripped on one and dropped what looked like an armful of undershirts and underwear.<br />
<br />
Boxer briefs.<br />
<br />
Boxer briefs that landed directly next to my face.<br />
<br />
But apparently, clothing hadn’t been the only thing Ezra had been holding.<br />
<br />
He was holding a box of condoms, too.<br />
<br />
Why do I know that particular detail?<br />
<br />
Because the box smacked me in the face, and, like the loser my nose was, it started to bleed.<br />
<br />
He made me bleed by dropping a box of condoms. On. My. Nose.<br />
<br />
Dear sweet baby Jesus on a cracker.<br />
<br />
I grumbled and held onto my nose as I felt the blood start to pour out.<br />
<br />
The only good thing I could say about it was that it was one of those value sized packs, not just the small ones that had like twelve condoms in it…not that I would know. I’d never bought condoms before, so who knew? Maybe the value size was really the smaller package.<br />
<br />
The closest I’d ever gotten to the condoms was when I was buying tampons, and even then, they were still half an aisle away from the offending pieces of latex.<br />
<br />
I wailed and rolled onto my hands and knees.<br />
<br />
Instead of waiting around for cleanup, and knowing what a bleeder I was, I started to make a mad dash toward the bathroom where I could find something to hold over my nose.<br />
<br />
The first thing I came to once I was inside were the paper towels.<br />
<br />
I moaned as I covered my nose with a handful of towels, cursing the stupid machine when it only spit out a small square of paper at a time.<br />
<br />
God.<br />
<br />
Anybody. Anybody in the freakin’ world could’ve hit me in the nose with those condoms, and I would’ve been okay. Anybody but Ezra McDuff.<br />
<br />
Shit.<br />
<br />
Shit. Shit. Shit.<br />
<br />
I panted into the paper and rested my head against the cool, white-tiled wall beside the dispenser.<br />
<br />
Then I counted to one hundred, hoping that would help.<br />
<br />
It didn’t.<br />
<br />
But what it did do was give my nose enough time to stop bleeding.<br />
<br />
I reached for my phone, thinking now would be a perfect time to call my best friend, Camryn, and tell her about my humiliation.<br />
<br />
But…it wasn’t there.<br />
<br />
I closed my eyes and realized what had happened.<br />
<br />
When those condoms had hit me in the face, I’d dropped my phone to immediately raise my hands to my nose. And in doing so, had left my phone wherever it happened to be when my hand had discarded it.<br />
<br />
Garnering the courage, I walked to the door and pushed.<br />
<br />
When I opened the door, bloody paper towel still in my hand in case it started to bleed again, it was to find the best backside in Gun Barrel, Texas blocking the door.<br />
<br />	
	

			
			

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