Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 101764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101764 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 509(@200wpm)___ 407(@250wpm)___ 339(@300wpm)
“Hey, don’t knock that special time in my life. For half a week, we were super serious. He carried my books to class and everything,” Alex said with a wink.
God, I loved it when he shed his rigid outer shell and got playful with me. When he let down his guard and allowed me to see the man he shielded from everyone else. Sure, he laughed, joked, and smiled with his VIP customers at Top Shelf, but now that I’d spent enough time with him to see beneath his hard exterior, I realized what a performance he put on at work. None of those smiles were real. They were an act to garner tips. We all did it.
“Fine,” I said with an exaggerated sigh. “Guess I’ll have to settle for being your second. At least I know I’ll be the best.”
Instead of laughing like I’d been going for, he grew serious. “Yeah, I think you will be.” He climbed out of his side of the booth and scooted in next to me.
Being a table designed for two, we barely fit on the single-occupant bench together. Not that I minded, he could press up against me anytime he wanted. Alex rested his chin on my shoulder and whispered, “I’m sorry for screaming at you last night when you came into my house. Last night would have been horrible if you weren’t with me, and I repaid you by being an asshole. I’m sorry.”
I turned my head until our lips were almost touching. “It’s okay, Alex. I’m not mad.” Sitting this close with his hand on my thigh, it was impossible for my body not to react. I wanted him. My cock wanted him and grew accordingly.
“I was embarrassed.” Though no one was close enough to eavesdrop on our conversation, he spoke low as though he didn’t want the universe to overhear. “Our lives, our worlds are so different, Ryder. You have so much, and I’m a mess. I have noth—”
I kissed him. Not the wild, hungry kind of kiss I’d have taken were we alone, but a soft press of my lips to his meant to stop him from disparaging himself. “I don’t want things from you, Alex. I just want you. Things I can get. I’ve always had things. But I haven’t had you, and that’s what I want. Just you. Okay?” Maybe I was already getting better at this sharing-my-feelings thing.
“Ryder…”
We kissed again. And once more.
“Yes, my family has money,” I said when we broke apart. “We have stuff. That doesn’t mean we’re not a fucking disaster in other ways. I know the things I harassed you about in the past make it seem like I look down on you and your family, but I don’t. Alex, I respect the hell out of you for all you do for your family. You carry so much on your shoulders, and while they are big, strong, and very sexy, they must be getting tired.”
“I have a lot of responsibilities. If I don’t work, we don’t eat. My mom has medical bills, equipment, and tons of doctors’ appointments. My brother…” He shrugged. “Well, you met him. They take up so much time. I might have to cancel plans on a moment’s notice or miss out on them altogether. What happens when you get tired of my obligations?”
The vulnerability in his voice was like a knife to my heart. “Is that what happened with your father?”
“Yeah. He fucked off exactly one week after my mom was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. I was ten, sitting at the breakfast table. She’d fallen the previous day because of weakness in her leg. I couldn’t get her up by myself, so I called him to come home from work. He came, but the next day, while I was eating breakfast, he came out of his room with a bag over his shoulder. He told me he’d signed up to be a husband, not a nurse. Then he ruffled my hair and walked out the door. Haven’t seen him since.”
“Jesus.” How did his family survive so much devastation at once? I’d wondered why his mother used a wheelchair but didn’t know if I should ask. His opening up on his own felt incredible. I turned, as much as possible, wedged between the wall and Alex’s hard body. Our food and coffees were forgotten as we focused on each other. Now that we were deep in a serious conversation, I wish we’d stayed in my apartment. This way I could tackle him back into my bed and tell him how serious I am about us with true privacy.
“I can promise you I am not that man. And I know words are just… words. But I’m coming into this with my eyes wide open, Alex. Your family is important to you and requires a lot of your time and attention. But that’s what makes you, you. It’s what makes you honorable, trustworthy, and so damn special. I hope that we’ll grow closer, and I’ll become an important part of your life, which means I’ll share the load with you. Not today. I realize that will require a lot of trust on your part, but someday.”