Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 62782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 62782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 314(@200wpm)___ 251(@250wpm)___ 209(@300wpm)
As everyone discusses what Cy found today at the mountain, I take a moment to check my phone since it buzzed earlier. Sure enough, it’s Cash.
Cash: Fuck. I’m sorry, Rem. That was a dick thing to say.
Cash: I deserve the silent treatment.
Cash: Just really worried about Wyatt. Didn’t mean to take it out on you.
Cash: Let me know that I haven’t fucked things up between us.
I read through his last text wondering what exactly he thinks is going on between us before firing off a reply.
Me: Still friends. Any word from Wyatt?
It feels like a shitty thing to ask considering I know what Cy found. He’d only discovered clothes, wallet, and keys. No body. I don’t feel like it’ll help Cash and will worry him more, so I keep that information to myself.
Cash: Nothing, but the sheriff said he was on his way to talk about something. That’s bad, right? I’m so fucking scared.
Guilt twists inside me, turning my stomach and spoiling my appetite. I know what Cy found, and it looks terrible, but I still don’t want to be the one to tell him. At least when Jax shows up to deliver the shitty news, he can voice them. I can’t do that. All I can do is text, and that’s not how Cash deserves to hear it.
Me: Keep me posted. Wyatt’s strong and smart. I’m sure he’s okay.
Lies.
He’s probably dead. Or he might still be alive, like I once was, gasping for air and begging for someone to come save him.
I still remember the chill in my bones like it was yesterday. How the pain was nothing in comparison to the cold that seeped into me, stealing my life and sanity with each passing second. I’d been unable to speak or cry, but I begged nonetheless. Somehow, I was heard.
Cy came to me.
Scooped me up like a hero of the night, blanketing me with his scent and warmth and protection.
I’m such an ungrateful prick.
Escaping into the world has felt like something I wanted for so long, but I never fully appreciated what Cy did for me. He gave me a chance to live again. Gave me a home and family and safety. And love. After losing my family, I didn’t ever think I’d feel it again.
But here?
With my pack?
I do feel it. Through the bond. Through the jokes and teasing and small things they do for me. Through their smiles and hugs and concern that always drips from them.
They deserve more from me.
Not resistance and irritation and regret.
Certainly not hate.
As often as I’ve claimed I hated Cyrus Hames, it was always a lie I told myself to keep the anger simmering in my gut. Without the anger, I might forget what happened that fateful night. Allow myself to get sucked into a new, happy home where I didn’t have to worry about the creatures that lurked in the night because I’d always have unwavering protection between me and whatever is out there. Appreciation hums through the bond, startling a few gasps from the table. My gaze finds Cy’s, and pride shines in his blue eyes.
I listen, wondering if I’ll hear those words I use to hate so much. But I don’t. Instead, I hear ones that fill me up and heal battered parts of me.
Strong. Brave. Resilient.
The words he seems to bellow inside my head do something to me. Unlock parts that had rusty shackles on them. It’s freeing and gratifying. If there weren’t a room full of people, I’d climb over this table and right into his lap so I could feel those powerful words against my lips too.
Humming rings in my ears as blood rushes hot and furious to every part of my body. My skin tingles and my bones ache as though I’m coming alive. I grip my fork, trying to relax, but it proves to be fruitless. The metal bends, warping the shape of the fork, and I stare at it in confusion.
Strong. Brave. Resilient.
As though those words are injected into my system, I feel them and harness each one. Power buzzes through me. I crave to use it. Wield it like a weapon.
Images of my past assault me, choosing this moment of vulnerability with my walls down and heart open to flay me alive. Each memory of that thing slams into me without warning or apology. I flinch with each one, unable to shove it away. With the bond, I know they can all feel the pain surging through me at seeing my sister brutally raped and murdered. Watching it again with my mom. Going through it myself moments later, but not dying like I was meant to.
That thing left me alive.
To hold on to all this pain like it wanted me to suffer for as long as possible.
Violent rage consumes me, obliterating all happy thoughts that were filling my heart only moments ago. The anger—the thirst for vengeance—is such a feral need I can barely contain it. With all the self-control I can muster, I slam my mental walls in place, locking everyone out. Including Cy. His surprised yelp—almost pained—threatens to penetrate me, but I stay hardened to it.