Series: Cobalt Empire Series by Krista Ritchie
Total pages in book: 220
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 215301 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1077(@200wpm)___ 861(@250wpm)___ 718(@300wpm)
“Tom?” Phoenix rushes toward me, stepping into his boxer-briefs and lifting the elastic band to his waist. “Hey? Talk to me.”
“He’s…he’s gone. Ben is gone.” A hot silent tear rolls down my cheek. Phoenix sits beside me so quickly. He grips my jaw, staring into the deep pools of hurt in my eyes. I see it reflect in his.
My face crushes with this unbearable agony. I can’t…I can’t take it. I don’t want to bear it alone, but I don’t even know if I’m able to give it away.
“Tom,” he breathes.
I’m shaking my head at him, my eyes drifting all around me. Ben’s things. Our room. I’ve been his roommate. “I’ve…I’ve been a good roommate…haven’t I?” My voice cracks, and a sob rips out of me, jostling me with anguish. I pinch my wet eyes.
“Tom.” Phoenix’s voice fissures as I crumple into his chest. He holds me so tight against him, and my body rumbles in waves of grief and pain.
“I’ve watched him…” I intake sharp breaths. “I watched him win a championship. I made him laugh. He made me happy. I came back for him. I’ve stayed…I would’ve stayed longer. I would’ve stayed forever for him. I would’ve never left his side. I would never—” I bawl. I’m bawling into Phoenix’s chest.
“Shhh,” Phoenix consoles. “Try to breathe.”
It fucking hurts to.
Everything hurts.
Especially the realization that even my best might never be enough to defeat his mental illness. It’s all I want. To carve out all the things that hurt the person I love and grind them into dust. It’s not fair that I can’t.
“Eliot!” Phoenix calls out but doesn’t let go of me. I’m glad because I’d slump into the ground and disintegrate into the floorboards if it weren’t for his strong arm around my body.
Soon, all my brothers, minus Ben, crowd into my room.
I lift my heavy head off Phoenix and inhale a strained breath, staring up at Eliot like I’ve been stabbed. The only reason I’m not bleeding out is my boyfriend.
Eliot takes a knee in front of me. His deep blue eyes hold unbending purpose as he grips the back of my skull. I would grip his too if my arms didn’t feel like dead weight.
“Eliot,” I choke out.
“We’ll find him, brother,” Eliot decrees. “Don’t doubt we won’t.”
I am doubting. “I found his phone.” My eyes fill with hot tears again. “He’s gone, dude,” I croak.
“Where is it?” Charlie asks, and I swallow a lump in my throat and hand him Ben’s phone.
Eliot rises and inspects the phone too. Charlie taps the screen, then tells Beckett, “It’s dead.”
I nod a few times, glancing from Eliot up to Beckett. “Maybe Eliot would’ve been a better roommate—”
“No,” Beckett interjects calmly. “No, Tom.” Now Beckett is crouching down to be eyelevel. “You have to accept something.”
“I accept,” I say instantly.
Beckett smiles—no, actually, he’s sharing a subtle smile with Phoenix. It is a true miracle how Phoenix ingratiated himself with my two oldest brothers. Stuff of Cobalt Empire myth.
It calms me.
Our lore. Being engraved as we live and breathe. I just want Ben to be a part of it always.
Then Beckett tells me, “You will never be the reason our little brother leaves. None of us will be the reason. If, one day, something were to happen to him, it will be his OCD.”
I nod to myself, letting this fully sink in. “I was the best roommate, best brother.”
“You still are,” Eliot says firmly.
I still am.
I blink and more hot tears fall. “I will always be the best brother to all of you,” I say, trying to steady my quaking voice, “because I don’t know how to give you all halfway. I don’t even want to.” I nod more, stronger. “And I’m starting to realize…I can’t control the outcome—I never could. But I can still show up because I love him, and that’s what brothers do.”
“Oui,” Beckett professes deeply. “It is what we do.” His eyes are knowing, understanding—love and power. “Ensemble.” Together.
“Ensemble,” I nod, breathing in all of their strength.
As Beckett stands up, my face starts twisting in confusion. I ask, “How are none of you torn up over this? Why the hell am I the only one on the floor?”
“I’m on the floor too,” Phoenix points out.
“Because you’re my boyfriend. You’re obligated to sit on the ground with me.” I sniff hard.
His lips twitch. “It’s definitely a choice.” And he’s not leaving my side. It warms me. He wipes my wet jaw with the heel of his palm. I’m about to tell him to leave my tears. They might grow a garden on Ben’s floor for when he returns. We don’t know how magical I am.
I could be a garden nymph.
Charlie seems aggravated.
Eliot has a look of concern aimed at me.
Beckett is turning more toward Charlie, so I address my oldest brother. “You all know something I don’t?” I ask him. “You have a game plan to find Ben? I’d like to be looped in, thank you.” I’m pissed. Why are they withholding this intel?