Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 425(@200wpm)___ 340(@250wpm)___ 283(@300wpm)
The hope was for us.
Hope for our future.
Hope wasn't something a Russian mafia enforcer like me ever allowed myself.
It was a luxury I refused to afford.
Hope was a fleeting thing.
It was addictive, and I wasn't sure I'd survive the withdrawal.
CHAPTER 27
ALINA
"Everything is ready, and we are almost good to go. Alina, are you ready?" Samara's smile was bright and happy and everything I wished I was feeling.
This was not supposed to be how I felt on my wedding day.
It wasn't supposed to be happening like this.
"I–" I opened my suddenly parched mouth and tried to say something, anything.
The words wouldn't come.
Yelena peeked out of the wooden door into the sanctuary of the church.
I could hear people laughing, talking in a mix of English and Russian, but it all morphed together. It seemed to get louder and louder the longer she held the door open.
I was hidden away with Samara, Yelena, and my soon-to-be sisters-in-law in a side room where all the brides took a moment to gather themselves before walking down the aisle and pledging their life to the man they loved more than anything.
That was not why I was here.
I was here to pledge my life to a man that I didn't love, who didn't love me.
A man that I barely knew and who was holding me captive.
The same man who had come back to our hotel room last night with a long gash in his side that I had to stitch up before we sat in silence and ate, both of us thinking about the commitment we were to make today.
No, I pushed those thoughts away.
I had to do this.
This wasn't a choice.
My grandmother's life depended on it.
Pavel wasn't all bad.
Maybe if I could focus on the positive, I could calm down enough to take a full breath and get through this in one piece.
Just one full breath and I could compose myself and act like the bride everyone expected.
All I had to do was think of the good things Pavel had done.
He put my grandmother in a state-of-the-art facility that couldn't have been cheap. She adored it there and adored Pavel. He also used her life to keep me behaving.
He took care of my father's debt, but he also killed my father.
I wasn't sure if that went in the positive or negative column.
The sex was—nope. I couldn't go there.
The penthouse he kept me prisoner in was a lovely cage.
My chest squeezed harder.
This wasn't working.
" I–" I tried to say something again, but I couldn't take a full breath.
The small room felt suffocating, the scent of old wood and candle wax mixing with my panic. The wooden walls of the room felt like they were getting closer and closer, and it was getting harder and harder to breathe.
I couldn't do this.
My lungs fought for air that seemed too thin, too sparse. I wasn't getting the oxygen I needed, anyway.
My hands were clenched by my sides to keep them from ripping at the delicate lace over my chest and around my throat. The pearls that one of the girls handed me—a wedding gift from Pavel—felt like a noose.
The girls saw something was wrong, and they hovered nearby trying to soothe me, rubbing my back and my arms, cooing sweet words, telling me it was natural to be nervous.
Everything was going to be fine. I was marrying a good man.
That last one almost made me laugh, and it just made everything worse.
Despite their gentle touches and soothing words, the panic only intensified.
"Just breathe," Nadia said, like it was the simplest thing in the world. "Breathe in, hold it for a few seconds and then breathe out."
I tried to mimic what she was doing, but I just couldn't.
Marina, looking a little frightened, bolted from the room and a moment later she came back with Pavel in tow.
He had been waiting with his guests, taking their congratulations and well wishes while waiting for the lavish ceremony to start.
Why was he doing this?
Why not just drag me to a courthouse?
I just didn't understand.
Why did he have to pretend this was real, that we were in love and ready to ride off into the sunset together?
What did he gain from this?
Was it just another way to show me I had no choices?
Lying to a judge and signing a piece of paper was one thing, but I didn't think I could put on this performance in front of so many people.
How was I supposed to lie to God?
I couldn't do this.
The walls moved in faster, pressing into me.
An icy chill ran up my back, tightening around my throat as my entire body erupted in a cold sweat.
Pavel took one look at the dress and growled. "Everybody out. Now."
The women left without saying a word.
With fewer people surrounding me it should have been easier to breathe, but instead Pavel's large body and commanding presence sucked in all the air.