Total pages in book: 86
Estimated words: 83244 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 416(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83244 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 416(@200wpm)___ 333(@250wpm)___ 277(@300wpm)
“You know I do.”
The answer came without hesitation. I did care. I’d cared about him from the start. He looked up at me, searching my face, and some tension left his shoulders. Then he asked the question I wasn’t prepared for.
“Do you still love him?”
The air left my lungs.
“Do we have to do this right now?”
“It’s just a simple question between friends.”
“It doesn’t feel that way.” I looked over at Anslee, hoping a glimpse of her might ground me. She was smashing what was left of her Cheerios and looked quite proud of herself. Despite the hard look Ryan was giving me, I smiled and said, “Careful there. You’ll make a mess.”
“I’m just asking a simple question.”
I picked up a washcloth and gently wiped cereal from Anslee’s chin, then lifted her into my arms. “I still care about him, Ryan. I always have.”
Ryan stepped in front of me, blocking my way as he pushed, “Even after what he did.”
“It’s complicated.” I rested my forehead against Anslee’s for just a second before finally looking at him and saying, “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.”
“I’ve always been honest with you.”
Ryan looked like I’d just stabbed him in the heart, but he didn’t say anything. He just gave me a simple nod, like he expected my answer, then stared at the wall. Eventually, he looked back over to me and asked, “Do you still want me to be a part of your life?”
“I can’t believe you asked that.”
I couldn’t imagine a question that could hurt more. Ryan had always meant the world to me. He’d stepped up in ways no one else did, and he’d done it without question. He was such a great friend, but in my eyes, that was all he’d ever been.
A friend.
Regardless, he was right. He did deserve an answer. He deserved certainty.
“Of course, I do.” I couldn’t look at him as I said, “But not in the way you want me to be. I never have.”
He let out a breath. It wasn’t dramatic, but it was enough to let me know I’d hurt him. And I hated myself for it. I held Anslee a little tighter than usual as I grabbed her diaper bag and the rest of my things. Ryan followed me to the front door and muttered, “Can we at least talk about all this?”
“Yes, but right now, I’ve really got to go. I have a meeting and…”
“Just tell me one thing,” he interrupted.
“Ryan…”
“Have I ever stood a chance?”
The question hung between us like a wall of hurt and regret. All I had to do was say yes. It was one simple word. One tiny little lie. It would’ve put an end to this conversation for good, but I stood there, silently staring at the doorknob while tears filled my eyes.
“Brooke,” he pushed again.
“I can’t do this right now.” I turned, and his eyes searched mine one last time, looking for hope that I couldn’t give me. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Without another word, I opened the door and carried Anslee to the SUV.
I opened the back door and tossed our things inside, then buckled her into her car seat. I kissed her once more, then rushed around to the other side of the vehicle. I climbed in and quickly started the engine.
As I backed out, I spotted Ryan standing at the door, watching me pull out of the driveway. He was hoping I would look back. I couldn’t. I wasn’t sure which one of us it would hurt more if I did, so I eased onto the main road and drove toward Anslee’s daycare. Drop-off went by in a blur.
Anslee seemed completely unaware that I was struggling as I kissed her goodbye and handed her bag off. I got back in the SUV and tried to shake the heavy feeling that was wearing me down.
I turned on the radio, hoping it would distract me, but I only drove a couple of blocks before I had to turn it off. I couldn’t stand the noise. Every song seemed too cheerful for the knot sitting in the middle of my chest.
By the time I pulled into the agency parking lot, I’d managed to convince myself that work would be a welcome distraction. It usually was. My personal struggles didn’t begin to compare to what I saw in that office, and I had a feeling today would be no different.
As soon as I’d parked, I grabbed my purse and hurried inside.
The familiar scent of copier toner and stale coffee greeted me the moment I stepped through the doors. I smiled at the receptionist as I scanned my badge and headed toward my office.
I’d just rounded the corner when I spotted Dr. Mayfield, Dylan’s counselor, standing next to my cubicle. The second he spotted me, he stood up straight and said, “There you are.”