Total pages in book: 110
Estimated words: 104185 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104185 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 521(@200wpm)___ 417(@250wpm)___ 347(@300wpm)
“I didn’t want to.” Could she hear how true my statement was?
It didn’t seem to matter. Her expression hardened. “Why, after every word you’ve taken back, should I believe anything you say now?”
All my life, I struggled with my feelings, and the knee-jerk response fired out of me before I thought better of it. “Believe whatever you want, but that’s a fact.”
It was unlikely I’d have been able to stay on that track anyway. Letting her out of my sight meant letting go of control, and I needed to be in charge. It had been a terrible idea anyway because how could I trust her life with anyone else?
I took a breath and lowered the temperature of my voice. “I’m sorry you got upset.”
“That’s not an apology, but I’ll be fine. Can we go?” It was like sitting in the unmoving car was making her claustrophobic. I nodded, started the engine, and put the car in gear.
The first stop was the nearest drugstore for restrooms, food, and painkillers for my back. I also bought a cheap, prepaid phone for the call I’d make in three days to Bill.
Or sooner, if something went wrong.
She said nothing as I made the purchase, lingering at my side like a reluctant shadow.
Once we were back in the car and on the road heading north, her quiet voice broke through the tense silence. “Where are we going?”
“My brother owns a place. We’ll lay low there.”
“How far is it?”
“Four or five hours, depending on traffic. We’ll need to take back roads.”
She turned to stare out the passenger window, and even though I couldn’t see her expression, I sensed the thought grumbling through her head.
Great.
I didn’t blame her for it, either. Being trapped in this car with an asshole like me might be torture. I found it torturous, too—but only because I wanted her so badly and there was no relief in sight. My mind should have been focused elsewhere, yet all I could think about was how I was going to undo what I’d done.
How to get us back to where we’d been.
We rode in silence for a long time, and I spent all of it running through ideas in my head, but the right words escaped me. How was I going to un-fuck this?
Without warning, she sighed, and it was so loud and frustrated, I tapped the brakes.
“What?” I went on alert and glanced at the other lane but didn’t see anything to explain her reaction. “What’s wrong?”
Out of my peripheral, I saw her fold her arms over her chest and slump in her seat. “Nothing.”
My tone was pointed. “Laurel.”
“It’s not even nine o’clock.”
I blinked. “What does that mean?”
“It means I lasted less than an hour.” She sounded irritated. “I’m supposed to be mad at you, but I’m weak.”
My pulse jumped at her meaning. “Weak is not a word I’d used to describe you.”
“I’ve been sitting here this whole time, trying to convince myself to stay mad, but the truth is,” she took a breath, “I don’t care that much about why you got on the helicopter. Only that you did.”
The tightness in my chest began to ease. “I was trying to do what I thought was the safest thing for you. The fastest way for us to . . .”
I wasn’t sure how to finish that sentence, but I didn’t need to.
“I know,” she said.
I gripped the steering wheel to keep my hands from drifting elsewhere, which was a foreign feeling. I wasn’t normally big on touching or holding hands, but with her? Everything was different.
She shifted in her seat, angling her shoulders toward me. “You made me a promise, but I was too angry at the time to really hear it. You said you’d find me when it was over.”
“Yes.”
“But you’ve said things to me before that weren’t true.”
“I know I have, and I’m sorry. But that? It was the fucking truth.”
She considered that for a long moment. “Why?”
“Because whatever this is between us?” The honesty spilled from me. “Shit, I’ve never felt anything like it, and I don’t want to lose that. Even when it . . .” I was admitting it to myself as much as to her. “It, I don’t know, scares me.”
“Yeah. It scares me, too.” Her fingers played with the edge of her seatbelt. Like she needed to occupy them to avoid reaching for me. “I don’t know what I’d do if the roles were reversed and I’d been asked to choose my career over you. That principal spot is all I’ve ever wanted.” She paused for a beat, and then her tone filled with resignation. “But we don’t know how much time we have, and I don’t want to waste it being mad at you. That’s why I’ve spent the last hour rationalizing a way to kiss you again.”