Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
This man who does terrible things is nice to me and protecting me. It’s hard to make sense of those two conflicting things.
So mostly, I try not to think about it at all, try not to let myself acknowledge that when Cillian slips out of the room, he’s often going to sell drugs, that he has a lot of secrets, hushed phone calls, which I know are about illegal things, and that if I let him, he would literally murder the men who hurt me.
And that’s the biggest thing I try not to remember at all—that I have been hurt, that they beat me and reveled in it. That I could have died, and they could be coming back for more.
Sometimes I’m able to fool myself into forgetting it happened, but others I’m scared…and I don’t want to be scared. I don’t want to let them win. I want to go on living my life.
Which is hard to reconcile with the fact that tonight is the last night Cillian will be staying with me, and I don’t want him to go. I’m not ready to be alone, and that makes me feel weak.
A loud bang right next to me has me jumping out of my seat in class. My heart nearly breaks through my chest, beating much faster than would be considered healthy. I whip my head toward the noise, just as a woman bends over to pick up a book that fell off her desk.
Relax. They have no reason to hurt you again. You don’t know who they are.
Then why did they take my IDs?
As I do my best to pay attention the rest of my lecture, I get a welcome distraction when Dean texts to check on me. Which…is weird too. I’ve gotten a message from Dean every day this past week, making sure I’m okay. He’s really trying, and it’s sweet but also scary. Does he think someone is going to kill me?
When my professor releases us, I put my things into my bag, then head out. It’s my last class of the day.
I squint against the bright sun when I leave the building—and see Rory sitting on the steps, his red hair glinting in the light. My gaze shoots around for Cillian, who’s been walking me to and from each class as if someone is going to jump out of the bushes at any moment to kill me. He even went with me when I got a new student ID and driver’s license.
“Oh…hey,” I say to Rory, who looks up at me with a nod, then stands.
Don’t ask where Cillian is, don’t ask where Cillian is, don’t ask where Cillian is.
“Cillian had some shit to do,” Rory answers my silent question, at least to a degree. I don’t want to know exactly what Cillian is doing. Ignorance is bliss.
“I don’t need you guys to escort me between classes.” It’s confusing how I can be both annoyed and thankful…only it feels weird when it’s not Cillian. I’m already comfortable with him.
“I know. You’re our brave little bunny. But Cil wants someone with you, and when one of us needs something, the others make sure it happens. It’s who we are.”
That’s something I’m learning quickly about them. “I’m not Cillian’s responsibility.”
“He seems to think you are, and to me, that’s all that matters.” He offers me his vape. “Want a hit?”
“No. Those things are terrible for you, and we don’t even know all the side effects yet. You’re young enough, so if you quit now, maybe you won’t have any lasting issues.”
We take the stairs down together. “Aww, aren’t you fucking sweet. You care about me, Bunny?”
“Why is it both of you insist on calling me some kind of animal?”
“Wait, Cil has a different name for you? What is it?”
I shake my head, unwilling to answer that. Instead, I ask, “Don’t any of you ever have to go to class?”
“No. Benefit of who we are. You shouldn’t be here yet either. I’m surprised Cillian is letting you come before you’re completely healed.”
Those words stop me in my tracks, making my feet stick to the grass like glue. “Let me? Let me? Cillian isn’t my…anything. He doesn’t tell me what to do.”
“Yeah, okay, sure.”
“I’m serious! What the fuck, Rory!”
“Wow. I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you use that word. I’m good at pissing people off, though. It’s a talent.” He winks. “Your face looks better—the bruising, I mean. Though I think the bruises are kinda sexy.”
“Are you mentally well?” falls out of my mouth, and I immediately feel bad. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. It’s very ableist.”
We start walking again. “It’s okay. I accept your apology, Bunny, and to answer your question, no, I’m probably not. If it makes you feel better, Cillian is the most levelheaded of us. Your boy Dean, he flies off the handle at practically nothing. Tiernan is the cockiest motherfucker alive, and while he’s good at being in control, his love of power makes him dangerous. Cil, though…he’s a little more put together.”