Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94092 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 470(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
I glance at Amelia, a spark of an idea hitting me. “How about ice cream?” My voice is light, but my heart is full of happiness. “Let’s go to the town center, to Parsons night market, and get some ice cream.”
Jason’s eyes immediately light up, and he bounces to his feet. “Yes! Yes! Let’s get ice cream. Can I get chocolate with lots and lots of nuts on it?”
I laugh. “Tonight, you can have anything you want.”
Amelia stands and brushes crumbs from her jeans. “Sounds perfect,” she says with a smile. Her voice is warm, but there’s a flicker in her eyes, a shadow, a sadness. And I know exactly what that is about. Soon, this will all end for us.
We clean up properly then, taking the dishes down to the kitchen, and then we take a few minutes to get ready before heading out in the SUV.
The town center is alive with noise and activity when we arrive. Jason skips ahead, humming a tune, his sneakers flashing lights, his favorite stuffed dog tucked under his arm.
The crowd is full of families, couples, and kids darting through arcade games and food stalls. Jason’s joy is electric, his laughter loud as he jumps, pointing at a balloon vendor. I’m stunned, watching him, my shy, quiet son transformed, bubbling with life.
“Want a balloon?”
“Yup. I do.”
I buy him a large dog balloon, and we carry on walking towards the ice cream vendor.
Amelia walks beside me, her arm brushing mine, her floral sundress swaying, and I’m struck again by how she does this—brings color, life, to everything.
“It’s lovely to see him so happy,” Amelia notes as we watch Jason dart to the ice cream stand. His voice is excited as he orders chocolate with sprinkles and loads of nuts. “So bubbly and talkative. I’ve never seen him like this.”
I nod, observing the same as I watch him laugh with the vendor. His face is so animated and happy.
“I agree,” I say reflectively. “He’s always been quiet, timid. Maybe Sara is stricter with him, you know? As his mom, she’s got rules and a structure that he has to follow.”
My words hang between us. It’s a truth I haven’t voiced before but now that I have said it, I realize how blind I have been. I glance at Amelia, her eyes thoughtful. I left it all to Sara, and she decided what was best for Jason.
“Maybe,” Amelia murmurs, her hand brushing mine.
It’s a fleeting touch that sparks immense regret in me.
“He’s happy with us,” she says. Her tone is gentle, but there is a truth that hits hard. Jason is happy because he is with us. I nod in agreement.
We all get our ice cream—mint chip for me, pistachio for Amelia—and then we sit on a bench to enjoy it. The night is warm, the crowd a lively hum around us. Jason licks his cone, sprinkles falling, and I make a big promise.
I won’t be an absent dad anymore. Never again.
Chapter
Thirty-Seven
AMELIA
The town center buzzes around us, a vibrant pulse in summer evening light. I love the scent of fried dough and caramel corn that perfumes the air. Jason skips ahead, while Max walks beside me. It’s so sweet how he ensures his shoulder brushes mine, his presence a warm anchor in the lively crowd.
I watch Jason with his stuffed toy and a balloon, and that desire fills me up again. Before Max and Jason, I’d never really thought about it, but now, all I can think about is being a mom. I want to carry Max’s child, to hold a piece of him forever—a baby with his blue eyes, and his fierce heart.
Would I be a good mom?
Sara’s strict and structured, and I imagine that it is her rules that are shaping Jason into a quiet boy at home. Maybe it is not necessarily a bad thing, but I do know that with me, he’s different—bubbly and free. I know which version of him I definitely prefer. His joy is like a light that fills me, but is this what is best for him? Maybe her strictness makes her a great mom and he’ll grow up to be a responsible, serious citizen, and I’m too soft, too unstructured to produce a good citizen. Yet seeing Jason so happy, so alive, makes me believe I could do it, could find the right balance and love a child the way I love him.
“Hey, Daddy!” Jason’s high and excited voice cuts through my thoughts. He bounds over. “Shall we get hot dogs?”
“Why not?” Max says indulgently, and we head to the hot dog stand.
Jason gets one, but I refuse. I’m still full of Peking duck and hoisin sauce rolls and chicken Chow Mein.
I watch Jason clutching his hot dog in his hand. He is about to take a bite when he stops and looks at me. “Do you want a bite?” He holds it out, his kind gray eyes enormous.