Total pages in book: 57
Estimated words: 53462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 53462 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 267(@200wpm)___ 214(@250wpm)___ 178(@300wpm)
“Sleep well?” he asks, stepping inside.
I nod. “I guess the fresh air really hit me hard.”
He settles on the edge of the mattress, leaning an arm near my hip and taking my hand in his.
His palms are warm as his fingers wrap around my hand. How do I feel such a simple touch throughout my entire body like I touched a live wire?
“I’d like to know what changed,” he says, his eyes locking onto mine, not letting me escape his probing gaze and the questions he has. “You froze up during that phone call and rushed to sleep… not in the bed we shared last night.”
I sigh, having anticipated his directness. Austin is a straight shooter. “It’s just… I was reminded of my place,” I say, choosing the simplest explanation.
“Your place.” His brow furrows. “I definitely don’t understand.” And he still holds my hand tightly in his.
I swallow hard and curl my legs beneath me. I gather my courage before speaking. “If I’m going to continue to be Bailey’s nanny, I can’t also be sleeping with you on the one hand and a secret we need to hide from everyone on the other.” I can’t emotionally handle it.
Sex with him taught me I’m not equipped for a casual fling. I never meant to send him mixed signals, leading him to believe an affair is okay with me when it isn’t. There is no way I could have anticipated the total way he took over my mind, my thoughts, and my heart after I got involved with him.
“It was amazing, Austin, but we can’t have an affair and expect life to go on as normal. We both want different things for our futures. It’s best to admit we got it out of our systems and go forward the way we began. As employer and employee.”
He stays silent, and I can’t read him.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I thought I could do casual, but apparently it’s not in my DNA.”
Not that I really know what is in my DNA. I barely remember my parents, but sex for the sake of sex apparently isn’t part of my genetic makeup.
He stares at me for a good, long while, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think I hurt his feelings. But he can’t be hurt. That would mean our time together means something special to him and that would leave me thinking he wants more. Thoughts I can’t afford to have. Besides, if he is hurt, if he wants more, he’ll tell me and not let me end things.
“I have to respect your wishes,” he finally says, letting my hand slip out of his.
I feel the loss, an icy grip taking hold of my heart. “I appreciate that.”
He studies me, a frown on his face. “Just so you know… it’s not out of my system,” he mutters. “You’re not out of my system.”
He isn’t out of mine, either, but it is better to pretend that he is. No way will I admit to him that my biggest fear was getting attached to him—and I did. And of falling hard for him—and I did that, too.
* * *
Austin
The next morning, the car ride home passes in uncomfortable silence. I know I should behave better, but I am pissed. Pissed our weekend blew up in my face and pissed that I understand why and can’t change it.
I can promise her exclusivity while we are together, but I can’t offer her a future, and if she can’t handle that, then she is right. Ending things now is the right thing to do. And I’ll fucking have to get over it so I can treat her like my daughter’s nanny and not the woman I had in my bed. The one I want to keep there. But no matter how deeply I care for her, and I have no doubt that I do, I can’t bring myself to think beyond a casual affair.
I have a bad history with my ex. Hell, I have a shitty present, and I need to work on making that issue go away for good. And then I have to focus on raising my daughter. Marriage, family, more kids… are not in my future. And that’s what Mia wants. It’s what she deserves after growing up without those ties and being alone for the better part of her life. I can’t give her that. I am finished with serious commitment other than my child.
It will help if I can bring Bailey home sooner as a buffer between us… and isn’t that a crappy way to think. Bailey is staying at her grandparents’ until both threats—her mother and Mia’s former employer—are neutralized.
Despite the long trip home, I decide to drop off the bags and head straight to my parents’ to see Bailey. Mia agrees with the idea, and we make the hour-long trip. True to my mother’s prediction, Bailey is already feeling better and bounces around us the entire time we are there, chatting and making us laugh with her crazy stories and antics.