Total pages in book: 93
Estimated words: 87068 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 87068 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 435(@200wpm)___ 348(@250wpm)___ 290(@300wpm)
I pause. The words sit in the air, sulfurous.
“We started fucking when we were sixteen. Fell in love, if you want to call it that. It was a secret, obviously, but it was real too, and in that way teenagers are, we thought we’d be together forever. Then we went to different colleges, and I lost my mind a little bit. Slept around, drank a lot, cheated on Aleatha. Even worse, I felt no remorse. When I saw her again that winter, I told her I didn’t love her anymore while sitting in my car in the driveway. It was fucking brutal. I didn’t want to talk, so I did it in about five minutes and then left without giving her a chance to respond.”
A long silence. Kayleigh doesn’t move. I can feel her watching my back, the air between us so dense it could break ribs.
“And then?”
I shrug, my voice suddenly tight in my throat.
“From what I heard, my stepsister fell apart. Dropped out of school, moved home, and then our parents divorced. I lost all contact with her after that. But randomly, I heard a couple years later that she killed herself. Locked herself in her car with the engine running and a pipe going straight from the exhaust into the front window. Nobody ever talks about it. Especially not my dad.”
I turn around. Kayleigh is standing by the table, eyes red but dry.
I say, “I went through hell and back when I heard. The guilt was killing me, and the way that it ended. I wish I could re-do our last conversation.”
“But you were just a teenager.”
I nod, heart heavy.
“I know. And I also know that it wasn’t just me that did it. Aleatha was sick for a long time in a way that we, as mentally healthy people, can’t imagine. But still, I never tell anyone, and neither does Henry. Because we know how it sounds.”
Kayleigh walks to me, slow, and puts her hands on my chest. Her fingers are cold, but her palms are steady.
“Trevor, you were a kid. You made a mistake. It’s not your fault.”
I shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. Because now I can’t stop thinking about what I’m doing to you. How easy it is to hurt you without even trying. How much you trust me, and how quickly I could destroy that. I don’t want to fuck this up, Kayleigh, because you mean too much to me. And you’re so young too, and so kind and sweet. You don’t deserve the kind of pain that Aleatha experienced.”
She lifts her chin, blue eyes glassy and bright.
“But I’m not her. I’m not broken, and I’m stronger than I look. I want this. I want you.”
I pull her in, hands sliding up her back, cradling the soft point of her neck. I kiss her hair, her forehead, then her mouth—slow and unhurried, the world telescoping down to nothing but the taste of her skin.
“I love you,” I say, voice wrecked and hoarse. “I don’t expect you to feel the same for me, and especially because you’re right. I haven’t honored you the way a girlfriend should be honored. I’ve kept you locked up, like I’m ashamed, even though I’m not. I’m just afraid of hurting you, Kayleigh, seeing what I’ve done in the past.”
She smiles, the tiniest flicker, and says, “Then let’s stop hiding.”
I nod. The broken glass is still on the floor, the wine stain creeping up the white wall. But we stand in the center of it, the city outside, her body pressed to mine, and it feels like the first true thing in years.
“We’ll figure it out,” she says, and I believe her.
“I love you,” I repeat hoarsely in her ear. “And it’s the truest thing I’ve said in years. I adore you, Kayleigh, and I never want you to feel bad because of me. I’ll change. I’ll help you find a job, find new hobbies—”
She cuts me off, blue eyes soft as she strokes the hard planes of my face.
“I love you too, Trevor, and I don’t need a job. Taking care of you is the only job I’ve ever wanted, and I realize you’re torn. Haunted, even, by what happened to your former stepsister. But I’m not her, and she’s not me. I’m okay. I’m here, alive, and I want to be with you, no matter what. We’ll go slow, okay? We’ll see what happens because I adore you, Trevor Cahill, and I always have.”
With those words, I begin to cry. I don’t even realize what’s happening at first, until I taste the moisture on my lips. But Kayleigh sees it and kisses me softly, pulling out all the discomfort from my heart and banishing it with her gentle ways and feminine demeanor. Because it’s not just that Kayleigh feels safe with me. I feel safe with this woman, too, and that’s the way it should be.