Total pages in book: 167
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 157162 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 786(@200wpm)___ 629(@250wpm)___ 524(@300wpm)
“You don’t want children?” I didn’t hide the disbelief from my tone.
He shook his head. “Nope.”
I narrowed my gaze on him. “This is some kind of lie because you’ve deduced, correctly, that I don’t want them, and you’ve either decided to sacrifice that want to stay together or you’re sure you can make me change my mind, as society promises you can since women who don’t want children are merely confused about their role in life.”
Elliot crossed his leg over his knee, leaning back in his chair casually, but I saw his brows furrow. “You think I’d be that calculating and think so little of you?”
“I don’t think you consciously do.” I shrugged, even though the accusation and hurt in his tone hit me in the soft places he’d discovered, ones he’d created inside of me. “Internalized misogyny is a thing, living in there, camouflaged. Maybe you’re sure right now that you don’t want them, but you’re made to be someone’s Little League coach, to teach them how to fish, help with math homework.”
Even as I said it, I pictured a smiling Elliot in my mind doing all of those things like he was born to.
I looked him in the eyes, and it was one of the hardest things I’d ever done. “I won’t rob you of that.” I’d intended on sounding clear, resolved, but my voice was thin and raspy. “I won’t rob a child of that. And I won’t change my mind. I can’t. I ensured that with an irreversible medical procedure.”
I’d always known I didn’t want children, had been happy to rely on birth control. But after … the event, having control being taken from me in such a visceral way, I wanted to ensure there wasn’t even a sliver of a chance that I’d be forced to be a mother. That I’d never have to make a choice not to be one and feel guilt or regret.
I’d had to go to three different doctors, because apparently, a woman couldn’t get sterilized as easily as a man; she might change her mind.
It had infuriated me to no end, but once the procedure was done, I’d felt a weight off my shoulders. I’d never felt regret, emptiness or being broken somehow.
Yet staring into Elliot’s eyes, looking at an alternate future, one with him being the father of my children, I did feel a sliver of it. Even though I knew it wouldn’t work. A man, even one as close to being as close to perfect as possible, did not have the power to change me so completely. There was no future where I was the mother to his children. He needed to know that.
Elliot’s expression didn’t change at the knowledge that I was barren by choice, which shouldn’t have surprised me, yet it did. I couldn’t help but expect the worst of him. I was constantly on guard, waiting for him to be just like all other men. For him to reveal that the empathy and understanding he displayed was just a thin veneer to get me comfortable enough so he could strike.
“That means…” He shifted on the sofa to pin me down, hovering over me. “That we can practice as much as we want without any unintended consequences.” He pushed the robe from my chest, lowering his mouth to my nipple and sucking loudly.
My body vibrated with sensation, need and something much deeper. He was still attracted to me, still wanted me, even though he knew I was barren and would never bear his children.
His cock strained through his underwear, pressing against my exposed and already soaking core.
“You have nothing else to say about this?” I was already breathing heavily.
Elliot lifted his head from my nipple, eyes gluing to mine. He didn’t speak. Instead, he reached down to free his cock from his boxers, not giving me a moment to prepare, just thrusting into my pussy, filling me to the hilt.
I cried out in surprise and ecstasy.
“That,” he grunted, “is all I have to say about that.” His eyes never left mine as he plunged in and out in precise, harsh, exquisite strokes.
“In case it wasn’t clear, you are part of my future, Calliope Derrick.” He punctuated his point as he impaled me with his cock.
I saw stars, my orgasm rushing forward, silencing any protests I might have had to his point.
Yet deep down, I didn’t have any protests.
I wanted, more than anything, to be a part of his future.
But we didn’t always get what we wanted.
I’d have to settle for being a part of his present. And then, eventually, his past.
Twenty
Harvest Moon — Neil Young
TWO WEEKS LATER
“What the fuck?” A loud ringing had barged into my consciousness. It wasn’t my ringtone or alarm, sounds that my body was accustomed to.
It was a grating sound, one that instantly pissed me off. “Is there a tsunami coming?” I groaned as Elliot shifted his body in the direction of the jarring tone. “Because that’s the only answer I’ll accept for something so offensive at…” I scrambled for my own device, now free from Elliot’s embrace.