Total pages in book: 134
Estimated words: 132464 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132464 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 662(@200wpm)___ 530(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
For the first time, I’m seeing exactly why Josh once told me he hates telling people his life’s story. Everyone suddenly looks at me funny when I tell them, he said. Like they think I’m “laughing through the pain.”
And now I see exactly what Josh meant. Of course, I know my family members are looking at Josh with nothing but deep sympathy, but I’d shut the hell up over time, too, if people constantly looked at me the way my family’s looking at Josh right now.
“Well,” Mom says definitively. “I’m very sorry for your losses, Josh.”
“Thank you,” Josh says. “Like I said, it’s been a long time.”
“Please know you’re always welcome here. Any time.”
“Thank you,” Josh says. His cheeks are red.
There’s an awkward silence. Mom looks like she’s gonna cry.
Josh shifts in his chair and then, almost like a turtle burrowing himself into his shell, he takes a huge, conversation-ending bite of spaghetti. “This really is the best sauce I’ve ever had,” he mumbles between chews, filling the awkward silence.
Mom’s face is bursting with compassion. “I’m glad you like it—especially since it’s your turn for extras.”
We all exchange looks, nonverbally acknowledging our shock.
From the look on his face, it’s clear Josh doesn’t understand the gift Mom’s just bestowed upon him.
“Whenever Mom makes her spaghetti sauce or chili or lasagna,” I explain, “two or three of us get to take home a huge portion of leftovers to put in our freezer. We call it getting extras.”
“It’s always Keane plus someone else,” Ryan adds.
“It’s not always Keane and someone else,” Mom says defensively. “Sometimes, I don’t give extras to Keane.”
“Mom, it’s always Keane and someone else,” Dax says.
Mom looks to Colby for support, but Colby nods in solidarity with Dax.
“Well, Keane’s not here tonight, is he?” Mom sniffs. “So that means he doesn’t get extras this time.” She pauses, smirking. “If your penile brother would rather dance in his underwear for a bunch of screaming women at a bachelorette party than eat dinner with his dear mother, well, then, that’s his choice, isn’t it?”
Every single person at the table, including Mom and Dad, simultaneously lose their shit.
“You think I don’t know what Keane’s been up to?” Mom says, laughing hysterically.
But Colby, Ryan, Dax, and I can’t compose ourselves enough to reply to her. We’re like flopping fish on a riverbank, incapacitated by our laughter.
Mom shrugs and takes a long sip of her wine, her eyes full of pure evil. “Let this be a lesson to all of you kids: in the age of smartphones, don’t even try to get away with something devious—your mother will always find out.”
My brothers and I can’t stop screaming with laughter.
“Who ratted him out?” Ryan finally asks, clutching his stomach.
“One of my friends from Bunco. Her daughter Deanna went to a bachelorette party the other night, and apparently a certain male stripper showed up to entertain the ladies with some gyrating dance moves.” Mom rolls her eyes. “I must say the photo I’ve got of Keane dancing around in his underwear is definitely one for my memory book—I’m gonna put it right next to the one I have of Keane dancing around in his diapers.”
Everyone laughs again.
“Oh my God,” Dax says, holding his sides. “Best day ever.”
“So, anyway,” Mom continues, “the point is you guys gotta actually show up for dinner in order to get extras—it’s how I bribe you to come home occasionally. Which means Keane’s extras are now Josh’s.” She smiles sweetly at Josh and takes a long sip of her wine.
“Oh, no, I couldn’t take Keane’s extras,” Josh says politely, but even I can hear how much he’s hoping she’ll insist.
“I insist,” Mom says, right on cue, much to my joy and relief.
Josh’s thigh jiggles under my palm.
“I coddle Keaney way too much, anyway,” Mom continues. “It’s time for that boy to get off the teat.”
We all burst out laughing, yet again. Oh my God, when Mom gets a little tipsy, she’s truly hysterical.
Mom leans toward Josh, her eyes sparkling. “You’re in the line-up now, honey, whether you like it or not. Ask the other kids—when it comes to extras, what I say goes.”
“Yup,” Ryan says. “And not just about extras. Mom runs a tight ship all around. Don’t let that pretty face fool you—she’s a barracuda.” He winks at Mom.
Josh beams a huge smile at Mom. “I think I see where Kat gets her backbone.”
Dad and all three of my brothers simultaneously express agreement with that statement.
“Thank you very much,” Josh says. “I’m thrilled and honored to be in the extras line-up.”
“We’re thrilled to have you,” Mom says—and my heart skips a beat at the smile she flashes him.
Oh my God, this night is going better than I could have dreamed. I rub Josh’s thigh under the table and I swear I can feel an electric current buzzing just underneath the denim of his jeans.