Total pages in book: 160
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 164263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 821(@200wpm)___ 657(@250wpm)___ 548(@300wpm)
If only you were her.
ALORA
A huge wave of splashing water flies in the wake of the truck. “So.” Helene glances over her cocktail at me. “Do you miss Pascal?”
We sit at the window bench, watching the rain come down outside, it’s Wednesday and we’re drinking on a school night.
“Yeah.” I chew my lip as I go over the last two weeks. “Lately, these last few days, I’ve been wondering if I did the right thing.”
“You haven’t heard from him at all?”
“No, and—” I shake my head, “—I’m not expecting to anytime soon.”
“Hmm.” She’s listening and deep in thought. “But is it him you miss or just having someone? I mean is it him or the thought of him?”
“Honestly—” I shrug, “—I don’t even know anymore.”
“Have you heard from Edward?”
“Nope.”
“Hmm.” She narrows her eyes. “So you broke up with your boyfriend for another guy but then he hasn’t even called.”
“No.” I cut her off. “I broke up with my boyfriend because I realized that my feelings for him weren’t what they were supposed to be.”
“Because seeing Edward again made you realize that.”
“This sounds worse when I hear it out loud.” I let out a deep sigh. “God, Helene, why am I such a fuckup?”
“You’re not a fuckup.”
“He’s off and in love with his princess and hasn’t thought of me again once.”
“Hmm.” She sips her drink. “Which obviously sucks.”
“Obviously,” I agree. “I can’t deny, it does.”
“Anyway, who cares about men? Fuck them all, I say.”
I give a weak smile. “Yeah, sounds like a plan.”
“Wait a minute.” She frowns. “I thought we’re supposed to be talking about what we’re filming for socials tomorrow.”
“Isn’t that what we’re doing?” I giggle and sip my cocktail.
“Not quite.” We sit in silence for a while and the thought of going home alone tonight is depressing.
The truth is that I’m at a time in my life where I want it all. To be so in love that I can’t see straight, to be with someone who sets my heart and body on fire. Who loves me back just as hard.
Edward….
A fleeting vision of him flashes through my mind like a spell.
Not really there but holds the possibility of magic.
Unfortunately, I know that this spell hasn’t taken. It’s not coming true, just someone sent to test my ideals of reality. A glitch in my moral compass, he’s in love with another woman and I can’t pretend it doesn’t hurt that my feelings for him aren’t reciprocated.
“I thought we had something,” I murmur.
She nods as she listens. “I’m sorry.”
“Meh.” I shrug, resigned to my fate. “Fuck them all.”
“Yeah, can we actually start doing that?” She sips her drink. “Let’s go to a swingers party on Saturday night or something.”
I giggle. “Umm…. Let’s not.”
“Ugh, boring. Are we going home, then?”
“Yes.” We drag ourselves up and pay the bill, and arm in arm under an umbrella, toddle down the street to the taxi stand where a long line of cabs is waiting. “Thank you for always listening to my crap.” I pull her into a hug. “Love you.”
“Crap just happens to be my favorite subject.” She squeezes me. “Love you more.”
I climb into the back of the cab and wave as it pulls out onto the road. The thought of a cold bed waiting for me is depressing.
Home time…. Alone.
EDWARD
ONE WEEK LATER.
The office door opens. “Edward.”
I stand, walk in, and sit down.
Paul smiles as he looks me over from behind his desk. “You look well. I haven’t seen you for a long time.”
I nod as I clasp my hands together. I hate this fucking shit, remind me why I come here again?
“So.” He swings on his chair as his eyes hold mine. “I’m assuming something is going on.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Well.” He opens his notepad. “You requested an urgent appointment and flew to London especially to see me.” He adjusts his pen so he’s ready to write.
“I was already coming to London,” I lie.
“Okay.” He smiles. “Tell me, how are things progressing in your world?”
“Good.” I clench my hands together harder.
“Are you still with your girlfriend?”
I nod.
“You’ve been with her a while now.”
“Yes.”
“How long, exactly?”
I shrug. “Over twelve months.”
“How is she?”
“She’s perfect.”
“The way you say she’s perfect makes me think that you are not.”
I pick my fingernail to evade his gaze.
“How are things within your relationship?”
“Strained.”
“I see. Have you had a fight or an incident?”
“Nothing like that.” I sigh. “Actually, you are to blame for this problem.”
“Me?” He frowns. “How am I responsible for a problem of yours?”
“Well, you made me go to that stupid club in Switzerland way back.”
“Oh.” His eyes light up. “Yes, I remember. What about it?”
“I ran into her.”
“Ahh.” He swings on his chair as if fascinated. “If I remember correctly, you tried to find her after you returned from Switzerland.”
“Yes.” I roll my lips as uneasiness falls over me.