Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 114492 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 572(@200wpm)___ 458(@250wpm)___ 382(@300wpm)
She shakes her head. “Why won’t you just tell me what’s in your application? How bad can it really be? I’m clearly not Snow White—I’m sure I’ll understand. What’s the big deal at this point?”
I don’t reply.
“Is it S&M, Josh? Is that what you’re into? Because I wouldn’t care.”
“Just, please. Enough. Stop pushing for this. It’s gonna backfire. Trust me. It’s gonna backfire and we won’t be able to stuff that genie back into the bottle.”
“But if I give in now where would we go from there?” She wipes her eyes again. “I admit I’ve fucked this up. Okay? I’ve taken it too far, created a no-win situation—I admit that.” Her eyes water. “But it is what it is. And now I can’t figure out an endgame besides seeing it through to the bitter end. If I don’t insist on it now, then it’ll always be this big ‘thing’ between us. I’ll always wonder what the hell you’re hiding from me.”
I swallow hard. “It’s not that big a deal, okay? It’s really not. It’s just that I don’t talk about certain things,” I say softly. “I’m not always Happy Josh, okay? I’m not always what I seem. And you reading that application would force me to spill my guts to you in a way... I’m not willing to do.”
She twists her mouth. “I never spill my guts, either, Josh. I hate spilling my guts, believe me. But if I had an application, I’d give it to you,” she says softly. “I really would, Josh. I’d spill my guts to you, if the situation were reversed.”
“Easy for you to say. The situation’s not reversed.”
“But if it were, I’d tell you my secrets.” Her lip is trembling.
I can’t formulate a reply. She’s breaking my heart. I don’t understand what’s happening. I haven’t even kissed this goddamned girl and I feel like she’s got a stranglehold on my fucking heart.
I shake my head, at a loss. I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. She says if she gives in and quits the battle, she’d never trust me? But it works the same way on my end, doesn’t it? If I tuck my dick and balls between my legs and give her what she wants, if I act like a pussy-whipped little puss who can be manipulated into doing puppy tricks for her, where the fuck could we possibly go from there? We’d be doomed.
“I’m not gonna give it to you,” I say evenly. “If you wanna get with me, then get with me. If you don’t, then don’t. That application shouldn’t have anything to do with it, either way.”
Her eyes are unreadable to me. She sighs. “I think maybe we should just concentrate on saving the world for a bit, okay? Things have gotten out of control. That’s my fault, not yours. I’m sorry about that.” Her eyes suddenly flood with tears. “I think we should just take a break on battling to the death for a while—concentrate on saving the world.”
“Kat. Wait. Let me come in. Not to fuck you. Just to be with you. Just to sleep next to you.”
“Josh, we’re obviously two suicide bombers on opposing missions—both of us stubborn as hell. We’re not a good combination.” She opens her door. “Thanks for walking me to my room. I appreciate it.” She slips inside her room, and her voice travels through the gap in the door, just before it closes. “I’m sorry, Josh. Good night.”
Twenty-Six
Kat
“Well, to summarize,” Henn begins, “we’re dealing with some big shit here, fellas. Like, oh my fucking God.” He cracks a huge smile. “Totally awesome.”
We’re all gathered around the table in the early afternoon light of Jonas and Sarah’s suite to hear the latest on what Henn’s uncovered about The Club—much of it, apparently, after Josh and I left the suite last night around 3:00 a.m.
Josh slipped into our meeting after me, looking groggy and bleary-eyed, and took a seat at the table next to me, nodding curtly as he sat down, his face tight and his eyes unreadable.
“Just tell me—were you able to get into The Club’s system?” Jonas asks Henn.
“No, not yet. Wherever it is, it’s buried deep, deep, deep in the web, way deep. But I’m getting close. I’ve got lots of breadcrumbs to follow. I’m hot on their trail, fellas. And very pretty ladies.” He smiles at me and winks at Sarah.
“You should have seen how Henn figures things out,” I say, pointedly not looking at Josh to my left. “He’s a techno-Sherlock Holmes.”
“The man’s a fucking genius,” Josh adds. He puts his right arm across the back of my chair as he speaks, but I lean forward in my chair to avoid letting his arm cradle my back. Just one touch and I’ll melt. And I don’t feel like melting right now.