Total pages in book: 96
Estimated words: 91783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91783 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 459(@200wpm)___ 367(@250wpm)___ 306(@300wpm)
“I’d give what’s left,” he says, “the week of it, the days of it, to hear that boy call me one thing. Anything. I won’t. I know I won’t. I gave that up a long time ago, on purpose, same as everything else. I only wanted to say it out loud one time, somewhere it wouldn’t hurt anybody who didn’t have it coming. So. Thank you for letting an old man—”
“Sterling.”
It comes out of me before I know it’s coming, in a voice that isn’t the host’s and isn’t one I know, into the mic, out to every kitchen and truck and phone in the county. On the line my father makes a sound I have never once heard him make.
I know I’ve opened a door I didn’t intend to and I’m not sure I can shut it now.
TWENTY-TWO
Josie doesn’t make me talk about it. For two days she lets me be quiet. She hands me coffee. She asks if I ate. She doesn’t ask about my father, and I love her for that. We watch TV, I hold her while she reads, and she rubs my back when something triggers me and I’m close to losing it.
Paige is the same. She cut the feed after I said my father’s name, knowing that no one needed to see my visceral reaction to the silence that played out. He couldn’t even acknowledge that it was him on the other line or accept the fact that he’s not as subtle as he thinks.
The calls stopped after that one, thanks to Bex. She shut down, ended the show, and asked Paige to make sure I got home okay. Even Bex knew without knowing the full story knew I needed a break. Thankfully, she canceled the next two shows, said she’d air re-runs from our first week, and told me to take as much time as needed.
Paige did the best thing she knew how to do, she called her mom.
My wife . . . my Jojo . . . the woman I knew was worth more than any relationship with my father came running. We sat there in my studio, staring at nothing, with her arms wrapped around me. She never told me things would be okay. Deep down, I knew they wouldn’t.
This man . . . this father of mine . . . the last time I saw him he had accosted Peyton in the grocery store. He was mean, belligerent, and didn’t deserve my time then.
He still doesn’t.
Yet, he’s occupying my thoughts, and I don’t want him there.
My mother called the morning after. She heard the segment, the same as everyone else. She didn’t say much. What was there to say? I opened myself up to this by agreeing to the radio show. I knew the consequences going in.
Is the show worth the knife in my chest?
Today’s answer is yes. Bex and I, along with Paige, have built something fun, amazing, and I enjoy talking to people. Is my advice the best? Probably not but if you’re calling into a radio program to talk to a musician about whether or not you should take the trash out without your wife having to ask or make a chore chart, you need more help than what I can offer.
In the beginning, the answer would’ve been no. I would’ve never expected in a million years that my estranged father would reach out this way. Honestly, if anything, I would expect him to knock on my door or walk into Whimsicality and insult my wife.
Today I’m back at Ralph’s, the same as I’ve been most of the last two days. With Noah in charge, I’m the silent partner who wants to play bartender every now and again. Ralph’s has a more than capable staff though, so mostly I’m in the way, unless someone wants the day off.
I sit at the end of the bar, next to Mason’s chair. What sucks is, I can’t escape who I am here. I did that when I was eighteen, and what a relief it was to be out from under Sterling’s thumb. In Beaumont, everyone knows about my father, and how he treated me. He didn’t hold back if I had a bad game that still resulted in a win. If I didn’t play well I was the embarrassment.
And now everyone gets to relive the past with me.
What I hadn’t expected from all of this was Nick. I don’t know if it was Noah who called him or if Nick did this all on his own, but for the past two days, he’s been at Ralph’s when I’m there.
The first day he came in, I figured it was because Noah was behind the bar. The next day, I knew it was because of me. He’s trying to be the friend I need because he knows I would’ve turned to Mason, if things were different. It would make sense for me to turn to Harrison, but I can’t bother him with this stuff. And JD would give me some crass response because he has his own daddy issues.