Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Just yesterday, I’d come over to the house to see him crying in the kitchen window. He’d been waiting for me to show up.
It killed me.
Weekends were the worst, because I had to be around Nate more than I could handle. I showed up at a little before seven in the morning with bagels and resignation, and I changed into sweats and a tee in the bathroom under the stairs. Mikey and Lily would be up soon, and so would Nate.
I put on a fresh pot of coffee and tidied up in the kitchen. Not that there was much to tidy up. I just didn’t know what else to do. I hated this house nowadays. I hated the kitchen table. All the memories of fun mornings with the family had been tainted by the unraveling of my marriage, when Nate and I had sat there and he’d presented his “list of demands.”
Once the coffee was done, I poured a cup and wandered into the living room.
I took a slow sip and peered out on the patio.
Nate had shared his dream about having a house with a big backyard so many times that it’d become my fantasy too. Not this narrow duplex where everything was falling apart.
Okay, that was a stretch, but a lot still needed to get done before Nathan could sell.
It wasn’t long before I heard Nate coming down the stairs, and I glanced over toward the hallway and felt my eyebrows crawl up.
What the fresh fuck?
He tightened the drawstrings of his sweats, and all I saw were abs. I hadn’t seen those in well over ten years.
Jesus Christ.
“Good morning,” he said sleepily, disappearing into the kitchen.
Fucking kill me already. Like I wasn’t missing him enough as it was?
I hoped he’d slept like shit, ’cause that’s what I did every goddamn night.
It’d gotten so bad that I’d become the happy owner of a Xanax prescription.
Nate soon joined me, and he flicked on some lights along the way. He turned on the TV too, going straight for the cartoons Mikey and Lily liked.
“When the fuck did that happen?” I gestured at his torso.
“Huh?” He frowned and glanced down at himself. “Oh. I don’t know. I…needed a physical outlet, I suppose.”
He’d found it.
“Sexually frustrated or just pissed at your ex?”
He snorted. “Well, I’m not sexually frustrated. I’m pretty sure that part of me is dead.”
Good. That made two of us.
Well…
I could fuck him 365 days out of the year, but the thought of moving on with someone else made me wanna hurl.
Goddammit, he looked incredible.
Was this ever gonna get easier?
A few minutes later
Arlington
Nathan Riley
Micah running down the stairs was a blessing and a curse. I needed distance from Ash in a moment I was so close to blurting out how much I missed him.
“Good morning, Daddies! I’m up now!”
We looked over at the stairs, and it was impossible not to smile at his adorable bed head and goofy grin.
“Oh, I don’t know, sweetheart,” Ash said. “I haven’t gotten my hug yet, so how can I be sure you’re not sleepwalkin’?”
Micah laughed and ran over to him—and straight into his arms.
“Oof, there we go.” Ash picked him up as if he were five instead of eight. Then again, Micah was still the cuddler he’d been when we’d adopted him, a stage we hoped he didn’t leave for a while longer. “Yup, I think you’re awake.” Ash inched back so he could drop smooches all over Micah’s face. “How’s my teddy bear this mornin’? You sleep good?”
“Yeah—that tickles.” Our boy giggled and wanted down again. “What’s for breakfast? I’m hungry.”
“Daddy ran out and bought bagels for us.” I combed my fingers through his hair in a futile attempt to tame it.
“Yummy. I want four.”
Ash and I laughed. The boy didn’t even finish one.
“How about you go wake up your brother and sisters,” Ash suggested. “Daddy and I can set the table and prepare your four bagels.”
Micah didn’t waste a second. He sprinted up the stairs again.
I let out a breath and brought my coffee back to the kitchen, and Ash followed me. We had a packed schedule today, which I wasn’t sure was for the children’s sake or ours. We didn’t do well with stretches of silence anymore. They used to be comfortable; now they made me tense up.
While he brought the toaster to the table, I headed to the fridge for fixings. Butter, cream cheese, turkey…what else.
I stood there and stared.
Ash cleared his throat somewhere behind me. “Does it get easier?”
Fuck.
I couldn’t turn around and face him. “I don’t know yet.”
Every now and then, I wondered if we were postponing telling Micah and Lily because of their ages and anxiety, or because Ash and I were too chickenshit to put that last nail in the coffin. But then Micah’s anxiety was triggered somehow, and I felt comfortable in our decision again.