Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 82201 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 411(@200wpm)___ 329(@250wpm)___ 274(@300wpm)
“Hello, Ash, this is Tavia. I’m afraid Micah is struggling with his anxiety a great deal today. Is it possible for you to pick him up?”
Goddammit. “Yeah, of course. Tell him I’m on my way. I’ll be there in twenty-ish.” I cursed internally and ended the call, one Nate and I had received too many times to count. “I gotta go.”
Thirty-five was almost twenty-ish.
One day soon, Mikey would grow too big to sit on my lap in the driver’s seat, but today wasn’t that day.
I squeezed him tightly and kissed the top of his head.
He sniffled and shuddered as he recovered, and he refused to let me go.
“Another deep breath, sweetheart,” I murmured. “Just like Dr. Maria showed you.”
He nodded jerkily but couldn’t inhale through his nose; it was too stuffy, so I told him to breathe through his mouth instead.
In the meantime, I rubbed his chest and tummy, where most of his anxiety pains manifested.
It usually began with nervousness and a stomachache. If things progressed, the pain spread to his chest and shoulders. He’d speak of tingling and prickling until sharper pains took over, almost like a seizure.
We’d been assured several times that it wasn’t anything else, but it didn’t stop me from worrying.
“It’s better now, Daddy,” he croaked.
“That’s great.” I pressed my lips to his hair again. “Do you know what started the bad feelings today?”
He shrugged and sniffled. “I dunno. I didn’t like it when Ms. Tavia turned off the light. We were gonna watch a movie.”
That made sense. He hated the dark. I’d have to call his teacher about that. Honestly, I thought they already knew.
“And you and Daddy weren’t there,” he whimpered.
Jesus, he had my heart in a vise grip.
I held him a little tighter. “Daddy’s here now. Everything’s okay. You did good to tell Ms. Tavia you weren’t feeling well.”
He sniffled some more and nodded a little. “Am I going back to class?”
I checked my watch briefly. “I don’t think there’s any point at this hour.” But I had to text Nathan. “I reckon we’ll tell Daddy not to come pick you up, and then we’ll go grab a snack before we pick up Lily.”
He nodded again and wiped at his chubby cheeks. “Can we get donuts?”
I chuckled and brushed a stray tear from his jaw. “Remember what Dr. Maria said. No sugar on the bad days—it makes the anxiety worse.”
He made a face.
Mikey was the family sugar monkey, and it was something we had to keep an eye on. Other than baseball and riding on his bike, he didn’t care for exercise. Except for family outings, I reckoned. He did like our hikes, mostly so he could find critters and worms.
“I suggest we go get those chicken tenders you like,” I said. “We can share a pack while we wait to get your sister.”
“Not with the spicy sauce?”
“Obviously. The mild for you, the hot for Daddy.”
He finally cracked a grin. “You’re funny when you eat that. You say hoo, hoo, so hot, hoo, and then you eat lots of ice.”
Well, the place didn’t fucking sell milk. So I had to make do.
“And you laugh at me, you little shit.” I poked him in the side.
“Yeah,” he laughed. “S’funny.”
I grinned and gave him another hug. “You know what’s funny? How insanely much I love you.”
I dreaded the day he stopped being our little cuddler.
“I love you too—can we get chicken now?”
I snorted, figuring the moment was over. “All right, let’s get you strapped in.”
“Daddy, can I paint your nails today?” Lily asked from the back seat.
“Uh, sure thing,” I replied. “Pick a good color for me, all right?”
“The best!”
Mikey poked his head out from between the seats. “What’s for dinner?”
“Hey—seat belt, young sir,” I reminded him.
And he was hungry already? We’d had chicken an hour ago.
“But we’re on our street!”
“And some people still drive like assholes here.”
He sat back with a huff and put on his seat belt again.
“We’re making fish and mashed potatoes for dinner,” I added. “That’s why we stopped to get panko.”
He snickered. “Panko. That’s a funny word.”
I smiled faintly and pulled up our driveway. Then I furrowed my brow when I noticed the furniture in the front yard. The chair from our bedroom, the rug from the living room—what the fuck, Lily’s bed? A dresser, too. And black trash bags that were filled.
“What on earth is Daddy doing?” I asked no one.
Hadn’t he worked today?
“That’s my bed!” Lily exclaimed.
I killed the engine and climbed out of my truck, and Mikey was already darting inside.
Lily was hot on his tail once I’d opened the door for her, and I grabbed their backpacks.
I didn’t like coming over here anymore whatsoever, but we had to keep up appearances a while longer. Mikey’s anxiety attack today had served as a good reminder.
Despite that… Our situation was exhausting. I’d warned Nate that I was looking for a house, and once I’d bought one, I wanted a couple of months to get settled. After that, it was time to break the news to Lily and Mikey. We couldn’t postpone it any longer. I was so fucking done with the charade, and it never stopped being painful. If I wanted to have a shot at any kind of recovery, I needed distance from Nate.