Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
And since it's entirety within my control, I get to stay anonymous.
"Yes, we can say whatever we want," I say. "You don't have to share details, Jane. It's not about which finger you used, or where. It's about how it felt to put your hands on your skin."
"Weird," she said. "But then good. For a little while, it felt really good."
"Then what happened?"
"I started thinking about my mom. It totally threw me off."
That's what usually happens. Especially for women. Especially for high achieving women. We're so used to ignoring our bodies to get to the finish line. We have to train ourselves to live in them again. "And when you had that thought, how did you react to it?" I ask.
"Huh?"
I can see the question marks in her eyes. She doesn't understand the concept. Most people don't. It's a new way of thinking about sex.
"Did you judge yourself for getting distracted?" I ask.
The epiphany fills the space—even through the digital connection. "Huh, yeah, I guess so," she says.
"I want you to try again this week. At least two more times," I say. "You might get distracted by thoughts of your mom. Or by what you want for dinner. Or some TV show you're watching. That's okay. Let the thoughts come. Notice you're having them. And release them."
"Like… meditation?" she asks.
"Exactly."
"Meditative masturbation?" Doubt creeps into her voice.
It sounds weird, but it works. "It will feel awkward. That's okay. You don't have to like the experience. You only need to try it."
"But it's not about coming on my own," she says. "My boyfriend… he gets frustrated. And then I get frustrated. We're not connecting."
And there it is. Few people call because they're not satisfied with their solo sex. Most people want to improve things with a partner.
But if we don't know what we like when we're alone, we can't share that information with someone else.
"And that frustration," I say. "Does that make you feel sexy?"
"Of course not."
"So, when you think about being intimate with him, what do you feel?"
"Dread." She gasps, like she can't believe she admitted this deep, dark feeling. "Ohmygod, I can't believe I said that. He's a really sweet guy. I love him a lot."
"I'm glad," I say. "Sex is better with someone you like. But you need to do this solo first, before you take it to him."
"Okay."
I give her a specific assignment and go through my standard disclaimer. I'm a therapist, but I'm not her therapist. It's not my place to tell her to switch medications because of their libido killing effects or to tell her how to treat any medical conditions.
But I doubt this is a case of SSRI induced orgasmic dysfunction. Those women suffer from a different sort of longing. They remember the bliss they need. They just can't get there anymore.
This woman finds bliss sometimes. She just needs exactly the right circumstances.
Which means she needs to tune into her surroundings and into herself.
"And, then I'll be able to have great sex with my boyfriend?" she asks.
"That's how it starts," I say.
"Really? And I'll be like you? Free and totally uninhibited?"
Right. That's me. Doctor O, the freakiest Sex Therapist in all the land.
We go to the next call. Then the next. For three hours, we record calls. Tomorrow, we'll come back to edit the episodes, to shape the calls into the seventy-minute podcast we put out once a week.
Right now, Meredith and I celebrate another job well done with a post-show drink.
At least, that's what we're supposed to do.
But we can't today.
Because, today, we have a problem.
The email sitting there in our inbox. All matter of fact, from our number-one-advertiser.
Hey Sex and the OC,
We still love the show and love the vibes, but we need to reach a broader audience. We want to go on the journey with you, but we need to hit our targets or we need to go with a different podcast.
Sincerely,
Good Vibes Only
All good vibes from our top advertiser as they threaten to abandon ship.
There are other podcasts, with cheaper ads. Therapists who run this thing as a hobby. For us, this is a full-time gig.
The math is… tough. We’re still a million streams a month short. And we’re not increasing our numbers. Quite the contrary. Since we started repeating stories, we've been losing subscribers.
That's the other thing. We're running out of material.
Meredith took a vow of celibacy. Great for her personal and spiritual growth. Terrible for our business.
We're out of dirty stories. And I've completely failed every attempt to create my own.
We need some hot sex, now, or we're both out of work.
Chapter Two
Ivy
Orange County isn't exactly known for its nightlife. We've got a few dives in cities that used to be cool, like Huntington Beach. The rest is all strip malls and hotel lounges.
Since neither one of us wants to shell out fifteen-dollars for a so-so cocktail, we drink at the office, like proper grownups. Or at least like Mad Men characters.