Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 91536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91536 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 458(@200wpm)___ 366(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
"The honeymoon sex," Romeo adds.
But it strikes the wrong tone. His voice is fun and playful, but the words hit the air and they suggest something else.
Some lack.
Or maybe I'm projecting.
Again.
Daniel cuts through the tension in the air—or maybe it was never there—with a strong, confident voice. "I want that too."
"Where are you going on your honeymoon?" I ask.
"Paris," she says. "But we're waiting until Christmas." She doesn't say if that's for personal or practical reasons. Maybe she's always wanted to see Paris in Christmas. Or maybe they have to wait for work to lessen.
"Have you been before?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "Daniel hasn’t either. We've always wanted to… And it will be beautiful."
"Where did you go on your honeymoon?" Amara asks me. There's no judgment in her voice, but I hear the subtext anyway.
You failed at marriage once. Don't think about failing my son on round two.
"Hawaii," I say. "It was beautiful. A perfect place really."
She continues, "when was—"
Romeo interrupts. "I think it's my turn now, isn't it?" He motions to the table. "If we're doing clockwise."
Amara nods of course. She looks from Romeo to me, then back to her son. Proud of him for standing up for me, maybe.
I don't know anymore.
"No one knows better than the three of you—I've rarely thought of marriage. But I did notice what you and Dad were like." He smiles in a nostalgic way. "You showed me what it meant to love and trust someone. And now Daniel and Cynthia are doing the same. Not to spoil your wedding toast." He holds up a glass. "All of you are equals in your relationship. You love in different ways, but you love just the same. I want that. To find someone who sees the world the way I do. No. Not quite. Close enough I understand, but far enough they expand my world view. Someone who pushes me without ever pushing too hard. Who sees the best in me. Who sacrifices, but never more than they can give. Who is strong and unwilling to back down from what they want."
"What about where you live?" Amara asks. "Kids?"
"It's not that those things don't matter. They do," he says. "But as long as I see my family, I'm happy. I could be here, in your guest room, or in Rome with Grandma, or even in Jalisco with all our cousins. I could travel the world and spend a month at Christmas here. I don't need any one place to be home. I need a person who feels like home. Like a home we've built together."
Where did he get all that?
He continues, "someone who loves me without confining me. I see so many people who try to control their partner. I don't want that for either of us. I want us to grow together, even if it's in different directions, because we know we'll always work to come back together."
"Are you hinting you want an open relationship?" Daniel asks. It's playful, but it doesn't hit right either.
Because it means something deeper than that.
And I see that. I feel it.
That drive to grow, to never get in someone's way.
That's something I had once but lost along the way. Something I want back.
"I won't lie," he says. "I'm open to it. But it's not about sex with other people. It's about a mindset of creating enough room to explore the world, ourselves, our interests. Separately and together."
"Maybe just threesomes," Cynthia jokes.
Amara shakes her head. "You too?"
Cynthia shrugs. "Sorry. These guys bring it out of me."
The mood in the room lightens. Turns to teenage giggles. Threesomes are a silly subject, after all.
"What do you think, Ivy?" Cynthia asks. "Do you think he's talking about sex?"
"Sex isn't separate from a relationship," I say. "It's a part of it. Sure, we bring unique… issues to the table when it comes to sex, but I've never seen a couple who had a great relationship except for sex. It's always a problem elsewhere that shows up there. Or a… good thing, I guess. A desire to explore the world and explore your sexuality, maybe." I look to Romeo, and I try to make my voice as loving as possible, as if I'm lost in this vision of our future. "I've seen a lot of relationships over the years. They come in all varieties. Some that seem strange to me. But they work because two people work at it. Monogamy isn't the only way to show you trust someone. Isn't sharing a bank account just as intimate?"
Amara nods that is true. Then she catches herself nodding and shakes her head. "You kids today… I can't keep up."
Romeo chuckles. "Not everything is about sex."
"I like your idea of marriage," I say. "That's what I want too. Someone who wants to grow with me. Not another half, but another whole."