Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
“Yeah, as long as I don’t need help in, say, a month?”
He makes a face of pure annoyance.
“Seriously, thanks for the offer,” I say. “I appreciate it. It’s just a huge decision—definitely not one to make while high as a kite.” I pause, not remembering what I was just about to say. “This is only the fourth time I’ve smoked pot in my whole life. Did I tell you that? Last time was in college. I haven’t done this in florebblaaaaaaah.”
“Really? A party girl like you? I’m shocked.”
“Well, Sarah’s the one who named me ‘Party Girl with the Heart of Gold,’ don’t forget. Everything’s relative, I guess—compared to Sarah, I’m Keith Richards.”
He laughs.
“So do you smoke a lot, Playboy? You seem much more composed than I am right now—your tolerance must be pretty high.”
“Nah, these days hardly ever. I’ve just got too much shit to do to put my brain on mental lockdown for hours on end. Back in the day, though? Oh my God. I was baked my entire first year at UCLA. I’m shocked I didn’t get kicked out of school, I was such a fucking screw-up. I finally cleaned myself up that first summer, thank God—and then I had a bit of a wobble again right after graduation, before I’d figured out what the fuck to do with myself—but then I finally pulled myself together for good at twenty-four. That’s when Jonas suggested I open an L.A. office of Faraday & Sons. I followed his advice and it was exactly what I needed—it gave me some purpose in my life.”
“How did you pull yourself together that first summer?”
“I went to Jonas Rehab. We backpacked together through Asia and some other places that summer. Funny thing was, Jonas had just gotten out of the psych hospital, and I was supposedly on that trip to help him—but he’s the one who helped me, by far.”
“How? What’d he do?”
“He was just Jonas. There’s nothing like being around Jonas Patrick Faraday and his constant ‘pursuit of excellence’ to make a guy realize he’s a total flop-dick.”
“Is that when you got your dragon tattoo? You said you got it in Bangkok, ‘drunk and high as a kite.’”
“Damn, you’ve got a good memory.”
“I remember everything you’ve told me.”
“Yeah, it was on that trip—about a week in. Remember how in the beginning of The Karate Kid he starts off being a little punk? That was me the first week of my trip with Jonas. We’d been climbing all week and I was like, ‘I’m sick of this wax-on-wax-off shit, man; I wanna party,’ so I flew Reed and some homeys into Bangkok while I left my dorky brother to climb more rocks on his own up north.” Josh shakes his head. “I was such a little prick to leave Jonas like that—such a total fucking douchebag. Inexcusable.” He sighs. “So, anyway, when Jonas and I met up again a few days later in Cambodia, I knew I’d fucked up, and I just was like, ‘Okay, Mr. Miyagi, I’m ready now. Teach me the art of karate.’”
I laugh.
“Jonas had just come from climbing all alone for days and he was this savage beast—just, like, oh my God, this golden god—and I looked like something the cat barfed up. I took one look at Jonas, and one look at my pitiful self, and realized it was time for me to stop being a total asswipe-douchebag-waste-of-space. And that was that. Jonas and I became this unstoppable duo—two savage beasts crushing it across three continents. The Faraday Twins. The ladies never stood a chance.” He laughs.
I snicker. “Oh, I bet. I can only imagine how women across three continents soaked their panties over The Faraday Twins.”
“Oh, shit, it was like stealing candy from a baby. Well, actually, not at first because Jonas was the biggest dork in the entire fucking universe.” He rolls his eyes. “But, oh my fuck, even when Jonas was a total train wreck, women still practically threw themselves at the guy everywhere we went. Once, this woman was sitting next to Jonas at this bar, and when she got up to leave, she left her room key in front of him. And Jonas stood up and held up the key and shouted to her across the bar, ‘Excuse me, ma’am! You forgot your room key!’” Josh buckles over laughing. “Classic Jonas. But then I started coaching him and he got way better. The trick was not letting him talk—making him the ‘something shiny.’ That was always our best strategy.” He winks.
I laugh. “Josh, you’re not exactly the ‘something dull,’ you know.”
“Meh, I’m a good-looking guy—I’m not gonna pretend I don’t know that. But Jonas is, like, supernatural. People always fall all over themselves when he walks into a room. He’s just got this weird magic about him no one can resist. I think it’s the fact that he’s obviously so fucked up. People love that shit.”