Total pages in book: 130
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 128417 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 642(@200wpm)___ 514(@250wpm)___ 428(@300wpm)
“Ooh.” She raises an eyebrow. “We’re gonna do the dentist thing?”
“Oh my God, you’re a terrible listener. What’d I just say? Yes. We’re gonna do everything.”
She squeals. “Oh my God. This is gonna be redonk.”
“So what’s the safe word? It can be anything. Onomatopoeia.”
She giggles. “Who’s the idiot who came up with that word? Who needs so many syllables to say ‘Bam!’?”
I laugh.
“Brouhaha?” she asks.
“What the fuck? No. Weirdo.”
She shrugs.
We sit and think.
“Peanut butter and jelly sandwich?” she offers.
I jut my lip, considering it. “Since that’s the only thing I know how to make, in theory, it could come up.”
“I truly cannot fathom how either of us would say ‘peanut butter and jelly sandwich’ while fucking, but okay, if you say so. How about ‘rainbows and unicorns’? That’ll never come out of my mouth, I guarantee you.”
“Might come out of mine—you’re a total unicorn, babe. I could totally imagine myself blurting that in a moment of weakness. Even if I don’t say ‘rainbows’ along with it, it could still get confusing.”
She laughs. “This shouldn’t be that hard.”
I sit and think for a moment. “Flesh-eating bacteria,” I say.
“Hell no. You’re demented to even suggest it. Come on. Dinosaur. Doorknob. Dandelion. Dungarees. Deedle-deedle-dee. Pick one.”
I laugh. “No, hang on. I’m kinda digging ‘flesh-eating bacteria.’ I can’t imagine any sexual scenario in which those words would ever come up.”
“As opposed to ‘dungarees’ or ‘dandelion’?” She rolls her eyes. “Come on, Josh. Spaghetti. Skateboard. Ballerina. Scooby Doo. Multi-vitamin. From Justin to Kelly. ‘My Little Pony.’ Hot tamale.”
“Oh my God.” I hoot with glee. “From Justin to Kelly. Winner-winner-chicken-dinner.”
Kat rolls her eyes. “What? No. I was totally kidding. Harry Potter. Chili-cheese fries. ‘Go big or go home.’ Hunky dory.”
“Nope. We’ve got our winner. From Justin to Kelly it is.”
She twists her mouth. “You’re a silly man.”
I laugh.
“You totally saw that movie, didn’t you?”
“Hell yeah. It was part of initiation in my fraternity. I saw it during hell-week.”
She laughs. “You got hazed with From Justin to Kelly?”
I nod. “It was brutal.”
She’s laughing her ass off. “Oh my God.”
“So, hey, babe, there’s something I wanna run past you before we get started.”
“Okay.”
“In order to pull off some of your crazy-ass stuff, I might need to enlist a little help occasionally from third parties—not for anything sexual, obviously—never anything sexual—just in setting the stage for a scenario.”
She makes a face. “Could you be more specific about how you define ‘setting the stage’?”
“Not without giving things away.”
There’s a long beat.
“I promise you won’t be embarrassed or compromised in any way,” I say. “You’ll always be fully dressed. I just wanna make these imaginary-pornos as close as possible to what you described to me—and occasionally I think I might need to cast an extra or two to do it.”
She beams a huge smile at me.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re adorable.”
I scoff.
“You are.”
“So is that a yes?”
She nods. “I’ve got a safe word, right? If I’ve got a problem with anything at any time, then I’ll use it.”
“That’s right, babe. You can always count on From Justin to Kelly to protect you.”
She rolls her eyes. “Oh, Joshua. You’re a silly, silly man.”
I laugh.
“And a very sweet one, too.”
29
JOSH
“Why don’t you shower in my bathroom while I use the shower in the guest room?” I suggest as Kat and I walk into my house. We’ve just come in from an awesome day of hiking and climbing rocks in Malibu and we’re both covered in a thick sheen of sweat and dirt. “I’m gonna take a quick shower and answer a few work emails before we head back out.”
“Okay,” she says. “Sounds good.”
“Feel free to use the sauna in my bathroom, if you want.” I look at my watch. “We’ve got just under an hour before we need to leave to make our reservation. This place is impossible to get into, so we can’t be late.”
“Hey, you probably take longer than I do, Mr. Exfoliate and Moisturize.”
“You’ve only got one skin, Kat,” I say.
She laughs.
I show her where the towels are and leave her to get to it and then race out of my room to make a phone call in the guest room.
“Hello?” the woman on the other end of the line says.
My pulse is pounding in my ears. “Hey, Kaitlyn. This is Josh Faraday. Just calling to confirm we’re still on for tonight?”
“Yeah.” She exhales. “I really can’t emphasize enough how much trepidation I have about this. I’m really putting my faith in Reed. He said you’re a great guy and that I can trust you completely, so I’m taking a gigantic leap of faith. Please don’t make me regret this.”
“Oh, I know this is a huge favor—and I’m really grateful. Reed isn’t steering you wrong. I’m totally trustworthy. I paid close attention at our walk-through-orientation on Tuesday, and I’ll be ridiculously careful and respectful with all your stuff, just like you showed me, I promise. If I break anything, no matter how slightly, I’ll replace it with a brand new model—and I won’t touch any of the stuff you told me is off limits. Like I said, this is more for show than anything—I just wanna set the stage for her—really wow her when she opens her eyes for the first time.”