Total pages in book: 95
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90951 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 455(@200wpm)___ 364(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
As I ring the bell, I tell myself a longing for peace is why I’m here. It has nothing to do with the longing for other things.
Things I feel every time this fine-as-hell man fixes me with his pale blue eyes…
Eyes like a clear spring sky. Eyes, I’ve dreamed about staring into my soul while he pins me to the mattress beneath him more times than is healthy or decent.
I am ridiculously hot for this man.
Sooner or later, I’m going to do something I’ll regret. Then, our friendship will be ruined. Even worse, I will have disrespected the wishes of a wonderful guy who has made it clear that he has zero interest in boning me.
I shouldn’t be alone with him right now. Tonight is not the night for this. I am way too close to the edge.
I’m about to turn and leave.
I’m about to do the right thing instead of the needy thing, I really am.
Then, Blue opens the door, wearing nothing but a pair of faded jeans and a tight black tank top and…
Well, that’s that. My fate is sealed.
“Bea. Hey…” His surprised smile fades as he gets a good look at my face. When he speaks again, his register has dropped to a decibel that makes my ribs vibrate as he asks, “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
I shake my head, the truth spilling out before I can stop it, “No, not really. I’m… I’m a horrible person, I think. Like, really horrible.”
He frowns. “No.”
I gulp in a breath and add in a wobbly voice, “Yeah, I think so… I think…” I trail off, willing myself to leave again, but my willpower is apparently a thing of the past.
Later, I’ll blame the alcohol on an empty stomach.
Later, I’ll realize this was it, the moment my timeline split into two radically different directions.
But right now, all I know is that I can’t stand the thought of being alone or of walking away from this man who makes me long for him like a gothic heroine wandering the moors.
So, I whisper, “Can I come in?”
And, of course, he says, “Yes.”
Chapter Two
BEATRICE
“Yes. Yeah, of course.” Blue opens the door, motioning me inside. “Come in. Do you want something to eat?” he asks as I step into his small kitchen. “A grilled cheese or something?”
I shake my head. “No, thank you.”
“Tea? I have fresh mint or lemongrass.”
“No, I’m fine.”
“Okay.” He settles into a chair at the dining table, knees spread wide and hands fisted between them.
Then, he just…waits.
Waits for me to say more.
Waits for me to reveal why I’m here.
And why am I here?
Nibbling my bottom lip, I hover by the part of the kitchen counter covered in healthy, happy houseplants. Plants thrive under Blue’s care. Meanwhile, I’ve never met a cactus I couldn’t kill.
He has his shit deeply together, and I am…a mess.
Such a mess, I confess in a rush, “Baylor just called to tell me that he and Charlotte are getting married. And I gushed and laughed and told them congratulations and how happy I was for them. And I meant it, I really did. But the second we hung up, I started crying. Crying and moping and spiraling into thoughts about the hellscape of modern dating and…” I wheeze in a breath. “Well, I think I’m jealous. Of my own brother’s happiness. How gross is that? How grossly gross?”
Blue’s expression softens with compassion. “You aren’t gross. And you aren’t jealous.”
“What am I then?” I ask, with a tight laugh. “Seriously, I’d love for you to tell me. Give me an excuse not to feel like a monster. Please.”
“You’re lonely. And grieving,” he says. “Love is a hard thing to lose. Even bad love.”
The back of my nose begins to sting as I nod. I press my lips together, weathering the unexpected rush of emotion.
Damn. He’s right.
Of course, he’s right. Blue is almost always right.
When I’m pretty sure I’m not going to start crying again, I nod. “Yeah. It is. I wouldn’t go back to Kai for anything, but…” I clear my throat, aiming for a lighter tone as I add, “But I’ve been single for six months, and I can’t even get laid, let alone anything more, so…”
Blue’s gaze flickers on the word “laid,” just the slightest bit, but it’s enough to make something deep inside me sit up and take notice.
I mean, maybe I’m crazy, but that didn’t look like a friendly flicker.
It looked like the flicker of a man trying not to think about sex.
About me having sex.
About maybe having sex…with me?
The world spins a little.
Maybe I’ve been wrong. Maybe Blue isn’t as immune to the chemistry between us as he’s let on. Maybe he’s just been fighting it.
And maybe he’s getting tired of fighting it…
“I’ve never talked about sex with a male friend before,” I add, my heart skipping a beat as his eyes flicker again. “Kai would have flipped out if he knew I was being that open with another man. Even just a friend.”