Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 100470 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 502(@200wpm)___ 402(@250wpm)___ 335(@300wpm)
I glower after her as she tugs on her boots and coat. She dresses Dawson as well. Then the two of them leave without another word. Declan climbs onto the couch next to me, putting his little arm around me and patting me. His sweet clinginess melts my heart. Knowing I could have a baby one day like him who might die or have problems crushes me.
“I should go back to Ronan,” I say, voice hoarse from yelling.
Dad shakes his head. “No. You’re exhausted and looking green around the gills. You’ll stay in this cabin and get some rest. Once everyone cools off tomorrow, we can have a family discussion.”
“What’s there to say, Dad? Mom wants to kill my baby.”
His eyes darken and he frowns harder. “You know that’s not true. She’s just trying to protect her children.”
I touch my stomach and sniffle. “And I’m trying to protect mine.”
Dad walks over to me and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “Please rest, sunshine. We can’t figure this all out in one day.”
The emotions crash over me in a drowning wave. I slide my body onto the couch, pulling Declan to my chest where he likes to lie. Secretly, I enjoy his comfort and warmth. I close my eyes, trying desperately not to cry.
Dad covers us with a blanket and then whispers for Kota to get his boots on.
As soon as they leave, I fall into a deep sleep that’s safe from birth defects and murdering doctors. I just hope when I wake up, my reality doesn’t hurt so much.
Because it does.
It really freaking hurts.
* * *
* * *
Not knowing what’s going on is the worst. I’m not sure what’s happening with my family, but I’m falling into the deep cracks they left behind when they each stormed out of the cabin.
It’s dark and cold and fucking lonely.
I could leave. I could easily walk out of this cabin and hunt either one of them down to demand to know the verdict.
Are we being banished?
When I’d listened to Mom and Raegan scream at each other next door this morning, I’d been horrified by what Mom was saying.
She wanted to take Raegan to town to abort the baby.
I’d never understood the word “triggered” until today.
Seeing Michael’s tiny, dead baby thrown away like trash was seared into my mind and left a lasting mark that won’t ever go away. I didn’t realize it was still a gaping wound until I’d heard Raegan accusing Mom of wanting to murder the baby.
How could Mom suggest such a horrible thing?
My heart is raw since their argument. I’d wanted Raegan to come back so we could hold each other—so we could make a plan to track down Ryder and then figure the rest out.
She never came back, though.
I’d overheard Dad making her stay and rest. I’d seen Mom and Dawson, through my window, walk over to the big house. There was no sign of Ryder or anyone else for that matter.
What are they all doing next door?
It’s so quiet.
The quiet isn’t good for my mind. Not when it’s a fucking mess. I’m worried about Ryder. Did he go to Rowdy’s cabin? Did he go someplace farther? Is he safe?
Each time I close my eyes, I see him alone and afraid. I ache to go to him, but I’m rooted in this cabin. Anxiety has taken hold of my limbs, trapping me inside along with my unruly thoughts.
Grow some balls and go look for them…
I look toward my boots on the floor and then over at the closed door. The fresh air would do me some good. Just get off the bed, dress for the outdoors, and leave.
A shudder ripples through me.
What if Dad is waiting to beat me into next week for impregnating his daughter?
What if Ryder refuses to see me again like when he caught me and Raegan having sex months ago?
What if Mom has already taken Raegan to town to rid her of the baby?
I curl deeper into my blankets, burying my face. The heat of my breath makes it so that I feel as though I’m suffocating.
I’m alone.
I’m so fucking alone.
Peeling the blanket off my head, I once again stare at my boots and then the door. My gaze flies back over to the window where I’d left the curtains drawn. Snow continues to fall. It started while Mom was in the big house and got heavier long after she walked back. It’d been sticking all day. I’d watched it to pass the time and marveled over how quickly the ground became covered in it. Tonight, it’s dark and I can’t see anything.
I hope Ryder is somewhere safe. Surely, he’d have gone to Rowdy’s for the time being. And Raegan, as far as I know, is still next door.
All this not knowing is driving me insane.