Total pages in book: 53
Estimated words: 48193 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 48193 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 241(@200wpm)___ 193(@250wpm)___ 161(@300wpm)
The day the last of my brothers found his mate, I left the pack.
It was painful, to be so alone, but not as painful as being surrounded by all of them with their mates. I was alone until I joined the army, but even then I was separated from the rest of my comrades by the curse. Even those who knew nothing about it seemed almost untouchable. It was pointless to form too many bonds with the other soldiers because we would live lives with nothing in common.
They would have wives or mates and families.
I would have myself. For all eternity alone. And so I became the best that I could be in combat. The strongest. The most fearless. After all, if someone were to sacrifice themselves, it should be me. I have less to lose.
“I was cursed,” I say, and more weight disappears. I had not known it was so heavy. “I was told that I would never mate with a wolf. A troll told me decades ago.”
There is a short pause as Idalis absorbs my words.
“That…does not sound like a curse to me,” she ventures. “It was a prophecy meant to shape you into who you are, perhaps.”
“It seemed like a curse at the time. I believed I would spend the rest of my life alone.” I stare at the ceiling as the pain ripples through me and the years of mourning flash in my mind. “I told myself I was dealing with it, but all I was doing was burying any feelings I had so they could not tear me apart. But I had to make difficult choices to do that. I had to leave my pack.”
Idalis stiffens. “They did not accept you once you had been cursed?”
“No, they did. They never turned their backs on me. But eventually, I had to turn my back on them. It was tearing me apart to watch them find their mates and begin their lives when I would never do the same. It’s been years since I’ve had a pack. Years since I’ve seen my family.”
It’d always been so joyous for everyone when a member of the pack found a mate. It was only a reminder of my loneliness, no matter how much I tried to deny it. No matter how I attempted to hide the pain, it was always there, consuming me from the inside out.
Their excitement and passion swept through the whole pack. We would shift and hunt, howling our gratitude to the moon. I hated every moment of it. I hated how much I despised those celebrations. I wanted nothing more than to be happy for my brothers, but I couldn’t be. I was too jealous.
All those celebrations only served to remind me of what I was forbidden to have.
“When there was no other wolf without a mate, I set out by myself,” I whisper into Idalis’s hair, still unable to look her in the eyes. “I left.”
My voice breaks on the final word, and I bury my face in her hair.
Slipping her arm around my waist, Idalis holds me tighter. Her warmth and comfort soothe the brokenness inside of me. Her heartache and empathy thicken the air, but her pain and mine are eased by the bond between us.
It’s so strong and soothing that it washes away some of the worst pain I have carried with me. Like a spell of its own. Every breath Idalis takes seems to draw more of it away.
“I’m sorry, Ryker,” she says after a long while.
“There is nothing to apologize for.”
She lifts her head to look at me, her hand on my chin, forcing me to meet her beautiful gaze. “I can’t change what happened, but I can be sorry nonetheless. You shouldn’t have had to go through that. It must’ve been terrible to spend all that time thinking you would remain alone.” Another long pause. “I…know how it is.” Her tone lowers capturing my full attention. She has a confession of her own. “My coven also left.” She swallows thickly. “They’re gone forever.” Her voice cracks, tears pricking her eyes. “And I could not see any other way to live than by staying here, alone.”
“I’m sorry.” I offer her my condolences and gently kiss her on the lips.
I hold her closer. “I had given up.”
“I had given up, too,” Idalis admits with a quiet laugh. “I thought I was content here until you came.” A simper slips onto her full lips. “Until you came, my fated wolf.” She caresses my jaw. “Even my cards didn’t see you coming.”
A candle burns to life nearby, lending us enough light that I can see her eyes spark with a delight I’d not seen yet. She is perfect. Soft. Lush. Like I imagined my mate would be, only better, because I had never imagined a woman like Idalis.