Total pages in book: 91
Estimated words: 88060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 88060 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 440(@200wpm)___ 352(@250wpm)___ 294(@300wpm)
I closed my eyes. I didn’t need this. The guilt I carried around was punishment enough. Now I was getting it from Hope’s father.
“Your father was, too, but he won’t ever admit it because he thinks you’re suffering. But it’s been over four months now. Hope was my daughter, and the pain I feel is something I cannot even put into words, but life goes on. Hope wouldn’t want you to be like this, Liam. She wouldn’t want you to push away people who care about you. She adored Aurora.”
Fucking hell. Should I tell him the truth? That my love for Hope had been stripped away long before she passed away? That she had betrayed me in the most significant way imaginable. That I had developed feelings for Aurora while my wife battled fucking cancer? He’d never forgive me. Hell, I couldn’t even forgive myself. Do I tell him the reason I pushed Aurora away that night is because all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms and lose myself in her?
Yeah. He’d hate me, no doubt about it.
“It was Hope who told me Aurora was pushing her way in. That she wanted to replace Hope in Winnie’s life.”
Jake frowned. “And you believed that? Or was it because you had begun to rely on Aurora, and that scared you?”
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Nathan suddenly appeared. “Hey, what’s going on? I knocked, but I guess no one heard. You need to get that doorbell fixed, Liam.”
Jake stood and walked over to shake Nathan’s hand. “Good to see you, Nathan.”
“You too, Jake. Is Opal here?”
“She’s giving Winnie a bath. I think I’ll join them.”
He started out of the kitchen but stopped. “Opal can help you find a nanny for Winnie if you want her to help.”
Nathan’s eyes bounced from me to Jake and back again. All I could do was nod.
Once Jake was gone, Nathan turned to me. “You’re going to hire a nanny then?”
Pushing my hand through my hair, I sighed. “Yeah. Jake and Opal are leaving town. Going to go travel for a bit, and I certainly cannot ask my dad to help with Winnie.”
Nathan reached into my fridge and grabbed a beer. “Good for them.”
I nodded and leaned back in the chair. “Yeah. That means I have to find someone to watch Winnie for me at night and some days I have to go in early. I promised Hope I wouldn’t put Winnie in daycare, and I don’t really want her in daycare. So, a private nanny it is.”
He didn’t say anything, just took a drink of his beer.
After a few moments, he asked, “Do you even know what to ask when interviewing a nanny?”
I looked at him. “I do know how to take care of my daughter, you know.”
“I didn’t ask that, Liam. I asked if you have any idea how to interview someone who will be taking care of your daughter?”
“I’ll figure it out.” And I wasn’t about to ask Opal to do it. I had relied on Jake and Opal far too much these last four months.
He stared at me. “Why don’t you ask Aurora?”
My head jerked back. “Aurora?”
“What’s wrong with my sister? I’m sure she’s capable of helping you interview someone.”
“Nothing is wrong with her, and I agree. The question is, will she want to help me? I ran into her at the hotel and she…”
“She what?” Nathan asked.
“Well, I think she’s still angry with me about what I said to her.”
A look passed over Nathan’s face, but it was gone as quick as it came.
“Is she? Still mad?”
Nathan shrugged. “You’d have to ask her that, Liam.”
I sighed. “I don’t know what in the fuck I’m doing anymore, Nathan. I feel like I’m losing control of everything. My business, my daughter, my life. I just keep hearing Hope’s voice repeatedly in my head at the end, and I’m reminded of the impossible things she asked of me.”
“What did she ask of you other than no daycare or stranger watching Winnie?”
Looking at him, I frowned.
“You don’t have to tell me; it’s just that you never said. Whatever the hell she said to you has fucked with your head like I mentioned to you a few weeks ago.”
Exhaling, I shook my head. “It was that and she said some shit to me that I can’t help but wonder if she was right.”
“Like?”
I looked up at him. “She said she felt like I didn’t take care of her like a loving husband should have. That she knew every day that I woke up, I wished I had divorced her before I found out about the cancer. I mean, it’s not a secret that I didn’t go through with the divorce because she had cancer, but I swear to you, Nathan, I tried so fucking hard to be there for her. Everyone thinks I’m brokenhearted, and that is what feels worse. I’m not brokenhearted. I mean, I never wanted her to die, but she wasn’t the love of my life, and seeing people give me that look of pity just pisses me off because it makes me feel like fucking shit that I didn’t love her. Maybe I could have done better. Maybe she didn’t beat the cancer because I didn’t love her anymore, and she knew that. She knew she didn’t have anything else to live for besides Winnie. Which then makes me think was her own daughter not enough either?”