Total pages in book: 116
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 111089 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 555(@200wpm)___ 444(@250wpm)___ 370(@300wpm)
“That was an interesting read of Gertrude and Claudius’s relationship with Hamlet.”
“It was a dumb assignment. You know I read the play, so I wrote down whatever.” I couldn’t even look at him as I lied, and for some reason, I kept feeling like he could see right through it.
“That’s all it was?”
“What else could it be?” I had to look him in the eyes this time. And I felt so fucking vulnerable, more vulnerable than I ever cared to feel.
His gaze shifted, and maybe I read too much in his hesitation before he spoke up. “Kyle, if you do want to talk to me about something, anything, I hope you know that you can.”
His words were soft, almost a whisper, as though he was letting me know how delicate he could be with the truth.
It was all right there, lingering in the back of my throat, like if I didn’t tense up just right, it would flood out and I would tell him things I had promised myself to never let another person know. And I hated myself for that.
Why him?
It’d taken me long enough to talk to Taryn and Ben about my personal life, and even with them, they knew some things weren’t up for discussion.
But with James, what was the point?
It was something I’d asked myself enough times to know it was pathetic how much I wanted to open my heart to him.
As we looked into each other’s eyes again, I felt this flutter of hope: what if none of this was as one-sided as I feared?
No, it’s all in your dumb fucking head.
He dragged out a long breath, his hand resting on his hip. “Kyle, I don’t know what’s going on. And I hope you’re okay, whatever it is. But I would like it if you had a chance to come to the library tomorrow after school. Could use an extra pair of hands.”
He had singled me out after all, treated me like I wasn’t just one of the other students in his class. But no matter what I told myself, I couldn’t get over this fear that, even if he did see me as more, what did it matter if we could never act on those feelings?
“I’ll see if I can make time for it,” I forced out, scared that anything I said would show too much of myself. “I’ve been trying to pick up some extra hours for deliveries, so…we’ll see.” I added, “You gonna tell me my grade on the assignment?”
“It’s an A for doing it.”
“Well, next time you can put it on the paper instead of asking me to come up to your desk,” I spit out, unable to hide the disdain in my tone.
He looked shocked by it.
“You know, like you’d do for any other student. Because that’s all I am to you.”
I hurried past him, toward the door, grabbing the handle.
“Kyle.”
I wanted to breeze out, act too fucking cool to be giving so many fucks in his class, but I halted. I didn’t even feel I had a choice—like I’d lost control of my body.
I had to muster the strength to turn back to him.
“I…uh…” He hesitated a moment before saying, “I’d really like it if you came by tomorrow to help.”
There was so much confusion in his expression, but he hadn’t said anything to suggest I wasn’t right. It was like there was something on the tip of his tongue that he couldn’t say because he was my teacher. And I fucking hated him for it.
“Whatever,” I said, using what strength I could find to open the door and head the fuck out of there, wiping at my eyes quickly as I found tears collecting in them.
“Let’s fuck,” I told Ben as I entered his place.
“Okay,” he said, eyes wide.
I started toward him, like I usually would have, when he put his hands between us. “Dude, no. I’m kidding. I’m not fucking you while you’re clearly in a mood.”
“You’re the one who says I’m always in a mood.”
“It’s true. But something else is going on here. Normally you would just come over and fuck me, not make this big deal out of it, so why is it a big deal?”
I just felt like being balls-deep in Ben’s ass would help me fuck James Warner out of my goddamn mind. Not that I was going to tell Ben that.
“I have…a lot on my mind.”
“Come on in. Let’s talk about it.”
“I don’t—”
“I meant, let’s watch a movie and talk about anything but it. I know you, Kyle.”
I snickered. Yes, he did. Because as much as there was a part of my body that wanted to fuck away the pain, I knew it wouldn’t work. And perhaps I’d gone to Ben because I knew he wouldn’t let me make that mistake.
We headed into his living room and found some cheap, barely memorable B-flick rom-com, the sort he always liked. He curled up to me, tucking his ass into my pelvis. I pretended it was more about him wanting to hold me, as he sometimes needed, but really, I needed it right then too. Needed the warmth and comfort.