Total pages in book: 61
Estimated words: 60231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 301(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 60231 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 301(@200wpm)___ 241(@250wpm)___ 201(@300wpm)
I turn his arm to see the far side more clearly. “What is the last one? I can’t see it from here.”
“That one is a pumpkin.”
My eyes widen as I try to sit up. He holds me against him, burying his face in my hair. I grip his arm and pull it to me until I can see the final item.
Yup. It’s a pumpkin.
His voice from Thanksgiving, our first year together, echoes through my head. “I’m just going to start calling you pumpkin since you like it so much.”
“Luke …”
He nods, his heart pounding. Each beat taps the side of my face at the same tempo as my heart races in my chest.
I turn his arm back and forth to see if I missed any. Is that it? Just his family and … me?
“Needless to say, I didn’t expect you’d ever see that,” he says, exhaling.
“When did you get your tattoo?”
“I don’t know. Three or four years ago.”
Three or four years ago?
“Is this weird or creepy?” he asks. “I’m not sure how I would take it if I were a woman and found out an ex-boyfriend got a tattoo to remind him of me years after we’d broken up. I didn’t think about it at the time.”
He tries to keep me from getting up again, but this time, I power through. I want to see his face, to take in those beautiful green eyes, and to treasure this moment.
The sheets pool at my waist as I twist to face him.
“Weird or creepy?” I ask, grinning. “Luke, I don’t know what to think about this, but weird and creepy aren’t two words I’m considering.”
He lays a hand on my thigh. “I missed you. I missed you so fucking much. And when I was selecting something for everyone in my family, it wasn’t complete until I added you to it.” He grins. “Even if I never saw you again, and I didn’t think I would at that point, you still belonged with me. To me, at least.”
His words touch my heart as much as the pumpkin in the horseshoe. His genuineness blows me away. His honesty raises the bar to a level that no man will ever come close to reaching. All those nights, I sat alone in hotel rooms and tour buses, wondering if anyone was thinking about me beyond the show I just performed … and Luke was getting a tattoo to keep me close.
Tears well in my eyes.
I don’t think my own family would do something like this unless I paid them.
“I think it’s special, lovely, sweet, and a million other things,” I say, lacing his fingers through mine. “Do you ever wonder what would have happened if we would’ve figured things out? Are you ever curious where we might be?”
He studies our hands. “Yes and no.” He brings our fingers to his lips and kisses them. “I think about it often. We’d probably have babies right now. Hopefully, a little girl who looks just like you and a little boy who loves horses as much as I do. We’d cook dinner together every night and watch documentaries while we go to sleep, and it would be so boring and absolutely perfect.”
A single tear slides silently down my cheek.
“But you were destined for greatness, Laina. You were meant for something more than a little house in the middle of nowhere with a man who will never be able to give you all the things that you deserve. I really have nothing to offer you.”
Oh, Luke. If you only understood that you’re the only one who can offer what would make me happy… you.
That’s it. That’s why he didn’t come for me.
He doesn’t think he’s enough.
Why would he think that?
Another tear spills over the edge and travels over my lips and down my chin. Luke brushes it away with the pad of his thumb.
Doesn’t he understand that he’s more than enough for me? Doesn’t he see how good and honorable and respectable he is—and that my life is littered with snakes and rats and people ready to betray you for a check?
It’s my life that’s not good enough for him. And I hate that with every fiber of my being.
“Do you think we could make it work now?” I ask.
“I want to hear what you think.”
My lungs fill with air. I exhale slowly, thinking about the men in my life—namely my father and Tom—the two men who were supposed to love and protect me.
I gave them everything I had to give: loyalty, honesty, and transparency. I communicated as clearly as I could. I showed them respect, even when they didn’t deserve it, and gave them the benefit of the doubt more times than I can count. Yet they didn’t reciprocate any of it.
The idea of adding another man to my life when I’m in the process of removing the only two currently taking space in the lineup is frightening—except it’s Luke. It’s not even like I’m adding him to my life because he’s always been there. Even when I was devastated that we were done, he was always there.