Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
A nurse comes in, but it’s not her face I see. It’s the nurse last year. She was kind and patient, and I was so fragile that even her gentleness made me break.
This nurse offers a practiced greeting, then explains the steps she’ll take to collect the samples. Between my exhaustion and echoes of past trauma, I struggle to stay present and just nod automatically to everything she says.
She begins with external swabs that trigger fresh, new memories. Not real intimacy or affection, but a charade of it.
I’m sure it was going through the motions for Tor, but they’re ones I’ve never done before. I’ve never felt a man’s lips on my neck like that. I kissed Russell when we were together, but even when he tried to push for more intimacy than I was comfortable with, he never kissed me there.
Russ and I fought a lot about that when we were together. He made me feel bad for not being ready, and I made him feel bad by… well, not being ready, I guess. We had fought right before the party. That’s why he wasn’t there with me.
I think that might be part of why I said yes so easily tonight, when Tor made the suggestion. Even though I really didn’t feel ready at the time, I’ve spent a lot of sleepless nights going over what I could have done differently, and my boyfriend being there seems an obvious shield. There’s no way Tim could have done that to me with Russ there, and Russ would have been there if I’d just given in and slept with him. We wouldn’t have had anything to fight over.
I also wouldn’t have been a virgin that night. I would have at least been able to choose who was inside my body for the first time.
But I never said yes to Russ, and then the choice was taken away from me.
“All right. Now I’m gonna have you scoot forward and put your feet in the stirrups.”
Sighing softly, I shift my body into position.
I never dreamed Torrance Walters would end up being the first guy to…
Despite my anxiety in the moment, I am glad he thought of it. It makes me feel calmer as the nurse collects her sample to know there will be something to find. I wouldn’t have thought of it. The alibi would have fallen apart.
I would have gone to prison, likely for the rest of my life.
I still might, but I must admit, the trial period I’m going through right now has me rethinking how cavalier I’ve been about the possibility before tonight.
It’s like I told Tor, though. I wasn’t thinking past that moment. Everything has been about getting to it. What came next wasn’t even a consideration.
When the evidence collection is over, the police officer tells me they have all they need for now and offers to give me a ride home. Since they kept my car as evidence, I guess I don’t have any other way to get there.
The sun is up by the time the police car slows to a stop in front of my house. I hope none of the neighbors are awake to see me being brought home like this, but I guess it doesn't really matter. People will find out eventually. The Walters family is a big deal in this town. There’s no chance the death—no, the murder—of one of them will go unnoticed.
The front door is still unlocked, and my mom and Frank are still asleep. Kind of crazy that so much has happened and they don’t even know yet. The realization that I’ll have to explain it drains me even further. I need a shower, but I don’t want to risk staying out here long enough for anyone to wake up. I’m not ready to talk about it.
I’ll just strip my bed and clean my sheets later.
For now, I enjoy sinking into the comfort of my own bed.
My eyes drift closed. I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nervous system.
And finally, I go to sleep.
___
“Wake up!”
I’m yanked from unconsciousness, disoriented as my scrunched eyes open. It’s so bright, and for a moment, I’m not grounded in time and space. Anything or nothing could be going on—but that doesn’t last for long.
As soon as I see my mom’s wide brown eyes as she stands in my open doorway, reality’s tether reattaches. Awareness of last night resurfaces, and I know exactly when it is and where I am.
Great.
“I can’t believe you’re still asleep,” my mother says. “Get up, come to the kitchen. I have something to tell you.”
I bet I have a guess.
I am not ready for this, not by any stretch of the imagination. How do I even explain my involvement? I never made it that far last night, but Tor’s story that we hooked up is insane. Nobody who knows me will believe it.