Total pages in book: 152
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 147545 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 738(@200wpm)___ 590(@250wpm)___ 492(@300wpm)
“I don’t know, the usual?”
“What does that mean? That’s not helpful.” I don’t give him a chance to respond. “You should have shown me how to set up a spy phone so I could have listened in on your bullshit like you listen in on mine, then I’d know the truth.”
“I’m telling you the truth,” he assures me.
“You’re not telling me anything.”
“Let’s cut through the bullshit. What is it that you need to know?” he asks, seriously.
I hesitate, trying to put it into words. “She was like… Tim’s groupie. She was his default hookup when he wasn’t dating anyone.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“And, like, the annoyingly devoted kind of hookup. Nothing he ever did shook her off. When he would sleep with someone else, she would just wait in the wings until he was hers again.”
Tor sighs. “I know all of this, Cassie.”
“So, can you see why it makes me a little uneasy that she’s posting something like that centering you now?”
“She’s just trying to get attention. Tim’s death is a hot topic right now, and guess who conveniently looks just like him.”
“Exactly. You look exactly like the guy she has been into for the past three years.”
“Yes, but I’m not him. You do not have to worry about me like this. It doesn’t even matter if she’s attracted to me because I’m not interested in her. I get that you don’t like or trust Nina, but you know me. Do you think I’m a helpless person who just gets blown wherever some girl wants me to go?”
“Well, no, of course not, but—”
He cuts me off. “I’m not like Tim. I have exactly what I want, so why do I care what else is readily available?”
“I know, but—”
“I’m not even attracted to Nina. She’s too easy for me. I have no interest in attaining something that literally anybody can have. I need a little challenge to get me interested.”
“She’ll figure that out and pivot,” I state. “You’re like a white whale to her. It wasn’t just Tim’s physical appearance she liked. It was his family’s status—your family’s status.”
“And I have the same physical appearance and status,” he says. “Yes, I understand. I know that Nina had a thing with my brother, and now that he’s gone, I’m sure she would be down for a twin swap, but her motivations are not the only ones that matter here. I have free will, and I am not interested in her. I am not a prize, Cassie. I can’t be won. I’m only interested in you, and there’s nothing she could say or do to change that.”
His words are reassuring, and I guess if I come out of the hyperfocus on what I know Nina is like, he has a point. I know what Tor is like, and I don’t have any reason to think he would be into Nina.
It’s just that every guy is into Nina.
And she is a brunette, which is the only thing he would tell me constitutes his type physically. And I know that Nina is sexier than I am. She’s widely regarded as the sexiest girl in our class. It’s not just her looks; it’s the way she interacts with people. She has a very touchy way about her, so I wasn’t surprised she would try to hug Tor, but I don’t believe that he doesn’t remember hugging her. I am completely straight, and Nina playfully caressed me one time, and I got tummy flutters. She’s not easy to resist. I don’t know a single guy in our graduating class who ever resisted her when she set her sights on them—guys with girlfriends included, she doesn’t care—so for him to tell me he has no attraction to her whatsoever… I think he’s bending the truth to make me feel better.
And if he’s bending that truth…
What other truths might he be bending?
I hate that trust keeps coming up as an issue between us because I’m not even convinced it makes sense. I really do feel like I can trust Tor—I mean, he has proven I can trust him with my life, so why does this keep happening?
I wasn’t like this with Russell.
Then again, my bond with Russell never went as deep as this one. And I never slept with Russell. That probably changes things, too.
I guess it feels like I have more to lose now, something that’s somehow become an integral part of me.
“I think I’m developing co-dependent tendencies,” I tell him, which is probably the last thing you ever want to say to your new boyfriend, but it’s all I can think of. “I don’t know why it’s happening. I’m usually not like this—and I mean that.”
“I don’t think you’re co-dependent,” he tells me. “Our relationship is new. You just need time to settle into it. And while it’s not something we like to acknowledge, I do think there’s enough about me that reminds you of Tim that it makes sense for insecurities you had about him to surface, especially right now when everything is fresh. I hate to see you worrying over nothing, but this is a temporary issue even if we can’t resolve it. In August, we’re going to leave Holbrook together, and you’ll probably never see her again. And if you do, it will be as Mrs. Torrance Walters, so you can rub it in her face if you want to.”