Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 52975 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 265(@200wpm)___ 212(@250wpm)___ 177(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 52975 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 265(@200wpm)___ 212(@250wpm)___ 177(@300wpm)
“I was fucking a guy who stocked shelves at night. They were open twenty-four hours. He bent me over in the bread aisle.”
Carter opens a tiny bottle of scotch from the minibar and downs it.
“That’s fucking awful,” he says, shaking his head. “Better have another one.”
We continue our game, and it’s my turn to come up with a question when Lainey opens the door to the limo and gets in.
“I’m so sorry, you guys,” she says.
“Don’t be,” Suki says, waving a hand. “We’re having a great time. It’s Bash’s turn to come up with the next Have You Ever question.”
I put an arm around Lainey, exchanging a quick look with her to make sure she’s okay. She gives me a small smile.
“Okay, it’s not a have you ever, but what’s your most embarrassing puking or shitting incident?”
Dex lifts up the bottle of whiskey in his hand. “I shit myself during a law school final.”
“No!” Lainey says.
“I did. The professor told us we couldn’t leave during the final or we’d fail the class. And it was property law, such a hard fucking class.”
Mara groans. “The rule against perpetuities almost killed me.”
“Wait, though.” Carter scrunches his forehead. “Did he let you leave after you shit your pants?”
“He did.” Dex shrugs. “I stayed in the bathroom until the class was over and my professor knocked on the door and told me I’d passed. I wasn’t even halfway finished with it.”
Carter laughs and takes another swig of the scotch as the car starts moving again. “Our goalie Isaac passes out when he’s pooping.”
“Stop it,” Mara says.
“Yeah, he’s hit his head on the way down before. One of our teammates dragged him out of the stall with his pants around his ankles and we had to make sure he was still alive.”
“Defecation syncope,” Aden says. “Straining during bowel movements causes a drop in blood pressure for some people and they can pass out.”
“How do you know that?” Harry asks.
“I was premed, but I dropped out.”
“Right.” Harry nods. “You told me that.”
“I threw up on a nun once,” Aden says.
There’s a moment of silence and then Mara cackles. “We’re going to need the full story on that one.”
“I went to Catholic school, and I told Sister Agnes Marie I was going to be sick. She didn’t believe me.” He shrugs.
“I got caught pooping in the woods once,” Suki blurts.
Carter gives her a look that’s half-amused, half-impressed. “Who caught you?”
She rolls her eyes. “Some judgmental, middle-aged hag. My family had rented a cabin for the week, and there was only one bathroom. One of my brothers was in there one morning and I had to go. He wouldn’t get out, so I went into the woods and did what I had to do. This couple on a walking trail saw me and the wife lectured me about burying poop in the woods.”
Lainey looks tired, but her expression is relaxed. I hope she’s realizing she’s not alone. We don’t all have IBS, but we can identify with her.
“I clogged the toilet at the office where I was doing a summer internship in high school,” I say. “It was the front office of a minor league hockey team. I had to go ask the office manager, Linda, for a plunger.”
Everyone laughs. Dex looks like he’s trying to twerk while sitting. The whiskey is hitting.
The limo driver stops in front of Harry’s house, a neat Craftsman style on the edge of the city.
“Great night, you guys. Thanks for everything,” Harry says.
The girls all hug him and Aden, and the guys shake hands with them.
“Aden, come to our next fondue night!” Suki says.
“I’d love to.”
When they get out of the car, the driver asks where we’re going next.
Dex burps and laughs. “Mara, I think I need to stay with you tonight.”
Mara gives the driver her address and he starts driving. I whisper in Lainey’s ear, my arm still around her shoulders.
“How are you doing?”
“I’m good,” she says softly. “You?”
“Great.” I kiss the side of her head.
I’m maybe a foot from her breasts. They’re basically milky round sirens calling out to me.
Touch us, Bash. Suck our nipples. Watch us bounce.
I force my gaze away. Not tonight. Lainey needs to chill.
Carter and Suki definitely won’t be chilling. They’re making out nearby, and he’s right on the edge of pulling her into his lap.
“Let’s order pizza and watch Housewives,” Dex says to Mara.
“After I puke,” she says.
I groan, wondering how much the limo company will charge me for puke cleanup. “Are you gonna puke?”
“Eh.” Her shoulders slump. “When I get home.”
“Maybe we should open the sunroof thing and you could stand up and get some air on your face,” Dex suggests.
She shakes her head. “We’ll be home soon. I can make it.”
Lainey empties the contents of her purse onto the seat. “You can puke in here if you need to. I don’t like this bag much anyway.”