Total pages in book: 104
Estimated words: 102929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 102929 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 515(@200wpm)___ 412(@250wpm)___ 343(@300wpm)
I was definitely worried about him. However, having Isla to myself helped tremendously, but given the current events, we were both simply trying to keep our heads above water.
“Kraven, here.” Isla grabbed the urn out of my grasp. “I’ll do it for you.”
I allowed her to, watching her slip Melody’s ashes into her backpack. Wondering if her soul was in there with her, trapped for all eternity for being a shitty mother.
She zipped up her bag and said, “All set.”
I nodded, suddenly thinking about Julius’s phone and how he wasn’t answering our calls. We couldn’t find him anywhere. No one knew where he was, not even Roland.
Isla was a wreck, and I wasn’t too far from it.
“Are you okay?” she chimed in, her eyebrows pinching together.
I nodded again, unable to focus.
“You don’t look okay.”
“Let’s get something to eat,” I clipped, changing the subject. I grabbed her hand, leading her out of the building.
We went to a random spot next to the office. After we ordered our food, we sat in silence for a few minutes.
We were always able to sit in stillness without it being weird. I never felt like I had to fill the quiet between us with words. We found refuge in it. It was nice to finally find someone who was like me in that sense.
“Do you really think he’s gone?” Isla asked so low I could barely hear her, bringing my attention back to her.
I shrugged. “I’m not sure, Kitty.”
With timid eyes, she asked, “Has he ever done this before?”
“No.”
Other than tracking down Julius, we hadn’t discussed much about him in general. It was as if we were searching for Joe or Melody and just moving on autopilot. The only difference was the anxiety I felt from not being able to find him, only reminding me of what it was like in the beginning when we first started looking for our parents.
Which faded as the months went on and we couldn’t find them…
I was half expecting him to walk through the door at any second. I didn’t think he was gone forever, but at that point, I didn’t know much about anything, and I wasn’t going to lie to her to make her feel better.
She bowed her head, muttering, “What’s going to happen to me?”
I lifted her chin to look at me. “What do you mean?”
“I mean…” She paused with nothing but worry in her stare. “Do you want me to leave?”
“Leave?” I frowned.
“Yeah, Kraven. As in your house.”
I arched an eyebrow. “Why would I want that?”
“Because Julius isn’t there…”
“Oh,” I rasped, catching on. “After everything we’ve been through, you still believe that?”
“I don’t know what to believe anymore, Kraven.” Her voice was laced with defeat, and I hated it.
“It’s been one thing after another, and coming from someone who’s been through everything, I’m so lost right now I can barely see straight.”
“Because of Julius?”
“Because of everything.”
Considering her answer, I nodded. “Fair enough.”
“Is it?” She scoffed. “I barely knew your mom, but here I am, mourning her. I don’t want to make it about me, and I feel guilty of how much I am. I’ve never met anyone like her before. She was magnetic. This magic personality I couldn’t resist being lured into.”
“Yeah... she had that effect on people.”
“You too?”
“Sometimes,” I mused. “Mostly when I was younger.”
“You had a good time at your birthday party, though, right? You were dancing with her. It seemed like—”
“Kitty, I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“How about the truth?”
“I don’t know the truth.” I tossed a shoulder, shaking my head. “I have no idea how I’m supposed to feel other than I’m supposed to feel something.”
“Do you miss her? Are you sad? I think those questions are a good place to start.”
“Why does it matter?” I countered. “She’s already dead.”
“I think it would help you heal.”
“Heal?” I chuckled. “You can’t heal wounds that won’t ever stop bleeding, Isla.”
She winced, not trying to hide her sympathy for me.
“Don’t do that, Kitty. I don’t like it.”
She stressed, “It’s okay to hate and love her, Kraven. You can do both, you know?”
“Yeah?” I contrived. “Well, part of me wonders how I can miss someone I never really knew, and then the other part of me remembers the moments she was magnetic for me too.”
She reached for my hands, holding them on the table as she insisted, “Your mother did love you. I know it’s hard to understand, but her love for you was always there. It didn’t go away when she did. If anything, I think it grew.”
“That’s what makes everything so fucked up. She loved us, but that love was never enough for her to stay.”
She squeezed my hands. “All I know is she kept up with you guys.”
Surprised, I asked, “What do you mean?”
“I mean, she knew everything. She was caught up on the last seven years of your lives, so either she was around, or someone was telling her.”