Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
“Congrats, Mama.” He walks over to Norah to give her a kiss on the cheek. “How are you feeling?”
“Better now that I have food,” my sister says around a mouthful of fries.
Clay grins and proceeds to give Bennett a bro-hug, clapping a hard hand on his back. “Congrats, Dad.”
“Thanks, man.”
Clay sets the balloons and gifts on the floor beside Norah’s bed and heads straight over to where I sit with Autumn in the rocking chair. “Congrats, Aunt Josie.”
“Thanks.” I offer a friendly smile, and Clay gazes down at the sleeping baby in my arms with nothing but love and affection in his eyes.
“She’s beautiful,” he whispers, and I nod.
“She certainly is.”
He smiles at me, and emotion lodges itself in my throat as I take in how enamored he is with my new niece. I saw how Clay was with Summer, and I’ve seen the way he always is with all the kids in town, but for some reason, today, it’s like I’m seeing it all with a magnifying glass.
It makes it so easy, too painfully easy, to envision what he would be like as a father.
I swallow hard against the tightness in my throat and nod toward Autumn. “Do you want to hold her?”
“Yeah?” Clay asks, surprise in his voice.
“Of course,” I say, my words genuine. “Surely this little girl would like to meet her Uncle Clay.”
His heart is in his eyes, and I purposely look down at Autumn as I rise to my feet to hand her off to Clay. He carefully takes her into his arms and stares down at her as he gently rocks her within his safe hold.
“Goodness, you’re a little sweetheart, aren’t you?” Clay whispers toward her. “One day, I’m going to tell you about your big sister Summer, and I’ll show pictures of her and tell you all the silly, funny things she used to say.” Clay flashes a soft smile to both my sister and Bennett before looking back down at Autumn. “And I’ll tell you all the things you need to say to get your grumpy dad to give you whatever you want. Or, you know, you can just ask your mom, because she certainly has your daddy wrapped around her finger.”
Bennett chuckles. Norah grins, the lift of her lips knowing and amused.
“It’s crazy how you can love a little person so much and you’ve just met them,” he says, and his eyes meet mine.
“I know.” And it’s crazy how you can love a little person so much, even though you never got to meet them.
“Clay, do you think you’ll ever want to have kids of your own?” my sister asks, and my back goes stiff. I don’t feel angry at Norah for asking him a question like that—a question that threatens to bring so many horrible triggers of mine to the surface. She doesn’t know the story.
Though, that doesn’t negate the fact that I really wish she’d never asked the question in the first place.
“I don’t know.” Clay just shrugs one shoulder, still rocking Autumn gently in his arms. “I’ve never put too much thought into it,” he says. “When I think about the future, like five or ten years down the road, I just hope I get to love the kind of woman who makes me a better man, who makes me face my fears of things like climbing water towers. The kind of woman who makes you get down on one knee just to ask her out on a first date.” He shrugs again. “Kids aren’t really on my radar, you know? I’m not against having kids, but my future doesn’t depend on having kids either.”
I can feel Norah’s eyes on me, but I ignore her and pretend to be busy with rearranging the drawer of Autumn’s hospital bassinette, my heart clamoring desperately in my throat. He knows the things he’s saying, but I won’t give him the satisfaction of reacting. I can’t.
The conversation shifts when Breezy steps into the room and she and Clay moon over how cute little Autumn is, but doubt creeps into my mind and starts to fester.
I left Clay because I wanted him to have the opportunity to have kids, and he’s saying he might not even use it?
I fight against an evil voice as it niggles at my nerves.
Maybe you should’ve stayed.
61
Clay
Monday, July 4th
The annual Red Bridge Fourth of July fireworks are about to kick off any minute. The whole town has gathered in the center of downtown, and people have set up chairs on the sidewalk and brought coolers with drinks and snacks. Mayor Wallace is dressed in his infamous American flag suit, and Sheriff Pete has even added a little pizzazz of red, white, and blue to his uniform.
The city council spends all year planning this shindig, and since I’m on the city council, I know all the ins and outs of the celebration. This year, I might’ve put in a little extra effort to get the fireworks display just right and took it upon myself to switch up the usual routine of where the fireworks shoot off from, making sure they are smack-dab in the center of the square.