Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
I search her eyes. I don’t think anyone has ever loved another person the way I’ve loved Josie. Even all these years when we haven’t been together, she’s still the reason I wake up every day.
She’s my person. My wife. My forever.
My natural inclinations want to show her I’m still all in in all of the loud and in-your-face and oftentimes lovingly pushy ways I’ve been before. But I know that’s not what she deserves.
Josie doesn’t need me standing here and begging her to stay with me. She needs me to respect her and what we have together enough to give her space.
I pull her close again, hugging her against my chest, and silently hold her. I press kisses to her forehead and rub a gentle hand down her back, but I don’t say anything at all. And I stand there, with her in my arms, until I feel her sobs turn to soft cries.
Until her soft cries turn to quiet tears.
Until her tears stop flowing down her cheeks.
Only then do I tell her the things she deserves to hear.
“I love you, Josie,” I say and lean back to meet her gaze. Her eyes are red-rimmed and puffy, but her face is dry. “I still mean what I said to Norah that day in the hospital. When she asked me if I wanted kids. When I look toward the future, I just want you. Forever. You’re all I want. I choose to stay, Josie. I. Choose. To. Stay.” I inhale a deep breath, preparing myself to tell her the words I need to say, even if they hurt like hell. “But this time, unlike the past, I’m going to give you the space to choose if you want to stay too. I’m here. I’ll always be here.” I press a kiss to her lips and give her one last hug. “This isn’t me walking away from you. This is me giving you the space to choose. I’m here. I’ll always be here. If and when you’re ready to stay with me too.”
And then, I turn on my heel and walk out of the barn and back toward the reception tent.
Leaving my whole fucking heart behind.
66
Josie
Saturday, July 9th
I don’t know how long I stand in the barn, but as I watched Clay walk away, my tears came back tenfold, covering my cheeks and nose and mouth and chin. The taste of salt stings my taste buds, and I swipe a hand across my nose and I just cry.
I cry for Jezzy and Grandma Rose and Summer and Clay’s and my baby.
I cry for Clay and the years of pain he’s gone through while being left in the dark the entire time.
I cry for myself. For the decisions I’ve had to make. For the regret and guilt I carry.
I cry until I can’t cry anymore. And then, I run.
Out of the barn, across Bennett and Norah’s land, I run, and I don’t stop until I’m back at the reception tent.
The party is still going on. The music is still pounding from Mikey’s speakers. And for the briefest of moments, I spot my sister Norah on the dance floor with Bennett and see that Breezy is sitting at one of the tables with Autumn in her arms.
But I’m only here for one reason. And when I spot him sitting down by himself at one of the empty tables, I head straight for him. His tie is undone, and a half-empty glass of bourbon sits in front of him, and his eyes look forlorn as he stares down at the glass while he runs his index finger over the edge of it.
I don’t stop walking until I’m standing right in front of him, until my knees bump right into his legs.
“Josie?” His eyes widen at my presence, a million emotions and feelings flitting across his face.
“I choose you,” I say in a rush. “I choose us. I choose to stay.”
He doesn’t even blink, doesn’t even breathe, before he’s standing on his feet and pulling me into his arms. “I love you, Josie,” he whispers into my hair.
“I love you too, Clay.” I stare up into the only eyes I want to stare into for the rest of my life. The eyes I’ve missed more than anything in this world. “I’ve never stopped loving you. And I’m sorry it took me so long to get here.”
“All that matters is that we’re here.” He presses his mouth to mine, and it doesn’t take long before our kiss gets heated and I find myself wrapping my legs around his waist, not giving a single shit about what my long bridesmaid dress is doing.
I kiss him. I kiss my husband. We may as well be the only two people on earth right now. Everything else ceases to exist.
I’m crying all over again, but this time, my tears are happy. They’re relief at me being right where I always want to be.