Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 523(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 523(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
“She’s not the person I’m meant to love. Bad things happen because life can be unfortunate, luck is random, and humans are fallible. Everleigh is taking a job at Johns Hopkins. That’s meant to be.”
“Okay,” Maren says slowly. “Then why are you looking for her?”
“Because she was with my—” My eyes burn as the words congest in my throat.
“She was with your?” Maren asks.
“She was with my father when he died,” I whisper.
“Oh . . . That’s surprising. You weren’t there?”
“No.”
“Then why was she?”
I shake my head and sigh. “I don’t know.”
“Had she met your father?”
“No.”
“That’s crazy.”
“She won’t answer her phone or reply to my text. So if you see her, just tell her I need to talk to her.”
“Of course. And I’ll check her place. Maybe she’s working on her barndo.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, but I don’t think she’s working on a place she’s not going to live in.
Chapter Forty-One
I’m peopled out.
Visitation. Family. Dinner. Breakfast. Funeral. Luncheon. More family. Dare I say I envy my dad?
“You’re entirely too sober,” Fitz says, handing me a beer as I stare at the flurries over the lake from the deck.
I find a half grin and take the bottle as Jamie, Maren, and Ozzy crowd onto the porch with me, sitting around the fire table. Fitz wraps a throw blanket around Jamie and hugs her to him. Maren blows at something steaming in a coffee mug as she perches on Ozzy’s lap in the other rocker.
“Your mom wanted to be alone in her room.” Jamie’s nose wrinkles. “Your sister is sitting on the floor outside her door, nursing the baby. I told her it’s okay to let your mom have a little space.”
I sip my beer before nodding.
“But we’re not giving you space,” Maren says with a smirk before blowing at the steam again. “We’re the kind of friends who like to be up in each other’s business.”
Our collective laughter lacks its usual energy. Maybe I’m not the only one who’s not drunk enough. I set my beer aside and then run my hands through my hair. The alcohol doesn’t touch this kind of grief. My body’s not numb to the pain; it’s numb to the vices that have gotten me through everything else in my life until now.
“I should have spoken,” I say. “The pastor asked me to speak at the funeral, but I couldn’t.”
“No one expected you to speak,” Maren says.
I shake my head. “That’s not true. I think Mom wanted me to speak since I was closer to my dad than Leah. But . . .” I shake my head and take another swig of beer. “I didn’t want to share our memories with everyone who’s ever known him. They’re mine. They feel private.” I shrug a shoulder. “They kind of feel like the only part of him I have left that’s just mine. Is that weird?”
“Funerals are fucked up anyway,” Fitz says. “Who wants their grief on display? Why do we care about what others think when our loved ones die? You want to pay your respects? Too fucking bad. I want to crawl in a hole and die. So you deal with your feelings and I’ll deal with mine, but this grieving shit doesn’t have to be a team sport with spectators.”
Jamie coughs a laugh. “Wow, babe. Tell us how you really feel about funerals.”
We laugh, and it feels good. I need good. All the damn goodness I can get.
“I thought Everleigh would be there,” Maren says, eyeing me for a reaction.
I have none. I knew she wouldn’t be there. Why would she ignore my texts and calls and then show up at the funeral?
“She’s gone,” Jamie murmurs, stealing everyone’s attention, but her gaze remains locked with mine. “Everleigh. I called her after I found out that she wasn’t returning to the clinic.”
“She took a job at Hopkins,” I say as if it’s just the two of us having this conversation.
Jamie shakes her head. “I don’t think so because she didn’t mention the job. And she wasn’t”—Jamie pauses, twisting her lips—“right. There was something off about her. And I’m not telling you this because I think you need to find her and figure out what’s wrong. You just lost your father, and I don’t want you thinking she abandoned you in your darkest hour for no good reason.”
What would be “off” about her? Well, more than usual? Is it about us? Did I upset her by telling her to take the job? Surely she had to see it from my point of view.
I stare at Fitz like he’s a thermometer taking my mental temperature. Does he think I’m crazy for letting her go or crazy for loving her? Does he know I love her? Did Maren tell him? Did Jamie? How would Jamie know if Maren didn’t tell her?