Total pages in book: 36
Estimated words: 34187 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 171(@200wpm)___ 137(@250wpm)___ 114(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 34187 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 171(@200wpm)___ 137(@250wpm)___ 114(@300wpm)
She pulled back just enough to look up at me, her silvery-green eyes swimming with emotions I couldn’t fully decipher. “But that’s just it. Sometimes we don’t get a choice. Like with Paul. I didn’t choose for him to become a monster. I didn’t choose for you to kill him and throw your life into chaos when you could have been happily on your way.” The tears really started falling now. She wiped her nose with the back of her wrist, then swiped at her eyes with her fingers.
“My whole life has been one clusterfuck after another, Xave. Since I met you, you’ve been the only bright spot in my life. I knew things wouldn’t be easy just because Paul was gone and I didn’t have to be afraid of him anymore. I was fully prepared to work hard to make my own life. It just seems like one thing after another kept dragging me backward, trying to suck me back down into a deep, dark hole I could never escape from!”
I pulled her closer, tucking her head under my chin. “Listen to me, Tillie. You’re not going back into any fucking hole. Not while I’m breathing. Metaphorically speaking or not.” I stroked her hair, feeling her tears dampening my shirt. “I’ve spent a year and a half thinking about you every Goddamn day. Planning what I’d do when I got out. How I’d find you, make sure you were good.”
“You planned to find me?” Her voice was small against my chest.
“Baby, you only think you know what I’d go through for you.” It was the Goddamned truth. “Yeah. I killed for you. But that was just my excuse to go to prison. True, I hadn’t planned on killin’ anyone, but then you turned up and some people just need killin’.”
When her gaze met mine, her eyes were wide with shock and not a small amount of confusion. “What? What are you saying, Xavier?”
“I needed to be in Terre Haute for about six months. That’s how long I thought it would take me to do my job. Knuckles made all the arrangements and six months was all I needed.”
“Oh no,” she gasped, distress on her lovely face.
“Hey. Stop. Let me finish.” I gave her a level look, firm but not harsh as I held her gaze. When she settled and nodded her head, I dropped a kiss on top of her head and continued. “We had it all planned out. Me and Knuckles. He was still in prison, but the man has connections I don’t want to know about. I helped him prepare this, so I knew I’d be getting out as soon as I could finish the job.” She shifted, but I held her where she was. I wasn’t sure I could look at her just yet because the woman had rocked me to my core the night I killed her husband.
“I was gonna go in for some trumped-up drug charges or something. Didn’t really care as long as I could get out when I wanted. I was supposed to get an eighteen-month sentence, but Knuckles said the Miles family lawyer would get me out in six months tops if I was ready. I was going in to, uh, settle some disputes and stuff.” I knew she was about to ask so I cut her off. “It doesn’t really matter why right now, only that I had the choice to get out once I’d completed my tasks, which I got done in the six months I’d been allotted. I chose to stay because you… kept coming.” She sucked in a breath, her eyes going wide with shock and something I wasn’t quite sure of.
“Why would you do that?” Her voice was barely above a whisper.
I shrugged and repeated, “You kept coming.”
“You said that. Why not ask to meet up when you got out? Or ask for my phone number?”
“Because I’m a big guy. You already know I can be violent when I need to be. I wanted you to be ready for me. I wanted you to have a chance to heal inside and out. But most of all, I wanted you to know me, so you’d know without a shadow of a doubt, I’d never hurt you. Ever, Tillie. Not ever.”
“I know you wouldn’t. You saved me.”
“I’m also the guy who murdered your husband.”
“Because he beat me up!” She pushed herself up and braced her forearms on my chest. “Xavier, I never thought you’d hurt me. Not even that night when you went in with the Judge you pulled out from under your seat.”
I winced. “Christ. I was hopin’ you hadn’t actually seen me get my gun.”
“It wasn’t like I didn’t know what you did.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t want any more violence to touch you. When I killed that bastard, the only thing I cared about was makin’ sure you never had violence touch you again.”